“Yes.”
“Do you still want to date just three of them if one is out?”
“Yes but…”
“But what?”
I couldn’t look anywhere else. “It won’t be the same. It’s been the five of us since freshman year.”
“It was the four of you before that, and the three of you before that, and what? You and Coop before that. So you can only add, not subtract?”
Ouch.
“I’m not trying to be a bitch.”
“If you never have to try,” I said dryly as I hung the necklace back up.
Rachel hugged me. “There. That right there.”
“What?” I extracted myself and stared at her.
“That bite in your words, that’s what you’ve been missing for months. If I hadn’t told you about their asinine plan, maybe you would still be right there kicking them in the ass, and they wouldn’t have tripped over their own toys. But you carry the water for all of them. I know part of it is who you are, but the other part is very much they are used to looking at you as their barometer for whether something is okay. Clearly, they suck at it on their own.”
Head back, I groaned. “This isn’t helping me.”
“Because I can’t help you, and neither can they. You have to decide what you want.”
“I did.”
She paused, then glanced around before she focused on me again. “What did you decide?”
“Ian said he didn’t know. Then—the whole we can still be friends and he would still take me to Homecoming and…” I waved my hand at the jewelry. “Part of why I’m here. Marsha and Cheryl are both insisting I need accessories.”
“You do, and we’ll get them. Go on.”
“But I don’t want ‘I don’t know.’”
Rachel said nothing.
“And I don’t want them fighting.”
The silence grew deeper, if that was even a thing.
“So I told him I didn’t want to go to Homecoming. I was releasing him from his obligation and his ask. That, if we were friends, then we were friends, but we were officially not dating. I broke up with him. Two weeks…three weeks. Seems like forever and no time at all.” I blinked furiously. The only reason I’d come out and called Rachel was Archie and Coop said they were working to get Jake. There was literally nothing else I could do, and I had to get my own head figured out.
If Jake ended up charged…I didn’t know what would happen next.
“What did he say?” The soft question reminded me Rachel was there, just as I spotted a really pretty necklace with several layers and it had charms on it. Charms like my bracelet.
I lifted it down carefully. “He didn’t say anything.”
“Nothing?” Disbelief populated the word.
“I left.” I lifted my shoulders. “He needs to figure out him. If dating me or not knowing if he can or any part of that is the issue, then he needs to figure that out first. I don’t know how to do the other.” Even with my inconsistent and mercurial mother, and her waxing and waning affections. It took every ounce of my energy to keep up with her, and I didn’t even want to do that anymore.
She was my mom, but the more she was away, the more I wanted her to stay gone. What did that say about me?
“Wow.” No smart remarks. No cutting comment. “You okay?”