“Jesus Christ, who died in here?” My best friend’s voice jerks me awake, the taste of hard liquor flooding my mouth from the second my senses come alive. My cheek is pressed against something cold.
Something like leather?
I can’t move for a minute, the pounding in my head so brutal that it takes me a moment to gather where I am. I’m on my couch, lying on my stomach. I’m also shirtless and freezing. I peel my eyes open, and the sunlight peeking through the window leaves me dazzled.
Xavier fake gasps. “Would you believe it, he’s alive.”
“What time is it?” I rub my eyes until I regain my sight and flip onto my back. First thing I see is Xavier standing at the edge of my couch, judging me.
“Two in the afternoon,” Xavier replies.
He should be at school right now, meaning he skipped class to come here. I notice a hint of worry on his face as he assesses the dump that used to be my living room. Can’t blame him. There’s trash everywhere—empty takeout boxes, beer cans, and booze bottles spilled all over the carpet. Dad would kill me if he knew what I’ve been doing all week. It’s a good thing he got called away on business.
It had been a while since he’d agreed to leave town. To my surprise, he stuck around after Lexie’s death. He was acting like a concerned father for once. I should’ve known it wouldn’t last.
“Dude, too far,” Xavier comments on the state of my house.
I wish I could argue, but he’s right. I did go too far. I went too far the day I hired a PI to look into Dia’s past. I went too far the day I called Remy because I was a coward who had it bad for his dad’s employee. But mostly, I went too far when I showed up at Dia’s house at seven in the morning and scared her family.
Getting hammered every night is not going to turn back time, but it helps me cope with the guilt. I fucked everything up. Now, I have to learn to live with the consequences.
“Go away.” I use my forearm to shield my eyes from the sun.
“Dude, why haven’t you been at school? Coach is pissed about you missing practice. You’ll be lucky if he lets you play again.” Xavier plops down on the opposite end of the couch.
“I don’t care,” I drawl, and surprisingly, I mean it. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d be more concerned with a girl than my duty to the team. What the hell did you do to me, Gem?
“Any reason you’re playing hooky?”
I sigh. He’s not going to stop hounding me.
“I feel sick,” I improvise.
Xavier lets out a scoff at my excuse. “Yeah, cheating on your girl will do that to you.”
I shouldn’t have told him about the sex tape. I just gave him more ammunition.
“I didn’t cheat,” I correct him.
I also didn’t record the video—hell, I didn’t even consent to be recorded—but I don’t bother telling him that. What difference does it make? He’s going to think I’m an asshole either way.
“Sure you didn’t,” Xavier mutters, and anger builds up in my throat.
“I didn’t fucking cheat,” I snap before rising off the couch and picking an empty beer bottle off the ground. I trail to the kitchen to throw it out, and Xavier follows.
“Then why aren’t you at school? Telling the one person who gives a shit?”
I don’t have an answer for him. I stopped trying to get Dia back after I got chased off the Mitchells’ property. A normal guy would’ve kept going, but I can’t put myself through this again. That shit feels vulnerable. No, it feels embarrassing.
Before Dia, I’d never had to beg anyone. Then she shows up, and suddenly, all I do is beg. I begged her to stay the night we had sex for the first time. I begged her to forgive me for leaving her all alone the next day.
Beg, beg, beg.
I never fucking stop begging.
I’m tired of it. It’s like I don’t even recognize myself sometimes. Every time I see her, the walls I put up go up in smoke, and I’m back to craving her until I’m in physical pain. I hate how much power she has over me. That’s why I’m not at school. That’s why I’ve been avoiding her. As long as I don’t see her, I can convince myself that I still have a sliver of control over my emotions.
“I had my fun with her, but I’m over it,” I lie through my teeth, making my way back to the living room with Xavier on my tail.