Hallie’s breathing evened out completely, and she relaxed into the bedding again. I moved just enough so she could pull the sheets up to cover her exposed chest, then resumed my vigil.
“You gonna watch me all night?”
I smirked. “If I have to.”
She rolled her eyes and flicked back the sheets on the far side of the bed. “Get the fuck in, Shaun.”
With a chuckle, I clicked off the bedside light, paused on my side of the bed to kick off my pants, then slid between the fine linen.
“Get your ass over here, Hells. But not too close because you’ll give me other ways of making you forget,” I amended when my hand encountered her naked body.
“Any other time I would have demanded it.”
“I know, Hells. And I’ve already told you I’m not here for that.”
Her head shook and she shifted in my arms to look back at me. “It’s not the mission that’s stopping me.”
I lifted my head to look at her despite the darkened room. “What’s changed?”
“Me,” she whispered.
Unable to decipher the root meaning, I let sleeping dogs lie and nestled in behind her. “I know it’s not much, but I’ve got you, Hells.”
A sniff came from under my chin and after a minute, Hallie finally voiced her thoughts. “Thank you for staying.” As if that didn’t hurt my heart enough, her added whisper made it clench. “I’m scared to go back to sleep.”
I hugged her tighter, not daring to let go unless she told me in no uncertain terms to get my hands off.
Until then, this was how I was going to get her through the night.
Chapter Nine
Hallie
The flight back to San Diego passed in a haze filled with dozing on and off and me trying to figuratively run from my demons. It was exhausting to say the least.
Last night, Shaun’s arms held me together, and unusual guilt added to the pile on my soul when I woke in his embrace this morning. It should have been Avery I’d found solace in. Albeit I hadn’t fucked Shaun to dull the pain like I usually would have, but sharing a bed seemed oddly forbidden after promising Avery two exclusive weeks.
I’d changed so much in such a short time that I barely recognized myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore: as a woman oras a solider.
During the flight home, my mind remained in shambles. My yearning for Avery consumed me. Ate me from the inside out. When we finally touched down at the private airport where Nevada’s pickup waited for us, I barely remembered unloading the helo and climbing into the backseat.
I blocked out the journey back to the compound with music blaring so loud it hurt. I’d regret the damage to my acute hearing later—currently I didn’t give a fuck. I needed the escape. Something to consume the monsters that ate their way through my spirit.
With my heart pounding and sweat pebbling across my upper lip, I stayed locked in the heavy metal induced blackout until Nevada slowed at the compound gates.
I waited until she’d pulled up in the parking lot before opening my eyes. Entering the real world again wasn’t what I wanted to do, more so when I saw the compound building.
My gut turned over and the need to flee overrode all sense of responsibility to my team. Keys already in-hand, I snatched my bag out of the pickup bed and rushed to my car, ignoring Lexa calling my name.
“Let her go,” I heard Mac say as I slid into the driver’s seat.
I squeezed my eyes closed and clenched my teeth, willing the emotion to fuck off as I fought to get a grip on it, then started driving.
The compound gates couldn’t open fast enough. I sat panting through each anxiety-ridden breath while they coasted open as if everything were fucking peachy.
As soon as I had clearance, I floored it from the compound and fled down the road. Mile after mile passed in a haze.
I drove, though I didn’t see. I made decisions that were deemed reckless in my need to escape.