“Without a full exam, I can’t guarantee it,” she said gently. “However, your underwear did not appear to have been disturbed.”
Fuck. Humiliation crawled through me. I’d been in a thong.
“Also, the boys indicated that the assailant was still dressed, those are both positive signs.”
“I don’t remember.” Nebulous flashes. That was it. “I don’t…” I shook my head.
“That’s pretty standard in a case like this. One of your friends consented to a urine test because he was feeling off and said he’d drunk the same water as you. We found a very small amount of flunitrazepam in his system.”
“Archie finished my wa—” That hadn’t been my water. “Is Cheryl all right?” I shook my head to try and clear it. Bad idea. “I’m sorry. The water I drank…Cheryl gave it to me. She said she wanted a soda instead, she’d had a drink from it, and it was warm and tasted off. I was hot and sweaty and really thirsty.”
“I don’t know about your friend, but what I want to do now is perform an exam so we can confirm whether you were assaulted, and I’d also like to collect a urine sample. We’re pretty lucky to be right in the window for this, because a lot of people wait and the sooner we test, the better it will be.”
Did I want to know?
My stomach seesawed. Chest tight, I tried to suck in a deep breath. Sweat dotted my brow, and my mouth went dry—or dryer. “Can I have…” Did I even want water?
“How about some ice chips?” Denitra offered, and she held out a small paper cup already boasting the melting ice. Every action she took was utterly patient.
“So I have to have the test?”
“You don’t have to do anything,” she told me. “But every piece of evidence we gather can help with the prosecution of your assailant.”
My assailant.
I had an assailant.
“What exactly do you do?”
Her explanation didn’t make me feel better. It was invasive, but she promised me complete privacy, and they would take care of everything. “You can say no to the exam, no one is going to compel or force you. I’m here to help. I can discuss the options and recommend therapy and what we can do after, but you have to make the decisions. The urine test though, I think you can handle that, yeah?”
Sure. Pee in a cup. How hard could it be?
“I know this is difficult.”
“It’s hard to be difficult if I can’t remember it.” The guys had found me?
“Not remembering doesn’t make it less traumatic,” she assured me. “It doesn’t make it less invasive. Even if nothing happened, someone still hurt you. That feeling right now—the confusion and the distance—some of that can be after effects of the drug. It’s also shock. This is going to take time to process. It won’t go away over night.”
“You’re saying I’m going to need therapy.” Curtises didn’t do therapy. No, they got involved with inappropriate men real or intentioned, and flaked out on their kids.
My mom wasn’t here. That was what they’d been talking about.
“Therapy wouldn’t hurt, but everything is one step at a time. That’s how we get through this. I’m going to be right here for you…”
“Are you just going to tell the cops and the doctors what I said?”
“No,” she told me so firmly, I didn’t question it. “Unless you specifically ask me to, I won’t be speaking to them at all. I’myouradvocate. I’m protected by confidentiality. What you tell me goes nowhere else unless you give me permission. I’m SAFE.”
“That’s kind of cool.” I blinked hard and looked down at my hand. “I don’t—hurt like he did anything. But I feel kind of funny all over.”
“That’s normal, but I’m glad you aren’t experiencing that kind of discomfort. So would you like to start with the urine test? Or would you like some time to just sit here and think? We’re not in a hurry. This happens on your schedule.”
“How long… how long have we been here?”
“It’s Sunday morning.”
Sunday morning.