“Then save them for somebody who cares, because I’m not answering them.” I shifted Gretchen against my chest. “If she becomes a disturbance, you’re all going home. Otherwise, I expect you to act like she’s not even here.”
A rush of whispers broke out. They were loud enough for me to catch the gist—that if the students could get the baby to cry, they’d get the day off from my class.
I smiled sardonically. “Regardless of whether you all go home, you’ll still have a quiz worth twenty percent of your grade on Wednesday. And not all of what it covers is in the book.”
I’d never seen a crowd that big go that silent, that fast.
“Now, let’s talk about the othering of Africans in Heart of Darkness.”
I had a sneaking suspicion that Gretchen’s presence today, along with my policies about it, were going to be front-page news in the Beasley student paper. Still, it was good to have the students’ attention again. I’d been slipping lately, not preparing as much as I should’ve, hemming and hawing when I normally would’ve been orating passionately.
Gretchen was keeping my hands full on her own, and then there was the drama with Derek. I’d hardly been sleeping, and my job responsibilities had taken a back seat. A tiny bright spot was that my ex seemed to have given up on her revenge attempts, doubtless because of Jaz’s threat of a restraining order. I could admit she was actually smarter than me sometimes.
But from here on in, I’d be going it alone. And as much as I knew I was doing what was best for Jaz, I still wished it didn’t have to be this way.
None of the professors or other staff in the humanities building had been willing to take Gretchen for the morning. They were more than willing to come and coo over her when it was all fun and games, but in a situation where it wasn’t convenient for them, they suddenly had a million excuses. They were in the middle of research, they had their own classes to teach, blah blah blah…
I couldn’t blame anyone but myself for the circumstances I was in. People had their own lives, I understood. Jaz had just spoiled me by being so willing to take Gretchen anytime, no matter what.
I let out a long exhale, realizing I’d stopped lecturing in the middle of a sentence. I couldn’t even blame Gretchen’s sweet smile or chubby cheeks. I’d simply been lost in my own thoughts. Looking at the PowerPoint slide, I started over. Still, my mind was far from the material.
My lips twitched as I remembered the time I’d called her and made her get out of bed to come over and soothe her. We hadn’t even been dating yet. Not even sleeping together. And even then, she said it wasn’t a big deal. She said she cared about her that much.
A ray of warmth threatened to penetrate my heart, but I pushed it forcefully out.
Even then, she’d been putting Gretchen before herself.
And that was exactly what I could no longer let her do.
23
Jaz
Although I tried to get to Tisha’s office early, Faye’s car was already there when I arrived. That was a bad sign. It’d be easier for her to throw me out on arrival than to get me out if I was already in there with Tisha.
I grimaced as I got out of the car. For all I knew, she’d already warned her I might show up and the two of them had already decided how to turn me away. At least my other fear hadn’t come true—they hadn’t rescheduled the meeting.
I knocked on the door and Tisha opened it a second later. “There you are,” she said enthusiastically. “Faye told me you weren’t coming. I’ve been small-talking her to put off starting. I knew you wouldn’t miss this.”
A step behind her, Faye glared at me. “She needs to miss this, actually. It’s not her business anymore.”
“I’m not here for you,” I told her. “I’m here about Gretchen, because I care about her and want what’s best for her.”
“You’ll definitely want to hear what I have to tell you,” Tisha said.
“Jaz, go home.” When I showed no inclination to leave, Faye turned to the lawyer instead. “She’s not part of this. She has nothing to contribute here.”
“Look, your relationship has nothing to do with me. Dr. Erwin, you hired me to represent you, but Jaz has been there since the start. I don’t want to repeat myself when you decide she should be here after all. Now, are you absolutely one hundred percent positive you don’t want her here?”
I caught Faye’s eye, hoping she’d see the sincerity there. “Faye… I’m here for Gretchen. She’s like a daughter to me.”
“You know what? Fine. I don’t care. If you want to take this burden on yourself, go for it.”
I cleared my throat. “I don’t think she’s a burden at all.”
I was dying to hold her, actually. It’d been a long time since I’d spent a whole day without her, and it felt like I was missing a part of myself. I’d felt unnaturally light as I walked around campus. And skipping story hour at the library on a Wednesday just felt wrong.
With that settled, we sat down in Tisha’s office. As she started talking around the problem, beating around the bush with the lead-up to whatever she was going to say, I let my eyes linger on Faye.