“Del, this is embarrassing.” I hug her back because I know better, but not before looking around. No one is looking at us except Jess. She quickly looks away when we make eye contact.
“I had no idea, Zeker.” It’s what she used to call me when I was little. “I had no idea how much that affected you.”
I pat her head, comforting her when I’m the one who’s upset. I sigh and resign myself to it. “It’s okay, Del.”
She shakes her head. “It’s not okay. You were always such a carefree kid. Ready to sacrifice yourself to be the butt of the joke. I guess I just assumed you didn’t mind. We all assumed you knew we were just playing into your skit. But Xan is right. I’d never have gotten through half of it without you. I need you. We all do.”
Del grabs my face, squishing my cheeks, but I shake her loose. It’s too much—all I ever wanted was for them to notice me. The real me. And now they do. They’re all sitting here staring at the pain that only Tabby ever knew existed. And the discomfort that floods my body is overwhelming. I want to make a joke. I want to say something stupid to make them smile—to make them laugh instead of looking at me like I’m an abandoned puppy.
I need to shift all this and even it out before it crushes me under its weight, so I lean toward the phone, still face up on the table. “Tabitha, are you crying?” I say with a suspicious tone.
“Nooooo,” she wails, sniffing so loudly it’s audible over the music in the bar.
Del does that makeup-cry thing where she wipes the tears just under her eyes with her pointer fingers and her mouth hanging open. Pris blinks faster than usual. Xan is shiny-eyed, and Jet is as stoic as a warrior—his love comes out in angry affection. He’s glaring at me, so I focus on him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that man cry.
“I miss you fucking idiots so much.” Tabby snuffs again.
“We love you too,” Del says. “Talk to you later, okay?”
“Zeke,” Tabby calls and I swipe the phone putting it to my ear.
“What’s up?”
“You two were made for each other. Don’t fight your forever, okay? Jump in. It’s what you’re great at.”
I smile with half my mouth. “Okay, Tabs. Two feet.”
“Both feet. Love you.”
“Love you.” I hang up, and I’m hit with a massive wave of exhaustion.
“Okay, you guys have sufficiently embarrassed the shit out of me for one day. Can I go home now?”
Del punches my arm, and I catch her wrist, standing and twisting her around in a playful wrestling pin. She gets out quickly, and Pris rolls her eyes. Jet throws a balled-up napkin at Del, who glares and points to the floor for him to pick it up.
This is better. This is us.
“What do you need us to do?” Xan asks, leaning forward. “What’s your plan?”
I reiterate what Nova and I decided and what their risks might be.
“Don’t worry about us,” Jet says, a dumb grin on his face. “I’ll set Cade loose if I have to.”
“God help us all.” I take a small sip of my beer, and there’s a round of laughter. The mood lightens, and I’m able to breathe again.
A tap on my shoulder startles me, and I turn to see Jess.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” she asks, barely loud enough to hear. Her face burns red, and I see there are tears in her eyes. All my siblings are staring at her, making me uncomfortable on her behalf.
She was never really able to handle my family, besides Mom.
I stand and gesture to the door. “Sure.”
Once we’re outside, Jess wrings her hands in the front of her dress and kicks at a small pile of snow on the sidewalk.
“Zeke, I think I made a mistake,” she says, and my heart plummets. The air is icy from my breath. I hang my head in exhaustion for a moment, then meet her eyes.
“What kind of mistake?” My shoulders shiver in the cold, but the setting sun provides a tiny sliver of warmth as I wait for her to continue.