Lucian’s gaze cut to me. “Tell me you didn’t.”
I slammed my bottle down on the counter, sending a geyser of beer everywhere. “I warned her. I told her not to get attached. She knew there was no chance. It’s not my fault she’s this romantic who thought I could change. I can’t change. I don’t want to change. And why the fuck am I even having this conversation with you? I didn’t do anything wrong. I told her not to fall.”
“Actions speak louder than words, dipshit.” Nash threw up his good hand. “Luce, you take this.”
Lucian leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting on his knees.
“I believe what your brother is trying to tell you is that while you said you couldn’t and wouldn’t care, your actions told her something else.”
“We had sex,” I said flatly. Great sex. Mind-blowing sex.
Lucian shook his head. “You showed up for her time and time again. You gave her a place to live, a job. You went to her niece’s school. You bashed in her ex’s face.”
“Bought her a cell phone. Helped her get a car,” Nash added.
“You looked at her like she was the only woman you saw. You made her believe,” Lucian continued. Waylon trotted over to him and hefted his bulk into my friend’s lap.
“And then you tried to buy her off,” Nash said.
I closed my eyes. “I didn’t try to buy her off. I wanted to make sure she was taken care of.”
And she’d thrown it back in my face.
“And what part of that sentiment says ‘I don’t care about you’?” Lucian asked.
“You can’t use cash as a replacement for actually showing up for someone.”
Nash’s voice was miserable enough that I opened my eyes and looked at him. Really looked at him.
Is that what he thought I’d done when I’d offered him the lottery money? When I’d all but shoved it down his throat.
His career in law enforcement had been a sticking point for us. But rather than sit down and talk to him about it, I’d tried to pull his strings with the promise of a pile of cash. Enough that he’d never have to worry or work again. I saw it as taking care.
“You should have kept the money. Maybe then you wouldn’t have ended up bleeding in a fucking ditch,” I said evenly.
Nash shook his head. “You still don’t get it, do you, Knox?”
“Get what? That you’re more stubborn than I am? That if you’d listened to me that carjacking coward wouldn’t have almost ended your life? By the way, Luce, you dig up anything yet?”
“Working on it,” Lucian said.
Nash ignored the sidebar. “You don’t get that I’d still put on that uniform. Even if I knew I was going to take another hit tomorrow. I’d still walk into that building your money paid for even if I knew it was my last day on earth. Because that’s what you fucking do when you love something. You show up. Even if you’re pissing your pants scared. And if you two don’t stay the fuck out of police business, or if you even think about going vigilante, I will throw both your asses in a cell.”
“Agree to disagree,” Lucian said. Waylon’s tail thumped on the arm of the chair.
“You about done?” I asked, suddenly too tired to fight.
“About. You wanna do the right thing, you need to tell Naomi the real reason you let her go.”
“Oh? And what’s the real reason?” I asked wearily.
“That you’re scared down to your fucking bones that you’ll fall hard and end up like Dad. Like Liza J. That you won’t be able to hold up under the bad.”
His words landed like arrows zeroing in on a bull’s-eye I didn’t know I was wearing.
“It’s funny. I used to think my big brother was the smartest guy on the planet. Now, I realize he’s just a delusional fool.” He started for the door, pausing when he got to it. “You could have been happy, man. Not just safe. Happy. Like we used to be.”
Lucian scooped Waylon onto the floor and followed him out the door.