Please –
I crumpled the letter into a ball in my hands.
My mind was empty, blank.
I had been wrong to open the box and I didn’t want to read any more.
Fuck this.
Fuck it all.
I pushed everything I had just read out of my mind. I couldn’t deal with it right now. I couldn’t do it.
Not now, maybe not ever.
Mr. Cole wasn’t coming home tonight, and I really did not want to be alone. But, I didn’t want to be here. And, I didn’t want to be next door.
Where could I go if I left this place? This wasn’t home anymore, and I needed to get out of here.
I tossed the letter back into the box and got up to pack a bag.
I thought I knew where I could go. Hopefully, going there would erase all this bullshit I thought I had just learned from that one letter.
I grabbed my bag and the stupid box, I didn’t want to read any more of it but I also didn’t think I could leave it behind. I thought it might disappear if I left it behind, then I’d never get answers. I took both out to my Range Rover. The overnight bag, I put in the front passenger seat. The box, I stuck in the far back.
As I drove, I focused on forgetting everything that had recently happened. Thankfully, I was an old pro when it came to pushing things aside and pretending like they never happened.
Chapter Twenty-One
I stared at the adorable cottage from inside the safety of my Range Rover and gripped the steering wheel tightly between my fingers.
Back at Dash’s house.
Again.
What was I doing back here?
Good Question.
I was back here to spend the night, even though the owner of the house didn’t know that yet. I did this so I could judge whether or not I really wanted to stay here after I moved out of Mr. Cole’s house when he moved away and it seemed like a far better option than being alone right now. Since I couldn’t, wouldn’t live at the main house with the guys, I needed another place to stay so I wasn’t homeless. Quinton said this was the place for me and I had to take his word for it. So, I was here, taking the initiative. Probably not the wisest solution.
The sun was setting in the sky, the forest around the cottage already dark. All my life I had lived in the city surrounded by tall buildings, constant traffic, and never-ending noise. The first time I had ever even walked into the woods had been the night of the full moon ritual. I had no desire to go exploring in the woods. I had no desire to go bird watching or whatever. I didn’t have the appropriate shoes for hiking, so that was out. Camping sounded extremely uncomfortable, not to mention the whole going to the bathroom outside while squatting down next to some tree nonsense. Camp fires looked cool and I would love to roast a marshmallow and eat it. But you didn’t need to go into woods to have a camp fire, you could easily have one in a backyard, or at a beach.
Scaredy cat, who me? Never.
I didn’t miss the big city and I had no desire to go back, but I would take hanging out in houses over playing in the woods any day.
I blinked, coming back to myself inside my Rover. My knuckles had turned white. What in the hell was I doing sitting in my Rover in front of Dash’s house thinking about exploring the forest? Rabid little squirrels. I shuddered in my seat. Beady-eyed, puffy-tailed little weirdos.
I pulled my keys out of the ignition, grabbed my bag off of the passenger seat and opened my door.
Movement in the rear-view mirror caught my eye and I paused with my door ajar. The dome light came on, momentarily cutting off my view of what was happening in the mirror.
Was Dash outside?
A glance to the side showed me the cottage was lit up from within, the chimney smoking. Would he go outside and leave all the lights inside on?
The overhead light dimmed for a moment, then shut off entirely.