Wait, what? He gave her gifts? When did I miss that? I heard no mention of gifts when we were downstairs. That fucker must have sent her flowers or something. Good for him. I wasn’t the wine and dine type of man. Nope. A rough fucker like me didn’t have to buy a woman’s affection. However, I wasn’t opposed to putting a smile on my lady’s face, but that didn’t mean plying her with trinkets. I was more into finding something with meaning and presenting that to my lady. It meant more in the long run. Just as I was thinking about something I could present her with, Obsession leaned forward and planted a chaste kiss on Matrix’s mouth. Mother fucker!
“Good night, Meydad.”
She smiled up at him, and his stupid ass melted into the carpet. Then she turned those beautiful browns on me, and it felt like I was suffocating. It was like she sucked all of the air out of the room. I leaned forward and kissed her. It was just the opposite of what she was expecting. I pulled her close to me, kissed the shit out of her and pulled away, leaving her wanting more.
“Good night, Obsession. I’ll see you soon. Sweet dreams.”
Then I walked off, pulling Matrix along with me to make sure he didn’t try anything else with her.
***
THE NEXT DAY I BEGANplotting to fuck with Matrix. All day he was talking shit about his upcoming date with Obsession. It got so bad that I wanted to hit him. Instead of hitting my best friend, I came up with a prank to end all pranks. That fucker, Matrix, was going to be mad as fuck, but this was going to be funny.
So I did a little recon and found a bottle of cologne that was identical to the one Matrix uses. Knowing my friend like I do, I knew he would never go on a date without dousing himself in the stuff. It was his thing. He loved this one scent in particular and always wore it when he went out. It was what he called his signature scent. I paid a contact to create an identical bottle of the stuff with one extra special ingredient – catnip.
My contact informed me that it was highly unlikely that Matrix would smell it because it smelled like dried grass to humans. Whereas cats could detect it with no problem, and they would come running. That is where the fun began. Matrix was deathly afraid of cats. Something about them stealing your soul. It was the ideal setup.
The plan was perfect. We had a meeting with Ace earlier this afternoon where I insisted Matrix needed to hunt down one of the club enemies who had been causing some trouble. Truthfully, it could wait, but it was the best way to scheme my way into his house without raising any red flags. Matrix was known for his security cameras, so there was no other way for me to get into his house without him knowing. He always worked at home, and I being the great guy I was, volunteered to help him. While he was busy working on his computer, I excused myself, stating I needed to use the bathroom, where I know there were no cameras. He kept his toiletries on the counter, so it was easy to replace his cologne with the catnip bottle. At that point it was set. I worked with him until Ace texted that he needed me back at the clubhouse. It was the perfect out.
At seven o’clock on the dot, Matrix and Obsession headed out of the lobby of the clubhouse. The way she smiled and giggled as he reached to hold her hand made my head hurt. I watched from the wings as they pulled off. I knew where they were going, so I took a short cut and beat them to the park. What Matrix didn’t know was, I had gone out to his favorite spot in the park and fed a few of the feral cats from the neighborhood. Once you feed cats, it is hard to get rid of them. They tended to hang around the area looking for more scraps. It was like they had a hotline to the other cats in the area. It started out wit two, but by the time I was finished opening the bag of food, I was surrounded by felines. I couldn’t help but be excited. This was going to be my most epic prank of all time.
I lay in wait as Matrix played the gentleman. After escorting Obsession to the area he wanted, he shook out the blanket and assisted her in sitting down. Then he set out all the food and drinks for her. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I am sure it was some romantic bullshit. To ensure my prank worked, I added a little cloth bag of catnip inside the picnic basket and sprinkled some on the blanket he was using. When he shook out the cover, he unknowingly spread the substance in the grass around them. It was all I could do to contain myself.
