She shivered. The memory of it was like a nightmare she could not shift or stop having. Not that she really wanted to, no matter how much it frustrated her. When she did dream about Logan now, which was as often as it always had been, she woke covered in sweat, hungry for his touch and exasperated that she could not find such satisfaction. Not even with herself.
It was one of the reasons why she had remained in town for six years, trying to make thetonforget her faux pas and making men see her for who she really was, not as the young girl who made a mistake. She wanted a life. She needed to find a husband, have children, and experience the shattering, sweet release that Logan had given her.
"I would prefer to forget that mistake, and I can promise you those are silk skirts you'll never see under again."
He chuckled, and she took the opportunity to drink him in. Oh, how she missed the handsome sight of him, even if she loathed him.
The bastard.
The prig.
"I think should I try hard enough, I could still have you on your back within a few minutes. You ought not to challenge me so."
She did not want to challenge him at all. It took all the effort she possessed to keep him at bay. "You would fail, as you fail at being a gentleman." Sutton met his eyes and reveled in the fact that her words irked him. She could see he was both annoyed and hurt at her statement. "Are you foxed, my lord? No gentleman speaks to a lady so forwardly."
He sighed, the sound pained. "In all truth, Miss Howard, do you not think that it is time we forgot about the past and the difficulties we've shared? I dislike having animosity between myself and anyone, really. I would like to continue on with the Season and not have to be concerned with you throwing knives in my back and turning away possible prospects of wives for myself."
Sutton snorted at his words and covered her mouth with her gloved hand when she realized others about them had heard. She lowered her voice. "I do not bother to speak of you with anyone of my acquaintance."
"Which in itself is a problem. You were once my friend. It is obvious about town that we've had a falling out, impacting those I could entertain as a future wife. If you were nicer to me, in public at least, it might not scare off those women whom I do wish to consider as my future countess."
"They ought to run far away from you, my lord, for God forbid you ever found their correspondence. We all know what you do when you do get your grubby little hands on letters."
He ground his teeth, watching her, his gaze dark and deadly. "That you do not believe the truth of that day is your mistake, not mine. I will not apologize for something I did not do."
"You still blame my brother? Are you insane?" she asked him, meeting his eyes and ignoring the fact that he seemed pained, as if her accusations were unfounded.
They were not. He was at fault and no one else.
"Believe what you will, that is your error, but we need to find peace between us, so we may both find happiness. If thetonsuspects drama, we shall never be left alone, always the talk of London, the latest on dit. I do not want to suffer through such humiliation again."
"You suffered humiliation. Do be serious," she returned, knowing that if anyone suffered from that emotion, it was she. Thetonhad laughed and read and repeated her own words, night after night, day after day. She had been humiliated. Logan had run for his estate and stayed there.
"It was six years ago, Sutton. Please, let us be civil at least toward each other."
Sutton thought on his words a moment but decided she was not capable of such forgiveness. He had hurt her deeply. What gentleman, a supposed friend, a lover, could throw about town all her most private and innermost, heartfelt thoughts and dreams? She sighed, her stomach lurching at the thought of the embarrassment she had suffered; and the months she’d had to endure in London before another scandal broke across society and left her alone. Until thetonhad forgotten all the hideous and lovesick things she had written to Lord Jersey.
"You never did explain why you humiliated me as you did, and therefore I do not have to go out of my way to be nice to you now. We are not friends, nor will we ever be again. I curse the day I gave myself to you. What a stupid, little fool I was and one you took full advantage of."
He stepped closer, boxing her in near a pedestal that held a large floral arrangement. "I never took advantage of you. You willingly gave yourself to me. We gave ourselves to each other. While I regret what happened with the letters, I will not apologize for what we shared."
She ground her teeth. "You should."
Chapter 4
"If what I say is the truth, why should I regret what we shared?" he asked her, watched as Sutton's mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to find the words to rebuke him. A little part of him crowed that she could not think of anything to say. And he knew the reason as to why, for what he said was the truth. They had mutually made love, even if she loathed him now for it. He had never crossed or humiliated her, and he would not say he did, not even to gain friendship.
Her brother was to blame. The lying, trouble-inducing bastard.
Logan ignored the warning voice in his head and focused on Sutton and the rebuke that was surely coming. Any moment now.
"I do not understand why you're talking to me at all. Are there no other ladies whom you could be plying your false wiles upon? They have long expired with me."
He cast his eye over the many guests at the ball, none of the ladies present igniting an ounce of awareness. And yet, standing beside Sutton, all he could think about was her creamy, sweet-smelling skin he had kissed with abandon. Of her delightful breasts he kneaded and kissed. How she had urged him to touch her, please her. She had taken her pleasure with as much demand as his own, and he wanted the same again.
But that was not all he wanted. He longed for the friendship they once had. The long walks in the park, discussing all the things that interested them both, on dits, latest industrial inventions, estate matters, horses, just as they used to do.
Stop this madness, Logan. She loathes you.