I shook my head. “I just met her. I’ve only seen her a handful of times.” And slept with her almost as many times as I’d seen her. I was so drawn to her, I couldn’t help myself.
But with her, it wasn’t about the sex either—even though it wasfucking good. I just wanted to be as close to her as I could. I wanted to be so close, so connected, that I didn’t know where she ended and I began.
It had only been a week. I’d known her for longer, of course. But it had only been a couple of days where I’d really been aware of her. When she’d made me feel alive.
“Thanks for the advice,” I finally said.
“Who are you thanking?” Bas asked. They’d given me opposite advice.
“You,” I said with a laugh, and Lexi looked dejected. But it wasn’t entirely true. I mean, I was looking for trouble. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try talking to Ryan. Because even though I would never have admitted it to Bas, I was in love with Emily.
And it was worth a shot to try and be with her. Emily was worth it all.
13
EMILY
Myheadspun.Iliked Parker. Alot. He was kind and funny and caring, and when I was with him, he made me feel like I was everything. And for a man who literally already had everything, that was saying something.
Besides, the sex was insane. When we were together, everything worked. It was like we’d been together forever. I was as comfortable with him as if we’d been doing this for years.
And at the same time, I didn’t know him at all. The idea of getting to know him—of spending more time together and really learning about each other—was a thrill just as much as the physical side of our relationship was.
But was it a relationship? It couldn’t be.
It had only been a week.
I had to talk to someone about it. I had to figure out what was going on in my head. I knew what Sadie would say—I should go for it. Because Parker was hot and he had money.
But that wasn’t what it was about. Sure, the contract with him had saved my ass this month and that would pull me through. His name would also be great on my portfolio. But that wasn’t why I’d agreed to the date.
It wasn’t why I’d slept with him.
And it wasn’t why I kept wondering what could be between us. Would he want this to go further? I knew I wanted it to.
But Ryan ... God, it was so complicated. Parker was Ryan’s best friend. And Ryan had already been betrayed. When Mom had cheated on Dad, Ryan had almost taken it personally.
To hide something from him now made me the enemy just as much as Mom was.
I didn’t want to do that to him.
I would have to talk to him. But I had to be sure what I felt about my relationship with Parker.
God, there was that word again.Relationship. I couldn’t call it that—not yet. Hell, Parker and I didn’t really know each other at all.
No matter how incredible it felt to be with him.
Sneaking around behind my brother’s back, asking Parker for the job back so I could make money ... it all felt wrong. It was against who I was as a person. But what other choice did I have?
I parked in front of the main house and got out. Mom waited at the front door to the garden cottage and smiled when she saw me. She looked better today, and that was a relief. Sometimes, she looked so down in the dumps about what had happened, and I didn’t know how to help her.
“I baked a cake,” Mom announced after I hugged her and we got the formalities out of the way.
“Really?” It had been years since Mom had baked anything.
“Yeah, it’s nothing special. But I thought it would be a nice addition to our weekly cup of coffee.”
“It sounds glamorous,” I said.