I looked up and found he’d moved to stand beside Addison. He trailed Abel’s movements with his eyes, a thoughtful expression on his face.
He’d forgotten more than shoes. There was no bra either.
Addison handed his brother a pair of black short-shorts and Abel slid those up my legs as well.
“Hole’s done,” Julian yelled at us.
Abel gained his feet and grabbed ahold of my hand. He twined our fingers together and squeezed. Addison moved in on the other side and mimicked his twin’s actions.
Quinton moved up in front of me. He cupped my jaws in his rough, calloused hands, and asked, “Do you love her?”
I flinched and tried to pull my face out of his hands. He didn’t let me go. I had a feeling, a thought that drifted through my head, whispering how this did not bode well for my future and that scared me.
“Answer me,” he whispered softly. This was a question I did not want to think about, nor did I want to think about the answer to the question. I was in denial about so many things already, did I want another one brought up to the surface to be examined by others? I did not think so. But, mostly, I didn’t want to take a closer look at the answer myself.
“You don’t, do you? It’s okay if you don’t. She was a monster and monsters are hard to love. This I know as fact. No one is going to judge you, babe, not here. But I want an honest answer.”
“Why do you care, Quint?” I whispered. “What does it matter whether or not I love her? She’s dead. Dead people don’t care about things like love. So why do you care? And what the hell do you know about loving monsters?”
The grip on my jaw tightened as he pulled my face so close it was mere inches away from his own. “My father was a far bigger monster than your mother ever dreamed of being. He did things, unimaginable things, unspeakable things, and some of them he did to me.” He let go of one side of my face to run the pad of his thumb across my chest, above my collar bone and over my scars. He’d noticed them and he thought he was making a point, but he didn’t know he was making the wrong one. He’d made assumptions and he’d been wrong. “Answer me, Ariel. Do you love her?”
I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Then I reopened my eyes. I looked deep into those dark, dark eyes and I told him the absolute truth. Even though I think it killed a small piece of my soul to admit the truth out loud.
“No,” I said quietly, but clearly so he wouldn’t miss a single word. “I don’t love her. Any love I had for her died a slow death over year after year of being her one and only whipping boy. You’ve mistaken my tears and my upset for caring and you are very wrong. I’ve never seen someone die before, Quint. And that someone being my only living relative makes it worse. I’m upset because she beat on me and tried to kill me simply because she was crazy and could. I cried because with her dead, I’ll never, not ever, know the love of a mother. And I cried because I didn’t care that she was dead and I felt like I should care. I know that if I died she wouldn’t have cared unless she got something out of my death besides simply being rid of me. The last thing I want in this whole world is to be like the thing I hate the most in it. Is that a good enough answer for you?”
Both Julian and Tyson had moved closer while I was talking. They stood directly behind Quinton and they both wore worried expressions on their faces. They were worried because of me, I knew it. I’d overshared in trying to get my point across. Apparently, listening to me was more important than dumping my mother’s body in the grave they’d dug for her.
“Yeah, baby,” Quinton said, drawing my attention back to him and away from his two shadows. “That answer is good for me. I hate it, but I thank you for being honest with me all the same. Now, I have another question for you.”
I hated him, and I hated his stupid questions.
“Do you really want to be here when we throw dirt on her?”
I blinked.
He’d surprised me. I thought he’d ask me another deep, meaningful question.
I thought about what he’d asked of me. Did I really need to be here for this? Did it matter? Did I want to be here for this? No. No, I absolutely did not want to stand aside and watch my mother’s body being tossed into a dirt hole and then covered in said dirt. But, I was going to be here for it because I didn’t want to be a coward who hid from all the unpleasant things in my life. That was no way to live my life, I wanted to be stronger than that.
“No, I don’t want a front row seat to this shit show. I’d be insane if I did. But I’m going to sit through it anyway.”
Quinton stared me down. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to intimidate me or see into the depths of my soul. Either way I didn’t back down. I held my ground and he was the first to look away. Score one for me.
A muscle in his jaw ticked as he nodded his head. “Alright,” he muttered, “have it your way.”
I wanted to laugh at him. If I had things my way I never would have set foot in this damn room. I never would have ditched school and came home early. This wasn’t about what I wanted and never had been. I had wanted to call the police and they’d refused me, now they were digging holes and burying bodies. This was about not being a coward and seeing things through to the end. Right and wrong had ceased to matter when her head had collided with the corner of the countertop in my bathroom. I had gone along with their brand of crazy, now I’d see this thing through to the end.
In a show of support, both Addison and Abel squeezed my hands gently. I was glad they hadn’t backed off when Quinton got in my face. He was too intense for me and he made me feel things I was uncomfortable feeling. Even if the timing had been better I still would have been uncomfortable with him.
Quinton moved away from me, following Tyson and Julian to their freshly dug hole. Addison and Abel dragged me across the dirt until we stood opposite of the other three, with only the grave between us. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Damien and Dash enter the room. They moved on silent feet across the dirt to stand beside a twin each.
I stood unmoving as I stared down into the dark depths of the dirt grave and I felt nothing but emptiness inside. I watched silently as Quinton picked up my mother’s body and unceremoniously tossed her into the dirt hole. She hit bottom with a thud and that’s what did it for me. That’s what broke me.
Jerkily, I wrenched my hands out of Addison and Abel’s and stumbled backwards until my back hit the brick wall.
“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled, unsure of who I was speaking to. Was I apologizing to my dead mother, or to the guys for not being able to handle the situation?
I turned on my bare feet and ran, fleeing the strange room.