CHAPTER38
ZEKE
Energy builds inside me,and I need to direct it somewhere. I pour it into her, ready to admit anything she wants me to. Prepared to do anything she asks me to. Even if that thing is to step back. She’s right. This back and forth, all or nothing thing I’ve been doing isn’t working. It’s exhausting and overwhelming. I need to shift from an on/off switch to some sort of dimmer switch. I don’t have a fucking clue how to do that, but I want to learn.
Nova stares up at me with innocence in her eyes and a half-surprised pout on her swollen lips at my admission. It’s true. I need her. I needed her before I even met her. Her chest heaves with each breath, and she lunges at me without any words.
She kisses me back with the same intensity, and suddenly, she’s moving me backward toward the bedroom. I get my answer when my calves hit the edge of the bed and I’m forced back, thumping on the mattress. She crawls up over me, straddling my hips, leaning down to kiss me again.
“We still need to talk about this,” she says, splaying her fingers out on my chest. Her lips pull into a smile, which I love about her. The way she understands how I process, what I need, that it’s not serious things I hate it’s being serious. It’s not words that I’m scared of. It’s stillness.
“Then let’s talk,” I say, pushing my palms up her thighs until my thumb grazes her centre.
She pulls her shirt over her head, her tits spilling out of her bra. My hands go to her all on their own. I sit up and trail my fingertips along her back until I reach the little clasps. I make easy work of them, taking my time pulling the straps down her shoulders.
“What do you want to talk about?” I ask, kissing down her neck to her collarbone. She closes her eyes and tips her head to the side as I continue to expose her.
“Why you avoid your real feelings and don’t trust anyone to know you,” she mumbles, moaning as I roll her nipple between my fingers.
Her hips rock against me, putting pressure on my cock.
“Because I’m broken,” I say, dragging my fingertips down her back. She grabs my shoulders and slams me back down on the bed with a stern pout.
“You’re not broken,” she huffs.
“I feel broken.”
She looks at me as if she’s about to scold me, as if I just said something offensive.
“You were hurt, Ezekiel,” she says, and my full name on her tongue is disorienting. “The chaos of your childhood is enough to make anyone turn in on themselves. But you’re safe now.”
She touches my face, and it’s nurturing, but her deep glare is challenging. I slowly sit back up until we’re nose to nose.
“You’re not broken. You’re protecting yourself, but I don’t want you to protect yourself from me. What you were in the shower. I want that. I want more of that.”
My heart races at her words because I want that too, but I don’t know how to sustain it. It’s too much all at once.
“I don’t know how to control it,” I say and realize the truth in one phrase like ice water thrown in my face.
She takes my hands and puts them back on her. “So don’t control it. I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”
Her voice dips to this sultry hum, and I try to get my thoughts to settle. Touching her helps. The softness of her skin under my palms urges me forward to explore more.
I lean forward to pull her nipple into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue, and then I’m struck with the thought of the baby. Of her tits and why they’re swelling. What they’ll be used for in mere months.
The realization sends a hiccup of reality through me, and I sit back, shaking the thought. Nova brings me back to her by stripping my shirt from my body. By grinding down on my dick, stimulating herself through layers.
In minutes, there’ll be nothing between us. Me buried as deep in her as I can get.
I run my hand over her belly, and a wave of nausea overcomes me as intrusive thoughts bombard me. I flop back on the bed and throw my hands over my face with a loud growl. My entire body shuts down in an instant, and I’m left with nothing—a shriveled-up dick and the feeling that I’m going to puke. I hate feeling things.
Nova grabs the waist of my jeans, unbuttoning them, and I grab her wrists.
“Whoa,” I say, and she freezes. “Just give me a minute.”
“Are you okay?”
“I was just thinking about my dick in you. Then I realized there’s a baby in there.”