Winter
Nerves make my stomach quiver,and I wonder if the little life inside me can feel how utterly terrified I am. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to do this, and only Gabriel’s presence stabilizes me just a little bit.
I bite my lip as the doctor pokes a needle into my arm and draws a vial of blood from me. The deep red turns my stomach, and I wonder if I just might get my morning sickness in the middle of the day this time.
Gabriel’s hand finds mine, squeezing my palm reassuringly and distracting me from the pain. My lip quivers as I look up at him, and he mouths that everything will be okay.
The doctor takes my vitals next, wrapping a thick strap around my arm and pumping it full of air before counting my pulse. He listens to my heart and breathing, checking my health and well-being with only a few light words of conversation to carry us through.
“Ready for your ultrasound? He asks after he’s done poking and prodding me. His kind eyes tell me he’s excited for me, though I sense he’s unsure of where I stand on the whole matter.
After his question about my age, I thought he might be one of those doctors that look down on girls for getting pregnant young. Though now, I’m not so sure, and I don’t know if that’s because I saw him flinch at Gabriel’s warning look or if I was more defensive than necessary.
Now though, he seems genuinely enthusiastic to show me my child. I don’t know if I'm ready for it.Will I hear a heartbeat?
“It may be tricky to see your embryo at this stage if, in fact, you’re at about six weeks. However, if I take a look, that will help me better assess how far along you are and if the pregnancy is progressing normally,” the doctor explains. Adjusting his gloves, he picks up a bottle of what I can only assume is the goop he plans to smear all over my stomach. “If you’ll raise your sweatshirt up to here.” He indicates high on his chest.
I comply and hear the hint of a growl from Gabriel’s chest.
“And if you don’t mind rolling your jeans down a little further. I’ll need to get to about here.”
“What are you pla—” he snarls, but I cut him short with a look.
“It’s fine,” I say, warning him with my eyes.
Gabriel presses his lips tight, trying not to aggravate me further, but I can tell he doesn’t like this doctor. He’s being overly protective. And I have enough on my plate. I don’t need to manage him too.
Unbuttoning my jeans, I fold down the waistband until they’re low enough for the doctor’s request. Then I settle back onto the exam table once more.
The gel is cold as Dr. Russ smears it across my belly. Then he pulls the large ultrasound machine closer, flicking it on, so the screen comes to life.
“Ready?” he asks with excitement.
Taking a fortifying breath, I nod. Gabriel’s hand slips into mine as the doctor presses his medical wand to my stomach. Immediately, the screen fills with life, and a thrumming sound fills the room.
My heart swells with unexpected anticipation as I turn my eyes to the monitor, watching as the doctor slowly glides the apparatus across my skin, his eyes on the monitor as he searches for something.
“There,” he says, pausing the wand as the screen fills with odd black-and-white shapes. “This, here.” The doctor points to a tiny speck in the middle of the screen, nothing larger than a grape. “That is your baby,” he explains, turning to me with a smile.
Dumbfounded, I stare at the screen, my heart pounding erratically against my ribs. That’s my baby. The reality hits me all at once, and I feel as though I can barely breathe.
“Is that?”
“The heartbeat. It’s quite strong. From the size of your baby, I would say you're just right. Six weeks. Which will make you due….” The image vanishes from the screen as he steps back to look at a paper calendar on the wall. “Right around August 22.”
The simplicity of his statement rocks me to my core, and tears sting my eyes as I look back at Gabriel. Tears make his eyes glossy, and the sight of him so emotional pushes me over the edge. Tears overflow from my eyes as I start to cry.
“We’re having a baby,” I whisper.
And Gabriel releases a breathy laugh. He nods as a smile spreads across his face, then he leans in to kiss my forehead.
“I’ll give you two a moment,” the doctor interjects, switching off the monitor. “But I’ll be back with a printout of your first ultrasound. Congratulations. You’re going to be parents.” Setting a rag next to me on the exam table, he informs me that I can use it to clean up when I’m ready.
I barely notice the doctor as he slips from the room. My eyes are only on Gabe’s as we share this moment, joy and excitement flowing between us that I had never expected to feel. Gabriel leans in for a kiss, and the electricity that ripples through me is as potent as the first time he kissed me. In that instant, I feel as though everything is right in the world. We’re having a baby together, and I’m sure I want to keep it. I want to have a family with him, and today, we’re starting on that journey together.
Gabriel helps me clean up, and he disposes of the towel as I button my jeans and pull my sweatshirt down over my stomach and hips. The rest of the appointment is spent speaking with Dr. Russ about setting up a follow-up exam. He gives us a printout of the ultrasound, and I cling to it emotionally. I can’t believe I ever considered getting an abortion. I’m overwhelmed by the happiness I feel at seeing my little peanut growing inside me.
Is it a boy or a girl?I won’t know for a while yet, Dr. Russ informs me. But I can’t wait to find out. As we leave the doctor’s office together, Gabriel wraps his arm around my shoulders and presses a kiss to the crown of my head.