“It was bad she found out about it. That—shouldn’t have happened.”
“It was bad that you guysdid it. Just finding out about it doesn’t make something bad.”
“I disagree.”
Raising my brows, I tugged to sit up, and he let me this time. I didn’t go far, and I didn’t drag the sheet up. Which might have been a mistake, since he fixed his gaze on my breasts until I cleared my throat.
The sheepish grin he wore was equal parts exasperating and cute. Intent on not getting distracted, I had to ask, “Why do you disagree?”
“Because our game was for us. The points, the numbers—it was to entertain us. It didn’t inform how we treated them or even why were dating them.” He must have seen the contradiction to his earlier statement. “Mostly. Look. I get that it hurt her feelings and humiliated her. Another reason she shouldn’t have known, another reason we didn’t advertise it. If she never found out, then it wouldn’t have hurt her.”
Folding my arms, I studied him. “If you had never found out about Mathieu and I kept seeing him behind your backs and somehow managed to keep it a secret, would that have been fine as long as you didn’t know?”
Straddling his waist, I was very aware of his cock resting between my legs. Even half-hard, it teased at my labia, but I tried not to focus on it. For his part, Jake didn’t stir. He seemed very focused on me and listening.
His expression hardened at the question, and his eyes chilled. “Goddammit, Frankie.”
He lifted an arm to cover his eyes and then lifted it almost immediately. Guilt swamped me.
“Goddammit,” he said again. “I’d have hated that.”
“Sorry,” I told him. “I’ve found that the truth hurts a lot more than I think it should these days.”
Setting his hands on my hips, he surged up so we were breast to chest. “Just…I need you to be all right with me. To not hate me for it. I’ll…I’ll find a way to apologize to her and mean it.”
“Okay.”
Surprise flickered in his gaze. “That’s it? Just okay?”
“Like I said, you didn’t do it to me. As much as I wish you hadn’t done it to anyone, I’m not the one who has to forgive you. I will say if it ever happens again, I can’t be friends with you.” I couldn’t. This lapse? This lapse I would forgive from my side because we all screwed up.
“Never,” he promised with a kiss. “Ever.” Another kiss. “Again.” Kiss. “I promise.” Kiss. “I mean it.” Kiss.
I laughed a little, then kissed him gently before he wrapped me up in a tight hug and I closed my eyes. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Not easy,” he whispered. “I mean, it used to always be easy. I could tell you anything and now…now I never want you to disappear on me again. I’m terrified of doing the one thing you can’t take anymore, and you vanish.”
“I promised to not ghost you again,” I reminded him. “That if something was wrong, I would talk to you.” His bunched shoulders relaxed. “But I need that same promise from you. If anything…Ian couldn’t tell me why he was so unhappy, and I feel like I let him down somewhere. That’s…that’s why I broke up with him.”
“You broke up with him because you feel like you let him down?” Jake pulled back some and cupped my face as we locked gazes.
“Because of the indecision and the confusion. It was hurting him and you two…”
“We’ll fix this,” he promised.
“Jake, you can’t fix this. I adore you for wanting to, but you can’t. I needed to put me first, and as selfish as I felt about wanting to date all of you—I don’t know how I’m going back to being just friends with him, but I have to try. He’s still Ian. I’ll get there, I just might need some time.”
“Baby girl, you have all the time you need,” Jake said, his eyes solemn and intense. “Except now.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“I really have to pee,” he admitted, and I burst out laughing. Tumbling sideways off of him, I grinned as he ran his hand up my thigh. “You’re also adorably the best, you know that, right?”
“I think what you mean is goofy.”
“Nope,” he said, then slapped a hand against my ass. The jolt went all the way through my system. “I mean adorably the best and the worst in every perfect way.”
The compliment might have been silly, but the intensity in his eyes and the liquid heat simmering in his voice seemed to strip me bare and wrap around me like a hug. In the same breath, the connection fulfilled something I craved and confused me. The weight of it blanketed me, and I didn’t know what to do with that emotion.