He flinches jokingly. “That’s gonna leave a mark.”
I kiss him fiercely before shifting off him. “Hopefully, that will make it all better.”
His wicked grin tells me it did more than that. Shakily we get back to our feet and try once more.
Everything about tonight is perfect. The smile on Gabriel’s face, the joyful energy all around us, the way he’s showing me a tender kind of affection, holding my hand and teasing me rather than physically claiming me. It’s all incredibly romantic, something I never thought I’d consider Gabriel, who’s always shown me rough edges and animal instinct.
If I’m perfectly honest with myself, I’m beyond attracted to this side of him. And knowing it’s something he’s capable of makes me fall for him in a way I’ve never done before. We’re having too much fun, and I feel myself falling hard for this intense, dangerous biker.
After countless loops around the rink, a short break for some hot apple cider, and another hour of acclimating to the feel of gliding along on thin strips of metal and solid ice, we call it a night. Thankfully, the exertion of trying to stay on my feet for so long has warmed me enough that the short walk to Gabe’s bike is bearable. But the cold New England air is so bitterly cold that my breath fogs in front of me, thick enough to hide my feet from view when I look down.
Once again, Gabriel wraps me in his arm and holds me close to his side as we walk, and it feels so normal, so right. Icouldbe doing this with any guy, but for some reason, Gabriel’s chosen me. And he took me on this date to show me that he cares, that he wants us to have a normal relationship.
Well… normal-er,I concede as his Night Train comes into view. After all, there’s nothing truly normal about Gabriel’s lifestyle. As normal and happy as tonight has been, this isn’t his reality, no matter how good he is at playing like it is.
A cold sliver of doubt darkens my mood as I swing my leg over his bike and wrap my arms around his middle, feeling the hardness of his abs even through his winter jacket.
In a dream world, I could see myself with Gabriel. I could see living happily with him, raising a family, and growing old together. But the fact is, that’s not reality. Devil’s Sons don’t grow old. I know that because not a single man in the club is over fifty. And that’s not because they chose to retire. Once you’re in, you’re in for life. That’s what it means to be in a club. Or so Gabriel told me once. Between the two of us, Gabriel and I have far too many possible ways of dying. Me, if the Blackmoor heirs or Athena catch wind of my survival. Gabe, because he’s part of a hardcore biker gang, one that does dirty jobs and makes enemies, often.
I just don’t know how I can do it. I don’t want to lose someone else important in my life. I’ve already lost my mother. And while I wasn’t particularly close with my father or brother, they were still significant people in my life. Their deaths completely uprooted my existence. I don’t think I can do that again, and with Gabriel, that would be the most likely outcome. I can’t bring myself to do it. And I certainly can’t bring myself to drag a child into that kind of situation. I won’t make my baby suffer the same fate as Parker. He may be a strong kid, but I could see it in his eyes today. The boy needs a father, and Gabriel’s the one who took that man from him. All in the name of the club.
No, I need to focus, to set my sights on revenge and then getting the fuck out of dodge.
By the time we make it back to the club, things have started to calm down for the night. Rather than head into the bar, Gabriel pulls around back and leads me through the residential door so we can head straight to our room. It’s strange. Though he’s holding my hand the same way he was throughout the night, it feels different now. Like I’m disconnected from him, like he’s pulling me by a string rather than clasping my hand with his own.
I follow him with detached acceptance, aware that my decision might contradict my actions over the last few days. But I can’t do this. I don’t want to be part of a biker’s life. To live to serve his needs and make him happy. To be handed off to his friends whenever I make him mad.
Once we’re in our room, Gabriel releases my hand so we can strip our coats, gloves, and hats. We both strip down to our underwear, and I turn to the dresser by the door to grab a towel. I need some space, and a hot shower will help chase away the bitter cold that has sunk into my very core. I’m not entirely sure if it’s solely due to the weather.
Before I can find a towel, I feel Gabriel’s strong hand take my elbow. Turning me to face him, Gabe snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me close. When he leans in for a kiss, I pull back, pressing my hands to his chest to make it clear that I’m saying no.
But Gabriel doesn’t even seem to care. Wrapping his other arm around my hips, he hoists me onto the dresser, making it rock as he leans into it, trapping me between him and the wall. This time, I have nowhere to go as his lips capture mine and his fingers tangle in my hair.
A shiver runs down my spine as I’m torn between the electric sensation of his lips caressing mine and the urge to run away. I don’t want this, but fuck if I can resist him. His tongue presses between my lips, tangling with my own as he intensifies the kiss. I feel him growing hard between my thighs, his cock pressing against me earnestly.
Tears sting the back of my eyes as my emotions war within me. I hate how desperately I want him, but more than that, I’m determined to resist the temptation. I’ve already fucked my life up enough as it is. I can’t keep doing this. I sniffle as the tears start to flow down my cheeks, and Gabriel pulls back as if suddenly realizing I’m upset.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his thick eyebrows pressing together in a frown as his tone fills with concern.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper, sniffling harder now. “I can’t be with you. What happens when we fight again? Whenever we have problems? Are you just going to hand me over to your friends again? Jerk off and watch while they use my body?”
The concern on his face melts away as frustration takes its place. I can see in his eyes that he feels like I took a cheap shot. Maybe I did, but it’s an honest-to-god concern I have because of what he did, and he’s going to have to deal with that fact.How can I trust him to have a normal way of coping with a relationship when he’s shown me everything but?
“It’s not like you didn’t like it,” he throws back at me, his tone turning bitter. “You got off on it. You were so fucking wet having them use you like that. And how many times did you come? Don’t pretend like you were just some poor victim. You fucking loved it. I would know. I got to take you last. And you were gushing with your own pleasure.”
I can hear in his tone that he resents me for it, even if just a little, and that makes my chest constrict painfully. Not only does he choose to hand me over to his friends, let them fuck me every which way they see fit and tell me to make it worth their while.Now he’s going to hold it against me that I actually got pleasure out of the deal?I grit my teeth in frustration, and the tears flow harder as my temper spikes. This definitely isn’t going to work.
“That doesn’t matter, Gabriel,” I hiss. “That’s not hownormalcouples act,” I say, throwing his word back in his face from earlier tonight. He wanted to give me anormaldate, but that’s just a fantasy. That’s not him.
I can see I’ve pushed my limits as a riot of emotions crosses his face. When he speaks, his tone is low, deadly calm. “I try for you, Winter, when I can, but I’ll never be normal. I’m always going to be fucked up and jealous and an outlaw. How could I be anything else with my past? This is all I’ve ever known. I’ll never be some perfect, pompous prince like Dean Blackmoor, but I want you. More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life. You’re mine, and I’m never going to let anyone touch you again.”
The intensity of his voice by the end of his speech rocks me to my core, staunching my tears instantly. The sincerity of it sends a tingling sensation to the tips of my fingers and toes, and my heart hammers in my chest. He points to the purple bruise and scrape marking his cheek.
“I got in a fight today over that exact point. The boys were making some comments about it that rubbed me the wrong way because they didn’t quite get the message the first time I told them. You’re mine, and I’ll break their fucking necks if they dare to try anything.”
“What, those are because you were fighting yourfriends?” I ask, aghast. “Allthreeof them?” After seeing them all naked and having them manhandle me for a night, I know for a fact that would be a dangerous endeavor. Those guys are built and not afraid to be aggressive.
Gabriel nods seriously, his blue eyes burning into my own. “I want you, Winter, and I’ll do whatever I have to in order to prove that. You’re mine, and I’m not letting you go.”