CHAPTER25
ZEKE
I’m a vibratingmess by the time I get to the shop. I didn’t bother to shower or brush my teeth or anything. I left the cup of coffee on the edge of the counter, threw on some clothes, and got out of that tropical hell.
I slam through the door, the jingle of the bells reminding me of her. Of the first time, I met her, of the way I made decisions with my dick instead of my head. Back when her mystery and secrets were alluring and sexy.
Now they are making me fucking nuts. I yank the bell so hard the rope snaps, and Gord looks up at me, startled.
“What are you doing here?” I snarl, tossing the bells in the trash with a clang.
He tips his chin to glare at me over his glasses.
“Watch your attitude, boy,” he warns in a smooth voice.
The sound of it kicks my legs out from under me. Gord has always had that ability.
I remember him standing with his arms crossed and his glasses sliding down his nose when I chucked wrenches across the shop as a teenager. The silence in his small car as he drove me home from the police station after I’d been caught trashing the train station with a few buddies.
No matter how hard I pushed, how rude I was, or how wild I acted to get a reaction from him, he always held his cool, just like now. His even, calm presence has been a constant in my life.
“Sorry,” I grumble, grabbing a cup of coffee, the sludge bitter on my tongue. Nova’s would have been a thousand times better.
“You want to tell me about it, or are you going to brood?” he asks without stopping what he’s doing.
I weave around him but pause in the doorway to my office.
“Brood,” I mumble.
Gord sighs. “Why am I surprised?”
His sarcasm is thick, but he has a playful yet irritated smirk. As I close the door, he says, “Change doesn’t happen overnight, Ezekiel. I see you trying. She sees you trying. If you stop being such a bonehead, maybe you’ll see it, too.”
His shadow passes by the glass, and the sound of the bay door lets me know this isn’t the beginning of a heart-to-heart.
This is his smug ass telling me I don’t have to tell him what’s happened because he knows me well enough to figure it out.
I slump in my chair and stare at my desk for over an hour. There’s no way I’m getting anything productive done today. Maybe I’ll go bug Tab at work.
She’ll know what to do.
I ditch my truck and walk there, head down, shoulders hunched against the biting wind. The shops along Main Street are fully decked out for Christmas, and today, there is just not a goddamn thing to be cheerful about.
The real bitch of it all is that I said what I wanted to say. The words that have been driving me deeper and deeper into myself came out of my mouth. This should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever. To act like nothing ever happened. Go back to the way things were.
Fuck sake, we keep getting so close. So close to admitting we care about each other, to putting an end to this tension between us. And then some stupid ass thing gets in the way, like a thermostat.
Maybe we’re just not good for each other.
I notice the person in front of me a split-second before I run them down. She shrieks, and I snap out of my trance, grabbing Jess by the shoulders so she doesn’t fall.
“Jess, I’m so sorry,” I mutter. “Are you alright?”
She takes a big step back and straightens out her coat.
“I’m fine,” she says and then ducks to see my face under my hat. “Are you okay? You look angry.”
“I’m just looking for Tabby.” I shuffle around her. “Need to talk to her.”