It seemed like forever to me, but it couldn’t have been more than five seconds in real time. For all we know, those five seconds would’ve saved you.
But I still said nothing.
I. Said. Nothing.
You saw them shortly after I did, but by then, it was too late. The collision was imminent, and Xavier and I were going to suffer a direct hit.
I remember the girls on the boat screaming when they realized they were going to crash into us. That’s when I heard you yell my name.
Next thing I know, I was submerged in water.
You pushed me out of the way with a strength I didn’t even know you had. It stole my breath, compressed my lungs so hard I thought I was going to suffocate.
Just a few hours prior, we’d gotten into an argument when you insisted that Xavier and I wore life jackets on the deck, even though we weren’t going in the water. I called you annoying. That’s the last thing I said to you.
I thought you were overprotective.
Until the life jacket you forced me to wear saved my life.
Then it all made sense.
At first, I couldn’t hear a thing except for the water gurgling in my ears. A few frat guys had been smart enough to jump out of the party boat before impact, but the others…
The others were drowning.
There was red in the water. People calling for help as they struggled to swim with injuries. But it didn’t feel real until I saw Xavier. He was unconscious, floating a few feet away from me. And the worst part?
There was red around him, too.
Brody’s voice pulled my attention away from Xavier, and I turned to see him in the yacht’s lifeboat, shouting at the top of his lungs to get my attention. The look on his face felt foreign. My older brother, the fearless guy whose courage I once aspired to match, was just as terrified and helpless as I was.
He started rowing with his hands toward me and Xavier. I almost fainted when he helped us onto the lifeboat and I saw the blood pouring from my best friend’s stomach.
Xavier wasn’t moving, a sharp piece of metal plunged into his abdomen. I thought he was dead at first, but he’d just passed out from the pain.
Brody started screaming at something in the distance, and I saw Dad’s head popping out of the water. Dad was shouting your name. Nora, Nora, Nora, he called until his voice broke, and then he inhaled a breath before going back under.
He later told us that your body had gotten thrown into the water and he’d jumped in after you. You were unconscious, and he managed to grab your hand for a second.
But then it slipped.
And he lost you.
He never forgave himself for that.
Dad looked for you until he was so weak he started to sink. To drown. Brody had to forcefully pull him onto the lifeboat. He wouldn’t stop resisting, telling us to let him go. He fought until the very last minute, Mom.
And he would’ve kept going if it weren’t for the rescue teams arriving at the scene.
I remember the coast guard saying you’d most likely died on impact. That you pushed Xavier and me off the boat, and it was over. He said he’d be surprised if your body was found. That Lake Belmont was known for keeping its victims tangled in notoriously thick weeds.
And he was right.
We never found you.
People spent the next year telling me how proud I should be of you. That I should admire your bravery. But you wouldn’t have had to be brave if it weren’t for me begging you to get on that boat.
Your mom was a hero, they said.
But heroes wouldn’t exist without villains.
And I’m so sorry, Mom.
I’m sorry the villain of your story was me…
- Finley