Hell, he wanted to pull her into his lap and devour those lips that had been driving him mad since the kiss they shared a few nights ago. He couldn’t get the taste of her, the feel of her, out of his head. He wanted more of her. A lot more.
But, he’d settle for talking to her for now. Maybe someday, down the road…. It occurred to him that he’d been saying that for a long time where PJ was concerned. But he had to be brutally honest, now really wasn’t a good time for her. Her world was crumbling. She didn’t need him hitting on her right now.
He would hate it if she thought he assumed she was easy because he’d seen all the reports of her sleeping with Mondo. That she’d have no problem putting out for him the way she did with Jimmy. The thought made him wince.
“So, when was the last time you took a vacation?” he asked her as he unwrapped the sandwiches and handed one to her.
She smiled, and the warmth of it cut through him. “Not for years, really. It was a complete fluke to have six days off like this. And, even when I have had time off recently, I haven’t gone anywhere except back home every once in a while.”
“What family do you have back home?” he asked.
“My parents, and my Aunt Susie and Uncle Brian and their son Matthew.” Gabe thought he saw a little bit of a cloud fall over her face at the mention of her family, but it disappeared as quickly as it had shown up, and he wasn’t sure if maybe he’d just imagined it. She took a bite of her sandwich and a swallow of water.
“Do you still have a lot of friends back home?” he asked.
“A few,” she said, but her face was sad again. “Nothing like the friendships you guys have here. It was really amazing to see how quickly everybody gathered around Jill and Andrew yesterday. How everyone jumped in to help them without any hesitation at all.”
“You don’t have friends who would do that for you?” Gabe asked and then wanted to kick himself as soon as the words were out.
PJ hesitated. “Honestly? I’m not sure anymore. It’s not easy making friends out on the road, and the friends I had back when I started my career have such different lives now. I was fifteen when I left to go on tour. They have husbands and families. They’re on a completely different path than I’m on.”
Gabe nodded. He knew exactly what she meant. He’d been watching his friends build lives here while he was out on the road, stopping in from time to time. If it was possible, he was pretty sure PJ traveled even more than he did.
“Do you think you’ll want to retire soon?” he asked.
PJ brushed her hair back from her face and looked back out toward the water. “I’ve thought about it some lately. Honestly? I just don’t know what I want to do anymore. You know? I usually have songs playing in my head, things I’m working on. I haven’t heard anything there for three days. It’s like the music has just stopped playing in my head, and it makes me wonder if maybe there’s just some… expiration date. Maybe I’ve hit mine.”
“You started pretty young and you’ve had a long career already,” Gabe said. “Do you think you want to do something else? Manage other singers? Start a family?”
Again, he saw the shadow fall over her face, and he had to wonder if she wanted a family more than she let on. She never did answer his question. She stared out at the water and was quiet the rest of the ride back as he packed up lunch, caught some wind in the sails and brought them back to the dock.
* * *
Gabe held out his hand to her as they stepped off the boat and then held it all the way up to the house. PJ knew she shouldn’t do it, but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t help wanting to kiss Gabe again, even after his rejection the last time. She didn’t want to be trapped inside her head, obsessing over who had her journal and whether they would ever release all the truth or just make her suffer forever. She didn’t want to feel the way she was feeling anymore.
She tugged at Gabe’s hand, pulling him back to face her when they reached the patio.
He turned, a question in his eyes, but she just wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down close, close enough that when she stood on her tiptoes she could reach his mouth.
She let her fingers thread through his hair as she brushed her lips against his, and heard him drop the picnic basket next to them.
He let out a fierce groan as she deepened the kiss, but he didn’t kiss her back.Please, please don’t reject me.She knew she couldn’t handle his rejection now. She didn’t care if it was a pity screw or just friends with benefits, or whatever.
But, she knew she wanted to be closer to him—to escape. To feel something else right now. To feel him. His hands on her. His mouth on her.Himinside her.
Gabe broke away and looked at her, heat and desire smoldering in his eyes, but she also saw confusion, conflict. “Are you sure, Pru? You don’t have to do this for me. I don’t need this from you. Not now.”
“But I do,” she said. “Ineed this from you.”
She had only just gotten the words out of her mouth before he pulled her against him, assaulting her mouth with his as if he’d been waiting, tethered—dying to be released. As though she’d just cut the last rope that bound him.
He controlled everything about their kiss, lifting her off the ground and walking through the house as his mouth traveled down her neck and across her shoulders. PJ’s body was on fire as his mouth explored her, and she no longer had a thought or a care in her head. She had only this. This moment. This feeling. This escape.
This incredible, desperate escape.
Gabe nudged his bedroom door open and brought her to the bed. He lowered her down, his own body following to press her into the bed with his weight. The feel of him on top of her was everything in that moment—and she reveled in it.
In her heart she knew she couldn’t hang on to this beyond today, or maybe tomorrow. Even as he kissed her passionately, she knew that when it was time to go back to her real life, she’d need to let him go. But, she wanted this. She wanted today and tomorrow. Consequences be damned.