“I—I don’t know,” I admit candidly, looking down at our clasped hands. “I’m scared. And confused. And yes, maybe a little excited. But I mostly feel lost. I hadn’t expected to get pregnant. I wasn’t planning to be. And it happened so suddenly. I feel like things are changing so fast, and everyone just expects me to go with it, to adapt and move on like I’m just part of life’s flow.” I shake my head, fighting the sting of tears as I admit my feelings to her.
Starla squeezes my hand encouragingly. “You’ve had a lot to wrap your mind around in a very short amount of time. From Winter Romero, princess of Blackmoor and community icon, to an orphan with no family name or money to support her. And now you add mother on top of that? Who wouldn’t be overwhelmed?”
My head snaps up at the description, and I stare at Starla in shock. “You know who I am? Or who I was?” I hadn’t thought anyone but Gabe and Mark knew. And if they did, I was sure they would hate me for it. My family was terrible to the Devil’s Sons. We used them like pets, nothing more than dogs, and so many of my father’s calls had led to members’ deaths.
But Starla’s lips pull into a crooked smile, her expression ironic. “I figured out who you were quite a while ago, actually,” she admits.
“How have you tolerated being around me then?” I ask, dumbfounded.
Starla laughs lightly at that, breaking the tension in my shoulders. “Gabriel’s not the only one who’s grown attached to you, you know. I have really enjoyed having you around. And I don’t judge a book by its cover or a girl by her past or her family.”
That makes me laugh, and I smile along with her. “Thank goodness.”
“So, what’s your plan?” she asks, glancing down at my belly.
I take a drink of coffee as I consider my response. I don’t know how Starla might feel about abortions, and I don’t want to alienate my only friend. But I also don’t want to lie to her.
“I don’t know yet,” I admit finally. “I feel like I’m still wrapping my mind around everything like it’s not quite real. Gabriel wants me to keep it. He wants to start a family together. But I don’t know if I’m ready for it yet. I’m still having a hard time knowing if this life is for me.”
“Gabriel wants you to stay in the clubhouse with him?” Starla asks in surprise.
I shake my head, realizing I was getting ahead of myself. “I don’t think so. He’s even suggested we leave town. Start over somewhere new, where no one will be looking for me.” I chew the inside of my cheek, trying to decide how much I should tell her. After all, she’s the president’s daughter, and I can’t expect her loyalty to lie more with me than her father.
“Well, that would be good, wouldn’t it? Don’t get me wrong. I would miss you if you left. But I know it’s been hard for you to find your way when you’re so isolated. It can’t be easy having me as your only friend even near your age, and I’m still a good five years older than you. You must miss knowing people your own age, doing college stuff, or just going out and meeting people.”
“Don’t say that. You’re the best thing I’ve found in my new life, and I don’t know what I would do without you,” I object.
In truth, Starla’s probably the best friend I’ve ever had. And I don’t particularly miss my college experience. I only went to college because Dean was there, and I needed to integrate myself into his life. The college parties were fun, sure. But just like I told Gabe last night, I don’t particularly yearn for them or feel like I’m missing out.So, what am I looking for? What do I want from my life? Is raising a family with Gabriel such a bad dream?
“I’ve known Gabe a long time,” Starla says, her eyes kind as she studies my expression. “In a way, he and I have a shared experience.” Starla swallows hard, looking down at her mug and picking at it with her fingers as she hesitates to say anything further.
I wait patiently, knowing that whatever it is, it must be hard to talk about. She’s never usually this reserved.
“We both lost our mothers at the same time to that stupid turf war. And while I went through something more… physically traumatic than Gabe, I at least came out of that club war with my father still alive.” Starla strokes her scare absently as she looks out the window again, her eyes growing distant.
At that moment, I know. She was one of the daughters who got kidnapped along with several of the Devil’s Sons’ wives. She was probably raped, and those rival bikers were the ones responsible for the scar on her face. I’m sure of it. But I can’t bring myself to ask, to confirm my suspicions. Instead, I wait for her to say whatever she’s willing to tell me.
When she turns to face me again, tears shimmer along her lash line. “He went through something no child should have to endure at that young age. And while the club was here to support him financially and put a roof over his head when he was too young to provide for himself, I don’t know that anyone knew how to help that emotional wound heal. He was surrounded by hard men with hard pasts and hard principles.”
I smile sympathetically, closing the distance between us and squeezing her arm reassuringly. It breaks my heart to hear her speak about their past, the trauma they lived through, and the kind of life that they gave Gabe. I knew from other snippets of conversations that he went without a family because of that turf war. But hearing Starla talk about it so openly breaks my heart.
Clearing her throat, Starla seems to bring herself back to the present. “I’m just happy to hear that he’s not so damaged that he’s scared to have a family, you know? I could picture him as a father. He’s always been so immensely protective. I’m sure he would put you and your children’s safety first and foremost.”
I chuckle at that. She’s not wrong. I can only imagine if we have a daughter what her rebellious years might look like. She’ll never have a chance to sneak out of the house or get in trouble, let alone have trouble finding her. With Gabe’s watchful eye and incredible strength, nothing would harm our family. I’m sure of that much.
“And he’s always been so sweet with the kids around here.” Starla giggles. “I don’t usually think of him as a teddy bear, but the kids sure seem to think he makes a great jungle gym.”
The image of little children hanging off of Gabriel makes me laugh. “Really? They’re not all scared of him that they burst into tears when he looks their way?”
Starla giggles along with me. “No, actually, it’s a testament to how much he likes you that you haven’t seen him rolling around on the floor with him at one of our holiday parties. Typically, he’s more like the crazy uncle who runs them ragged by the end of the night. I think this is the first year he’s sat down at the table to enjoy a full meal.”
That makes me laugh harder, and somehow, the tension in my chest starts to relax a little as I consider Gabriel in a whole new light. He loves kids. I never would have guessed.
“Seriously though, if you two have the chance to start somewhere new, I think you both deserve that opportunity. You’re good together, and I think you would make a wonderful family… not that you asked me. But I just had to give you my opinion anyhow.”
I smile gratefully at Starla and pull her in for a hug. “Thank you for coming to talk to me. I really needed it.”
“Anytime,” she says, giving me a squeeze.