Her hazel eyes seared me to the core. “I trust you, Avery. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be asking this of you. I trust you with my life.”
I shook my head, and my voice came out ragged. “I’m sorry, Hells. That is the one thing I won’t ever do for you.”
The weight of her pensive internal thoughts could be felt. They burdened my soul. I hated letting her down, but imagining forcing myself on her left me sickened and twitching in disgust.
“I don’t know how yet, but I promise I’m going to fix you, babe.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hallie
The tension in the truck suffocated what little oxygen I managed to inhale. All the fight had left me since surrendering to my father’s blackmailed request. After the sedative had worn off during the flight home, I simply couldn’t find it in myself to give a fuck. About anything. But more painfully: anyone. Including myself.
With every mile driven closer toward Fort Irwin, a deep resolve settled within me. Not only did my tears dry and turn into resentment-filled vexation, but the further we got from the compound, the easier I could breathe.
Claire would vehemently disagree that I let the team down. But I put them in unjust danger outside of mission parameters, and while I was incredibly grateful to them for saving my ass, it also left me wracked with guilt.
I looked across at Avery and my heart grew heavy. Silent with his thoughts, his chiseled jaw was set tight, ticking every now and then. He ran a hand through his hair for the thousandth time, further disheveling the light-colored strands on top.
Dusky blue eyes cut my way. They brimmed with sadness and worry. What I asked of him was wrong. Selfish. And as I looked into his troubled gaze, I released a shaky breath.
“It’s just gonna take a little time,” I whispered.
A ghost of a nod was all the indication he gave. “I know, Hells. Besides, we havea little time, and I got you. When you want your space, I’ll give it to you. When you want me with you, that’s where I’ll be. When you want your freedom, I’ll encourage it. But know this: you won’t ever be alone. On duty or off, you’ll always have me…” He reached across the cab and splayed his warm hand over my racing heart. “...right here.”
“I don’t love you,” I mumbled, smirking because it brought back the old times—the good times.
Avery let out a little scoff of humor. “And I don’t love you, more.”
“Then we’re even.”
“We are.”
For the rest of the journey, our fingers stayed linked. They remained intertwined when he pulled into his driveway and slipped his truck out of gear. He held my focus while the truck glided to a stop and the engine cut out. With the rumble gone and the radio music severed, weighted silence took hold.
“Are you nervous?” he asked softly.
“Shit scared.”
His brows pulled low. “About?”
“Where we go from here.”
“I know where I start…”
“Where?”
After a second of indecision, Avery leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Right there.”
I snagged him and held him close, closing my eyes and welcoming the solace and peace he brought.
He’d seen me at my best, at my most determined and ruthless, and twice now he’d witnessed me at my worst. He didn’t run or try to make light of the experiences that cut me deep. He stayed committed. Tended to me when I needed him the most. For a guy skilled in locking his emotional responses deep, he didn’t try to hide his true feelings from me. Not like we used to when serving as comrades on the Special Reaction Team.
“C’mon, Hells.” Avery lightly double-tapped my thigh, then opened the truck door. “Time to get out. My ass bone is dead.”
“Ayve?”
He ducked his head back into the cab. “Yeah?” Questions swam in his smoky blue depths.