“No, ma’am.” We’d be seeing her next month; I wanted to be around when Arnauld arrived in town to make sure it wasn’t another setup. I dropped a kiss on her cheek, then stepped out of her embrace. “We’ll text when we get home.”
“Drive safe. I love you, honey,” she called to Hallie.
“Love you too, Mom,” Hells replied through the open window as I climbed behind the wheel. “See you soon.”
With departing kisses blown between mother and daughter, I reversed out of the driveway and slowly pulled into the street. A single glance sideways at Hallie had my heart tugging.
I reached across and threaded my fingers through hers on her thigh. “You’ve barely said a word to me, Hells. I’m worried.”
“It’s not your problem,” she mumbled.
“It is though.” I double-squeezed her fingers. “Your burden is my burden, babe. That’s how relationships work.”
Her eyes met mine, and if I hadn’t been driving, I would have held her sorrow-filled gaze. “I’m scared that when you touch me, it’s going to bring it all back.”
I physically had to force my fingers to relax after they clamped. “Touching you, as in—”
“Like fucking, Ayve. I’m scared that when we fuck, it’s going to remind me of being raped.”
The comment, though whispered, echoed around my truck and stole my ability to breathe. I unlinked our fingers and roughly turned off the radio, unable to stand the upbeat melody when my soul was breaking.
It all made sense now; the cold shoulder I’d received since we’d arrived at her mom’s house, how she’d shrug off my arms when I wrapped them around her. How she’d disappear, then turn up an hour later with no explanation to satisfy the worry that had been tearing me apart. Instead of rekindling our connection, Hallie was growing more distant by the day.
“It’s gonna be okay, Hells. I promise. And we won’t tackle that until you’re sure you’re absolutely ready.”
“I need you to force yourself on me.”
“What?” My voice pitched. “No,” I stated vehemently. “Absolutely fucking not.”
“I need to reclaim the part of me they took. I fought as hard as I could, but I need to prove to myself that I can fight off an attacker if I’m ever in that situation again.”
“You won’t be,” I growled, wringing the life out of the steering wheel.
“I might be,” she countered.
“I won’t let it.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Just did.”
“For fuck’s sake, Avery! Would you just stop?”
I dashed a dismayed glance her way. “Stop what?”
“Stop babying me. Stop trying to make everything okay and stop fucking caring so much. I need you to give me this. One thing is all I ask. One little thing.”
“One little thing!” I exclaimed. “It’s notone little thing!You’re wanting me to reenact an assault—a distressing one at that. I simply won’t, Hallie. No fucking way.”
A long silence ensued and pushed the tension within my truck through the cab roof. I didn’t dare touch her. Hell, I didn’t even dare to glance in her direction. I kept my eyes glued to the road. I’d do almost anything for this woman, but this type of role-play was a request I drew the line at. Games like those were destined to destroy, not mend.
“I just hate feeling powerless,” she eventually murmured.
An invisible punch hit me square in the chest. “I know you do, babe. And it breaks my heart so fucking much. But you’ll get through this, Hells. I swear.”
“Right now, I don’t believe you.”
The inside of my cheek bore the brunt of my teeth biting back frustrations. “We’ve known each other for how long? At least a decade,” I answered for her. “You’ve trusted me since we were on the same team, and all I ask is that you trust me now.”