“What?” I crossed the room and grabbed her arm, shaking her to make her look at me. “Did you ever ask if I want a Ph.D.? Did you ever wonder if maybe I love you and Gretchen more than my education?”
“You can’t. You shouldn’t.”
“That’s not your choice to make, Faye.”
“I’m making it anyway.”
Gretchen kept screaming as I backed away from her. “Fine. I’ll go.” I walked to the door as calmly as I could when my heart was shattering.
If Faye was serious, I couldn’t force her to let me stay.
* * *
I sleepwalked through the day. When Farrah found me in the grad students’ lounge at lunchtime, I’d been staring at a textbook for fifteen minutes.
At its front cover, to be precise.
“What’s going on?” she asked. “Where’s Gretchen?”
“Baby… daddy… Faye… Ph.D.…”
She blinked and examined me closely. “Are you saying the baby’s father came back and Faye has a Ph.D.?”
That almost made me smile. “Close. She dumped me because she thinks she and Gretchen are holding me back from getting a Ph.D.” I sniffed. “Or something like that. I don’t really know.”
After questioning me a bit more, she shook her head and leaned back. “Where are you going to stay now?”
“I have no idea. I haven’t gotten that far. All I can think about is making her change her mind.”
“You’re welcome to move in with us while you figure out what to do next.” Farrah paused. “I hate to say this, Jaz, but maybe it’s for the best. Faye and Gretchen aren’t your family.”
That was nice of her… I just hoped I wouldn’t have to take her up on the offer. “Would you let Sven break up with you if he thought he was standing in your way?” I demanded. “Or would you tell him he herself is everything you’ve ever wanted?”
Farrah considered for a moment. “I see what you mean, but loving Faye isn’t enough. She does come with a baby.”
“A baby I think of as my own daughter.” I sighed and rubbed my knee. “I know it’s crazy, I know I’m young to have a kid… but there’s plenty of parents our age. I’ve taken care of so many of my cousins, but I never felt like this toward them. Gretchen is… mine. Even if I never see her again, she’ll always be part of me.”
“God, Jaz.”
“I know.” I picked up my textbook and flipped through it as if I had any intention of actually reading it. “I have to get her back.”
“What are you going to do?”
“We have a meeting with our lawyer tonight at six. I’m guessing Faye thinks I’ve forgotten.”
Farrah bit her lip. “You’re probably not invited anymore.”
She was always so sensible. But sometimes being sensible wasn’t an option.
“All the more reason to go.”
22
Faye
“Yes, there’s a baby in a sling on my chest. Yes, she’s really unbelievably adorable. Any further questions?”
Hands went up across the five-hundred-person lecture hall.