“I know.” I arch against him, moving with him, both of us in rhythm with each other. “I know.”
“It feels like–” he gasps, his hips rocking against me, a shudder going through him as he closes his eyes. “I’ve only ever said it once. A long time ago–”
To Natalie.He won’t say it aloud, won’t say her name aloud, because it would be wrong here, in bed with me, inside of me. But I know that’s what he’s thinking. I wonder how long her shadow will hang between us, hover over us, how long I’ll be her half-sister that he loves too and not just Athena, not just the woman that he loves now.
It doesn’t matter, though. Leaving Dean and Cayde at this point would be hard enough, but leaving Jaxon is unthinkable. We’ve been through so much already, and the moment he went down on his knees to beg for my forgiveness, the moment he let me punish him the way the boys have been punishing me, the wayhepunished me, was the moment that I knew that he understands me better than anyone else.
“I feel it too,” I whisper, arching against him, feeling my nipples press against his chest, brushing over his skin. “I can say it first, if you want. But you have to say it back.”
Jaxon surges inside of me, thrusting until he’s all the way in again, buried inside of me. He holds himself there and nods, breathless with pleasure. “Yes,” he groans. “Help me, Athena. Help me–”
Help me move on.
I reach behind his head, threading my fingers through the long hair there, and I pull his mouth back down to mine, pressing my lips to his. I wrap my legs around his hips, holding him like a vine wrapped around his body, and when he breaks the kiss with a shuddering gasp, I whisper the words that I know he needs to hear against his lips.
“I love you, Jaxon.” I breathe in, feeling the force of it reverberate through me, the wall that I’ve just broken through. “You might not have been the first man in my bed, but you’re the first one I ever said that to. You’re the first man I’ve ever said that I loved out loud.”
Jaxon squeezes his eyes shut, his forehead still pressed to mine. “I can’t give you that,” he whispers. “I’ve said it before. I can’t give you anything for the first time–”
“Have you ever asked someone to forgive you for the things you’ve done before?” I run my fingers over his cheeks. “Have you ever done what you did for me? To make up for it?”
“I beggedher,” Jaxon whispers. “But she was already gone.”
“Well I’m not.” I kiss him fiercely, wrapping my arms around him, holding him against me. “I’m still here. You can have all of the forgiveness I can give you, for both of us. Forgiveness, and love. And when this is over–”
“What if I’m not good enough?” Jaxon has gone very still now, everything forgotten except the emotions running through him, until he’s nearly shaking with it. “I’m not good enough for you Athena, I’ve never been enough for anyone–”
“You’re enough for me.” I press my hands to either side of his face.
“Along with Cayde, and Dean–” he swallows hard. “I’ve shared women with them before. But never one that I–”
“Say it.” I tilt my chin up, looking into his eyes. “You promised you would, if I did.”
He pauses. A beat passes between us, a long, trembling moment, and then he reaches up, cupping my face in his palm.
“Never one that I loved.”
He kisses me then, hot and fierce, his body surging against mine. He’s only half-hard now, some of his arousal lost in our conversation, but he’s still inside of me, and I can feel him hardening again, his body sliding over mine. His tongue plunges into my mouth, his hands in my hair, and he whispers it against my lips, breathlessly.
“I love you, Athena. I love you, I love you–” the words tumble out, over and over, as if now that he’s said it he can’t stop. “I love you–”
He’s moving faster now, harder, and I meet him with every thrust, words forgotten as we cling to each other, driving each other towards the peak of pleasure. He feels so good, as if he was meant to fit inside of me, and I clutch the back of his head, kissing him wildly as I feel the orgasm swell inside of me, like a bubble expanding until I know that any second it’s going to burst over me. I want it,needit, like nothing I’ve ever needed before. It seems to pale in comparison to all the times the boys have teased me, edged me, because suddenly I want to come with Jaxon more than anything in the entire world.
When it does, it feels like electricity, like fireworks, different from anything else I’ve felt. I press myself against him, wanting every bit of skin against his, and I hear Jaxon groan aloud as I clench around him, his hands fisting in the pillows on either side of my head as he drives into me hard and fast, panting breathlessly as he approaches his own climax. I feel almost dizzy with pleasure, light bursting behind my eyes as I squeeze them shut, my nails digging into his shoulders as I cry out. “Jaxon! Oh god, Jaxon–”
“Athena–” he gasps out my name, and I feel him go rock-solid inside of me, his entire body shuddering as pleasure ripples through him, and I feel the hot rush of him inside of me, his cock thick and stretching me, his piercing rubbing against my most sensitive spot, and I arch my back hard, a second wave of intense, almost unbearable pleasure following the first.
He rocks against me, grinding, groaning as he moans my name again and again, and when he collapses on top of me he buries his face in my neck, breathing me in as the last shudders of pleasure wash through him.
I don’t want to move, or breathe, or think, or do anything to break this moment. We lay there for what feels like several long minutes, glued together, Jaxon still inside of me as we try to catch our breath.
When he finally rolls off of me, laying on his back with his muscled chest heaving, I look over at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It’s nearing dusk, and I look out of the window, remembering my dream. The weight of it comes back, settling in my chest like a boulder, but I don’t start to cry again. Instead, I have a sudden thought, and I know what I need to do.
Jaxon rolls towards me, his eyes narrowed. “You look like you’ve just thought of something,” he says, and I nod.
“Well?” He pushes a piece of hair out of my face, a gesture so sweet and intimate that it makes my chest clench.
“There’s something I need to do,” I say softly. “And I’d like you to come with me.”