“Not the point.”
“Your point is. . .”
“Nothing.”
“No, there is something. You look tired. Are you okay?” I have to coax her. She’s stubborn, like me.
“Look,” she pulls up a chair and sits close to me, “I have breast cancer and I want you to have this, in case I don’t make it out of surgery or treatment.” She fishes in her apron pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper that she slips to me. “This is our secret.”
I try to read her face, but all I know for sure is this explains why she’s been looking tired and why Grandfather hinted at spending more time with her. It’s all clear to me now.
“Mama, cancer. You should have told me. I’ll make sure you have the best doctors.”
“I do already, that’s taken care of. This cancer is not the only secret I’ve kept from you. Before I married Nico, I had a relationship with a married man. His name was Aldo Lorenzo Micheli. He is your real father… He was not going to leave his wife, so I married Nico when you were not even two. He adopted you, that’s the paper.” She taps the piece of paper in my hand. “Now put it away before Papa comes,” she warns.
I slip it in the front pocket of my jeans.
“Why, why tell me now?”
“Because I have to come clean with my past and I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else. You deserve to know the truth but keep it to yourself. This makes you the heir to not only the Toska family empire but also the Micheli family empire. I should have known that your life was destined to be intertwined with them. Somehow, blood always finds a way back to its source.”
I can tell this has been cathartic for her and I hope her burden is lighter. But what the fuck do I do with this information?
“Your grandfather loves you very much, but be careful. The minute you lose favor with him, things might go south. He never approved of me dating an Italian. Then, along comes an illegitimate love child. Well, that essentially ended my relationship with him, but he always wanted you. He’s not the same with Cosimo. You’re definitely his favorite.”
After a long pause, I ask, “I’m the reason you and Grandfather aren’t close?”
“Yes, but it’s nothing. I’m fine. I keep up my end of the family business and we make good money here. I have Nico, you, and Cosimo. Nico raised you and loved you but neither of you were ever interested in the same things, not like he is with Cosimo.”
“Humph.” Does it matter?
Mama goes on to say, “There were dark days for the Michelis back then, so I kept you safe. I never told Aldo about you. There was no point. He was never going to leave his wife or stop womanizing.” She takes my hand in hers and searches my face for something…empathy, maybe loss.
Nico and Cosimo come through the door, surprising us both, and she jerks her hands away to avoid their questions.
“Hi Papa, Cosimo, how are you?” I ask, pretending everything is normal. I’m shaken with the news of Mama’s illness and my new family tree, but I put on my best poker face. And, I’m annoyed we didn’t have a chance to talk about her doctors or treatments before we were interrupted.
“Fine, fine,” Cosimo answers in Italian.
We visit for a short time, then I get a phone call and I’m out the door.
My mind is all over the place. For some reason I remember Marchello has a passion for expensive watches and sneakers. We bonded immediately over our common interest in vintage Nikes. How do I know that’s not genetic? Maybe this is why I never felt at home in Nico’s house. Too young to understand, and yet I was probably picking up on some unspoken undercurrent of energy. Negative energy.
I wish I got to know Aldo before he died. I wonder what we would have thought of each other. Oh well, like Mama explained, he loved his wife, and with three boys and a mafia war to fight, I’m sure he had his hands full.
I give my mama a hug and kiss and make sure she calls me if she needs anything. Nico is a good man and will take good care of her. I had no way of knowing at the time that I wouldn’t have time to help her much as my life was about to change drastically.
14
Valentina
It’s strange living at home knowing I’ll be moving out soon. I knew this day would come and for whatever reason, I thought I’d have more time to prepare and maybe even have a choice in the matter. How could I have been so naïve? I should have known better.
“Laura, how are things going?” I sit on my bed talking on the phone. I’m wearing a tracksuit because it’s comfortable and I need that right now.
“Have you talked to your mother?”
“Some, I mean she wants me to learn how to cook all of a sudden. And she wants to help me start looking at wedding dresses. She’s been acting nervous. I think my papa is in some serious shit.”