Chapter 21
Holden
I should apologize, say I’m sorry for acting like a fucking asshole, trying to pry her away from Adrian. I can’t lie and say I didn’t know she was happy. I can see it on her face when she is with him, or hell, when she speaks about him. The protective instincts in me always rise up where it concerns her, and I know they’ll always be there. But I don’t have to be overbearing about it.
I grab my cell and send her a text.
Hey, you have time to talk, either on the phone or even in person?
I don’t doubt she’ll think this is about Adrian, and it is, but it won’t be giving her a hard time. I don’t want to push her away. We were friends first and foremost, and even if I’d thought there would be something between us at some point, I’m not such a fool to think that now.
Hell, as the minutes move by I assume she won’t respond. I’ve probably pissed her off plenty, so I won’t be surprised if she tells me to fuck off. My cell goes off, and I half expect her to say just that, to put me in my place, tell me I’ve ruined shit with her because of all the trouble I caused.
Skylar: Yeah, because I have some things I’d like to talk about, too.
I bet she does, and I deserve any shit she gives me.
Skylar
I runthe tip of my finger over the rim of my coffee mug. The liquid is more lukewarm now, more milk than coffee, and sweet enough to make my teeth ache. I am nervous waiting for Holden, not because I think anything horrible will come out of this confrontation—but because I don’t want to hurt him.
I see him walk in, his jacket showing off his lean, muscular build. He turns and sees me, and although his expression is stoic, I can see his body is tense.
Once he is seated in front of me, the waitress zooms in like a vulture.
“Order?”
“Just coffee,” he says, his focus trained on me.
We stay silent until the older lady comes back with a coffee cup, the edge chipped, the steam rising up like smoke after a fire.
“I’m sure you wanted to know why I wanted to talk.” He is staring at the mug, not having drunk any of it yet, but I have a feeling this has more to do with having something in front of him than being thirsty. “I wanted to apologize about everything.” He looks at me then. “It’s not my place to butt in with your life, or to interfere with who you care about.” I watch his throat work as he swallows, but his face shows no emotion. “I worry about you, same as Alex. I guess that’s the only excuse I can offer about why we do the things we do.”
“I know you guys care,” I say and smile. I’ve wanted to speak with him about this, too, about how I care for Adrian … love him. “But I want to live my life, and I feel alive with Adrian.” I offer a smile. “I have gone through my own issues, struggled myself. I’d always been introverted, scared of the world, so to speak.” He offers me a sad smile then. “But Adrian gets me, he knows how I feel.”
“His past, the rumors, the fighting…” Holden says, as if trying to show me something I don’t already know.
“I know about it all, Holden. I don’t care about his past, just like he cares about me for who I am.”
Holden doesn’t reply, but I can see the understanding written on his face.
He glances down for a suspended second, and when he lifts his head once more he stares me right in the eyes. “You love him,” he says, not phrasing it like a question.
“I do.” There isn’t any hesitation on my part. “And he loves me too. I want to have something special with him without you and Alex thinking you’re saving me.” I am the one to swallow now. “I don’t need saving, Holden.” And it’s true. I feel like I am breathing, like I have been holding my breath all these years and Adrian has given me that reminder I was suffocating. Maybe extreme, but the truth. “Adrian makes me feel special. He makes me feel safe, loved, and that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”
I don’t need someone else to make me realize this, but I may or may not have ever realized that. It may not have ever happened to me. But I have that with Adrian, and I don’t want it to go.
I don’t want to let that go.
“Can you give me this, Holden? Can you let me live my life?”
“What if it’s a mistake?” he asks softly.
“Then it’ll be my mistake to make and understand.”
Holden nods. “Then you need to do what you think is right. You need to be happy. That’s all I want for you, to be well, and to be safe.” The smile he gives me is crooked, and so cute. “I’m here for you, but I’ll step back. This is your life to live.”
And that’s all I want to do … live a life that makes me happy.