Sighing heavily, Gabriel complies, walking me back to his bike and holding it steady as I climb on. He hesitates there as if struggling to say something again, and I see him looking down at the keychain I gave him for Christmas. His fingers linger over it, almost like he’s saying a silent prayer, seeking fortification against my anger. Or perhaps patience for me, like I’m being unreasonable. Grinding my teeth, I keep my lips locked, so I won’t say something I regret later.
Gripping the key, Gabriel revs the engine to life, and we tear away from the college house party before us. Clinging to Gabriel’s jacket as we weave our way back toward the road into Blackmoor, I think about everything he said, about the party going on in the Kings’ house, about my past and my future. For some reason, despite everything that’s happened, I can’t imagine leaving all this behind.
Though I’ve considered it myself countless times since I regained my memories, while I was trying to decide how best to handle the fact that this town is too small for both Athena and me to live here amicably, I still can’t see myself setting everything aside, letting it all that past animosity go to start a new life somewhere else with Gabriel. I feel torn in so many different directions.
Not just torn in different directions, torn between my past self, the one who would look down on my situation, on Gabriel, and sneer at the squalor I’m living in, the depths I’ve sunk to in a matter of months; the part of me who is falling hard and fast for Gabriel, who sees how tender and affectionate he can be, who might just love the idea of having a family with him; and the part of me who doesn’t know who I am at all. I’m lost in a sea of confusion, and while Gabriel’s trying to throw me a life raft, I feel as though he doesn’t see it at all. I’m unsure of which direction I need to swim if I’m going to keep my head above water.
My chest aches with the utter loneliness that consumes me. And no amount of determination on Gabe’s end is going to change that. This is something I have to decide for myself. And my–our?-- baby.
The party’s still in full swing when we pull around the clubhouse to the back parking lot. They’re just getting the fireworks set up to shoot off at midnight. I wonder from the way the men are wobbling precariously if they might light the house on fire rather than sending the explosives into the sky. Not that I have much inside that would merit saving, but I would prefer not to lose my last possessions that don’t consist of the clothes on my back. But I’m not about to waltz into a group full of bikers and tell them they need to sober up before they play with fireworks.
Keeping a safe distance, Gabriel and I watch from a spot not too far from his bike, and I wonder if the same thought is running through his head. I don’t ask. I’m not ready to let go of our tiff just yet.
“You ready for some excitement?” Starla asks, stepping up beside us.
She holds out a beer to me, and Gabriel smoothly accepts it, thanking her as though she intended to give it to him the whole time. I just shrug and smile, grateful that he had a response to avoid putting me in an awkward situation.
“Oh, yeah. This should be good.”
“I’ll bet you ten bucks someone loses a finger,” Dallas wagers, approaching us as well. He leans up against the wall next to Starla, just close enough that I wonder if he might not be trying to gain her attention without saying as much.
She seems entirely indifferent.
“You’re on,” Gabriel says.
When Dallas hands him a shot of whiskey to seal the deal, I can only hope we don’t need to make a quick getaway on his bike.
Despite the tottering stances and fumbling fingers, the Devil’s Sons members manage to set up their fireworks in a decent amount of time, and I brace as the first one crackles to life. With a sharp whistle, the cannon launches the flaming stick into the sky, and it bursts over our heads in a shower of glittering gold.
“Whoo!” someone cheers from across the yard before toppling backward off their chair.
Three more bursts of light follow in quick succession. I realize that despite the obviously inebriated group, they just might know what the hell they’re doing.
“They do this every year,” Starla says, leaning toward me as if she can hear my thoughts. “Don’t get me wrong. They’re still amateurs and complete idiots, but at least they have some experience.”
I laugh openly at that. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”
Something about the reckless abandon with which the Devil’s Sons bring in the new year lights a warmth inside me. When Gabriel slings an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side, I don’t pull away. I would rather celebrate with him at this moment than be alone.
The fireworks go on for well over half an hour, and I’m a bit shocked at how many they manage to light without setting the clubhouse on fire. Eventually, Knuckles and Rico join us as well, and the boys grow rowdier, Gabriel with them, as they drink more. I don’t often see Gabriel let loose like this, and it’s nice to see him smile as his eyes glaze slightly from his buzz.
But as the last of the fireworks explode above us in quick succession, marking the final seconds of the year, Gabriel pulls me aside, away from the crowd, to wrap me in his arms.
“Happy New Year!” we hear belting out across the yard, and people cheer and glasses smashed.
“Happy New Year, Winter,” Gabriel whispers as he pulls me close.
When he leans in for a kiss, my body comes to life, tingling with the pleasure of feeling his warm lips soft against mine. It never fails to amaze me how drawn to him I feel. While I might resist accepting Gabriel’s way of life, of living like a biker’s wife, one thing is for sure. No one makes me feel more alive.
When he draws back, I’m breathless, and I look up into his bright blue eyes.
“It’s a new year,” he breathes, his voice thick with sincere emotion. “This could be a new start for both of us.” His lips twitch into a beautiful smile, and I can’t bring myself to say anything that might take it from his lips.
Instead, I lean onto my toes and wrap my arms around his neck. Pulling him in for another, deeper kiss. In that instant, my heart is so full that I forget about all my uncertainty and reasons to object. All I want is a New Year’s kiss to remember.
18
Gabriel