“You’re going to fuck up, Zeke,” Jess says softly, and I’m more shocked that she swore than at what she said. “But it will be even worse if you’re so scared of screwing up you don’t try at all. Apologies go a long way, especially with emotional pregnant women. It’s clear how much you two care about each other. You both need to stop being so stupid.”
I choke on her words. “That is the most honest thing I’ve ever heard you say. It looks like I’m not the only one trying out some new things in life.”
She pinches her lips together and shakes her head. “Good luck, Zeke.”
When I can move my ass from the sidewalk, my hands are almost numb, and I’m completely alone. I glance around me for a moment, like the answers will be out here somewhere, then I pull out my phone and shove my earbuds in my ears, making my way back to work.
There’s no way I’m going to be able to open that metaphorical lid on my feelings and spill my guts to Nova. I have no fucking clue what guts I’d spill. My mind spins around ideas to make it up to her—taking this turbo-speed brain and focusing on something useful.
I pull out my phone, and with barely-functioning fingers, I download an audiobook app and head back to the shop. Stay busy, face my feelings.
Relationship books and emotion books cause a visceral reaction to gag or roll my eyes at their sappiness. Finally, I land on a Dad book. From Dude to Dad or some shit that is supposed to demystify pregnancy and women and how Dads can be a part of it all. It’s a little cringy, but Jess said it’s about practice. It feels weird and foreign, but maybe it will get easier with time.
Xan’s words trickle in through the book I’m listening to.Show your weaknesses so they show you theirs. Maybe that, mixed with Jess’s advice, might get me somewhere with Nova because staying quiet and asking her to trust me isn’t getting me anywhere.
Neither is yelling at her about keeping secrets.
I shake the snow off me as I return to the shop. The bell I ripped off still lays silently in the trash, and all the door does is clang shut behind me.
Feelings may be something I don’t practice, but one thing is for sure.
I want her.