It reminds me too much of her, and it is too painful. But I need to start writing music to go along with the pile of lyrics, or I won’t have anything to show Bren when he asks again.
“Here goes nothing,” I breathe out and slide the guitar case from under the bed. I set it on the bed and unclasp it—only, when I open it, the blue dragon is gone.
I feel every drop of blood drain from my face. In its place is Lola’s pink guitar.
“What the fuck?”
Then I laugh. Bitterly. Because of course she fucking would. It wasn’t enough that she wanted to use me without loving me, or that she left like a thief in the night—my heart and guitar in her bag of spoils . . .
Only, she isn’t a thief. She didn’t even wait to be paid for her time under my employ.
Seeing the guitar brings back all those horrible memories from that night.
Finding both her and Pixel gone, thinking for one horrid second that she had even taken my dog.
Chase showed up right after me with Pixel, and I calmed down, but even though she didn’t take my dog, she took my guitar.
The one I told her was precious and priceless.
How much more does she intend to hurt me?I think bitterly.
Then I see it, the envelope near the base of the guitar, with shitty penmanship in a chicken-scratch that reads, “Karl.”
I swept the apartment that first night for a note when she didn’t pick up her phone. She didn’t even tell Sofia or Ileana she was leaving. They heard it from me, and they were both devastated they didn’t get to say goodbye. Lola broke more than justmyheart when she left.
And I damned Lola, damned her for blazing like a wrecking ball through all our lives, hurting every last person she left behind. Isael and Addy would have been devastated too, if they’d been old enough to understand.
It wasn’t until a week later that Sofia called to say she’d heard from Lola. She had a new number that Sofia was asked to not share with me, of course—and that she was fine.
Well, at least she was okay.
But I wasn’t.
I was devastated. Still am.
I grab a bottle of Vodka from the bar and sip from the bottle, staring at the sealed envelope.
Several long gulps of bitter alcohol later, I rip the envelope open, take a deep breath, and read.
* * *
Karl,
I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for the way I acted.
Please forgive me for pushing myself on you. I didn’t realize exactly how . . . unwelcome my advances were. It seemed like a game at the start, you know? I thought you enjoyed yourself those few times when you seemed to be letting go. In my room, and then in L.A.
I’m not sure what happened that you let yourself do those things with me, but I realize now that it wasn’t what you wanted, and I’ll always be sorry for treating you that way.
I’m always overstaying my welcome, aren’t I? With Ethan, in this country. I even left Ileana’s before I’d overstay my welcome there, only to overstay it with you.
I’m a slow learner, but I’m trying.
Now I’m going somewhere I think I’m wanted. I hope that’s true this time and that I’m not wrong again—not like I was with you.
I’ve taken your blue dragon because I know it’s a piece of your heart, and selfishly, I want that with me. Because that’s the thing, Karl, I think I’ve been falling in love with you for a long time. I was guarded for obvious reasons, but if I can’t have your whole heart, then I’m stealing this small bit.
In exchange, I leave you my whole heart. Half of it in this guitar you gave me that I love so much—the other half in Pixel because that dog stole my heart the first day I met her. Hug her for me, will you? And remind her every day that even if I’m not there with her, I’ll always love her.