Chapter13
For the second time that week, Jace raised his hand when Nina asked for volunteers at the meeting the next morning. “I’ve met someone,” he said, cutting to the chase. “Someone I really like.”
“That’s wonderful, Jace,” Nina said. “But you seem troubled.”
“I’ve been sober more than six years, so it’s not that it’s too soon. It’s more that I worry I’ll somehow mess up her life the way I did my former wife’s, and this woman has already had more than enough crap to deal with.”
“Why do you think you’d mess up her life?” Mason asked.
“Because that’s what happened the only other time I was seriously involved with someone. I created a nightmare for her and left her to raise our two kids alone.”
“You can’t really compare who you were then with who you are now, Jace,” Quinn said. “You were a drug addict then. You’re in recovery now and have been for years.”
“The damage I did to Lisa went far beyond my issues with drugs.”
“Is it possible,” Mallory said, seeming contemplative, “that you haven’t made peace with her yet, and that’s keeping you from being able to fully commit to a new relationship?”
“I can’t make peace with her. She died.”
“Which leaves you with unfinished business with her that might be holding you back from moving forward with someone new,” Nina said.
Jace considered that. “Yeah. I suppose that’s possible.”
“Do you know where she’s buried?” Jeff asked.
His presence at the meeting had given Jace pause about whether he wanted to bring up his new relationship with Cindy. He’d decided he needed their advice badly enough to risk it. “I do. She’s here on the island.”
“Then maybe you go have a talk with her, tell her what’s in your heart where she’s concerned and clear the air with her,” Jeff suggested. “Short of being able to speak to her in person, that might be the next best thing.”
Surprised by the younger man’s insight, Jace said, “I suppose I could try it. I owe her the biggest apology, but if I’m able to do that—even symbolically—that doesn’t mean I won’t screw up with Cindy, too.”
“My sister Cindy?” Jeff asked, eyes big.
Jace nodded.
“Oh, well…” Jeff said. “You do need to be careful there.”
“I know, and it’s why I’m so worried. I like her a lot, and I think she likes me just as much, and now we’re roommates, too, so the stakes are even higher. I can’t mess up with her. I just can’t.”
For the sake of the others, Jeff said, “I’ve mentioned some of what our family went through with my father.”
While Jeff had talked about their father at meetings, Jace had learned most of the details from Cindy. “Yes, and Cindy has talked to me about it some. She’s sweet and kind and strong, but there’s an underlying fragility to her that she tries to keep hidden,” Jace said, aware of her brother hanging on his every word. “I couldn’t bear to ever hurt her.”
“Then don’t,” Quinn said, blunt as always. “Just don’t. Show up, be there, don’t disappoint her. That’s how you avoid hurting her.”
“You make it sound so simple,” Jace said.
Quinn took his wife’s hand. “It is.” He paused before he continued. “Look, we’ve all been through some shit, or we wouldn’t be here every day talking it out and trying to stay sober. We’ve disappointed people we cared about, we’ve fucked up, we’ve done things we’re not proud of. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do better going forward. It takes effort every day to be worthy of someone’s love, but it’s effort well worth making.”
Mallory stared at him with the start of tears in her eyes.
“What?” he asked, seeming slightly annoyed.
“I’ve never heard you say that much at one time.”
“Yes, you have. I said more than that at our wedding.”
“I guess you did, and PS, Dr. James is very good at showing up every day and being present in our relationship. But it wasn’t always that way for either of us. We had to work at it to get to where we are now.”