So much. And maybe we’re moving too fast, but I don’t care.
When something feels right, you shouldn’t deny yourself. And I refuse to deny myself of spending time with Crew.
* * *
By the timewe’re back at the resort, it’s dark outside, and I’m carrying in the bags filled with my purchases while Crew brings in a pizza we picked up on the way. The smell of it has me ravenous and I drop my bags by the door, reaching for the box before Crew can set it down.
“I’m starving,” I tell him as I lift the lid, grabbing a piece and taking a bite of it.
Oh man, it’s delicious.
Crew watches me with an amused expression on his face. “You’re always hungry.”
“I know.” I set the half-eaten piece back in the box, disappointment filling me. “My mother says I eat too much.”
“Don’t listen to her,” he says, his voice ferocious. “Swear to fucking God, our parents are always trying to fuck us up.”
I frown, reaching for my pizza slice once again. “You think they do it on purpose?”
“Sometimes it feels like it, especially with my parents. My dad.” He shakes his head, and I mentally will him to keep talking. To reveal more. “Like I mentioned, they have zero expectations when it comes to me, but I can’t fuck up. Ever.”
“I think my parents want to marry me off to a rich man so they won’t have to worry about me anymore,” I admit.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, considering how rich his family is, but I want to be honest with him.
“Don’t they have a lot of money already?”
“The whole divorce thing.” My appetite leaves me just thinking about it. “Daddy claims they’re trying to work on their marriage, but I don’t really believe them. I think…”
I clamp my lips shut, not wanting to say the words out loud. It’s okay to think them, but putting them out there, letting them hang in the air and enter the universe, makes it feel like it could actually happen.
“You think what?” Crew asks when I still haven’t spoken.
“That it’s actually going to happen. They’re just trying to protect my feelings or whatever. Get through Christmas, through my birthday and then at the beginning of the new year, they’ll spring it on me,” I explain. “They’re definitely getting a divorce. I can just feel it.”
“Sounds like a shitty way to spend the holidays, pretending everything’s okay when it’s not,” Crew says.
I like how he always keeps it real with me. Not trying to protect my feelings all the time, which is how my father always treats me. Like I’m a delicate little flower who can’t handle bad things.
Maybe I was that sort of person not so long ago, but I feel like I’ve changed. Since school started, and especially lately. Spending time with Crew, learning what’s really going on around me, has opened my eyes.
To some things I don’t want to see.
And others that I’m so glad I know now.
Like the taste of his lips. The way his hands feel when they’re on my body. Inside me.
I want to know all of that again. And more.
“It does sound pretty shitty, huh?” I say in agreement.
Crew’s eyes are so wide they nearly bug out of his head. “You just said shitty.”
I shrug. Grab my pizza slice and shove it into my mouth, chewing and then swallowing it down. “I can’t lie. It’s going to be an awful Christmas. And birthday. Not what I expected at all.”
“What did you expect?”
“I wanted everything to be perfect,” I say with a sigh, envisioning it. “I even made a Pinterest board for my eighteenth birthday celebration. Pink and gold and white. Everything sparkly and beautiful. A gorgeous cake covered in flowers made of frosting. Glitter everywhere. A dazzling dress and matching shoes that would make me feel so grown up. Like I’m an actual adult. My hair would be perfect and we’d drink champagne to celebrate. It would be cold and snowing outside but inside, it would be warm and inviting, and I would be surrounded by my favorite people.”