“I love that you want to defend me,” I say, stepping closer to him to make sure we’re not seen from the kitchen. He backs into the wall, his breath quickening when I lower my voice. “It’s super hot. But let’s just give it time, okay?”
He eases into a relaxed lean, and my hands flatten on his stomach. I keep them moving and slip them around his back, resting my cheek on his chest. He’s frozen in my hug for a moment before he wraps his arms around my shoulders and sets his chin on the top of my head.
In the kitchen, there’s the sound of banging cupboards. The whistle of a kettle splits my ear, and I nestle closer to Zeke, letting my body feel every place we’re connected. The same comfort I felt that day at his shop washes over me, and it draws me in.
“Okay, I’ll let it go if you want me to,” he finally says.
I tilt my chin to look up at him. The moment I do, my heartbeat speeds at our nearness. He lets out a sigh that sends strands of my hair tickling against my cheek. His mouth is right there; all I have to do is tip just a bit further. His gaze flickers down my face and his lower lip twitches, taunting me.
Just do it, Nova.
Everything in me wants to, and he’s waiting. It’s clear as the noon sky that he’s just waiting for me to decide. Do I, or don’t I?
My phone buzzes in my back pocket, startling me from the moment. It’s Dru, so I tap the green button and look at Zeke. His chest pumps slowly, and his bottom lip is between his teeth.
Sorry, I mouth before turning away.
“Hey, Dru. What’s up?”
I scurry through the kitchen, where Zeke’s mom gives me a disapproving frown. Zeke told me about how much his mom likes his ex-girlfriend, and I’m a reminder that she isn’t part of Zeke’s life anymore. I’m not the good wholesome girl who takes her to church. I’m the hussy that whipped through town and tempted her son. She doesn’t have to say it. I’m from Alabama. I speak this language.
“Hey,” Dru says with shortness in her voice. I stumble down the darkened stairs back to the apartment and take a big, clearing sigh when I’m in my room. “What’s up with you? You sound stressed.”
It’s uncanny how intuitive Dru is to my moods, but I suppose she practically raised me.
“I’m not stressed,” I say, perching on the edge of my bed.
“I talked to Dad,” she responds after a silent moment.
“Okay, now I’m stressed.”
She seems amused, but only surface level. Even through the phone, I can sense her protectiveness—the very thing I just told Zeke to knock off. If anyone is the queen of deciding how I should feel about something, it’s Dru.
“He’s worried about you, and frankly, I am too. You’ve mentioned you’re in Canada, but where, Nova? When are you coming home?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, you don’t seem like you’re having too much fun on your mission to find yourself.” The sarcasm is thick in her voice. She feels the same way Dad does.
“How do you know?” I snap, which silences her on the line. I’m still on edge from meeting Zeke’s mom, and I’m starting to get sick of people telling me what I want and what I like.
“Every time I talk to you, you sound like a little bird lost in a dark forest,” Dru states. “Jesus, Nova, you’ve never left home. You’ve never done anything on your own. Then you up and decide to go on a four-month-long trip around North America by yourself?”
I chew on my thumbnail as she talks because she’s right. This is by far the most out-of-character thing I’ve ever done. But she’s also wrong. I started my vlog on my own. I tackled my MS on my own. I was the one who came up with the idea to save Mom’s label. On my own.
I do things on my own, but I’ve never been alone. They are different.
And the most fucked-up part is, I was always lonely. Never alone. Desperately lonely.
Until I met Zeke.
“Okay, yeah, I’m scared. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.” I hope that works. I hope she buys it’s just travelling on my own that has me spooked.
“Just a second,” she says, and the sounds of the street become louder. She’s obviously walking somewhere. “What the fuck?”
Her voice shifts, and my heart pounds.
“I just got a weird email. It says, ‘I’ll say hi to the baby for you’—”