About five minutes into them sitting there enjoying their date, I saw the first cat start its journey over to get her reward of nip. The gray tabby trotted over to the blanket and started rubbing its head on Matrix’s leg. The man was not happy. He jumped up like his leg was on fire. Pretty soon a second and then a third cat join the fun. By the time the fourth and fifth cat made their way to the blanket, Matrix was in full panic mode. The cats were circling his legs as he hopped and ran from them. There was no getting away from those little menaces. I was laughing my ass off as Matrix took off into a full ‘Tom Cruise’ run.
I tried to maintain my composure as the man jumped on the hood of his car to get away from the little creatures who were just trying to be his friends. It was the most difficult thing I had ever done. He looked like a complete idiot running from those cute little kitties, and I got it all on video. In fact, I was live streaming the ordeal on my Facebook™ account. Of course, I was serving as the narrator, making sure to describe everything that was happening in my best Animal Planet™ imitation.
“Help! Get these things off me. Somebody help!”
Matrix hopped up and down on the hood of his precious Cuda while screaming like a little girl who was afraid of spiders. When he tore off his pants and tossed them to distract the cats enough to allow him to jump into the car, I howled. Falling on my side, I was no longer in the shelter of the tree I had been hiding behind. Our eyes connected, and he scowled at me. When Obsession picked up his pants and made her way to the passenger side of the car, I about pissed my pants.
This was the best prank ever! Matrix’s face was as red as a fire extinguisher. It was the most satisfying thing I had done in a long time. Pleased with myself for ruining the date, I made my way back to my Harley and sped back to the clubhouse to have some drinks with the guys and laugh some more at the expense of my friend.
I was on my second beer when the door flew open with Matrix barging in. The entire place erupted in laughter with members joking and clowning the VP. Much to his dismay, the entire episode of Catnip played out on a loop on the projection screen in the bar. When Matrix growled in anger, the members really let loose.
“Here pussy, pussy!” Somebody called out.
Someone else shouted, “Yo, VP, did you get some pussy on your date?”
That was the straw that broke the cat’s back. I saw it in his eyes when he snapped. The fool charged at me full force. Before I had time to react, his meaty fist had connected with my eye. That was going to leave a mark. I thought about letting it go. Give him that one because I deserved it, but he continued to swing at me. My instincts kicked in, and before I knew it, we were tearing the place up. Before things got too out of hand there was a loud growl, and then I heard Ace’s voice vibrate through my bones.
“Enough! I swear to God, if you don’t stop this shit right now, I will shoot the both of you in your dicks!”
That was the right thing to get our attention. When I looked up from the floor that we were scrapping on, all I could see was a black hole where the prez’s eyes usually were. Fuck! We had broken one of the cardinal rules of the club. Here we were, Vice President and Sgt. At Arms setting the worst examples ever.
“What the fuck is going on?”
We both had managed to right ourselves by then, but neither of us wanted to answer the question. Knowing there was no excuse for our behavior, it was a moot point. Ace wasn’t going to accept anything we had to say.
“One of you fuckers better start talking, and I mean now!”
His steely gaze burned a hole through us. Fuck! I had only seen him this mad once before, and that was when his woman’s life had been in danger. Matrix and I would be lucky if we were still wearing our colors after tonight. We both blurted out what happened until he held his hand up.
“Matrix, Baby, and Obsession in my office NOW!”
He turned and stomped his way into his office. Matrix and I tucked our tails and followed him in there like two lost little puppies who were caught peeing on their master’s favorite pair of slippers. Every bit of anger I had for Matrix was gone at that point. I looked at my friend, and I could tell he felt the same way. After we closed the door to our future, we stood ready to receive our tongue lashing. Obsession was looking like the cat who ate the canary. If she knew him like I did, she would wipe that smirk off her face before Ace saw it.
“Since neither of you seem to have any good sense in your head tonight, I think it’s time for me to intervene. It is evident what is going on. You two have been acting a damn fool over Obsession for far too long. You don’t have to confirm or deny. I’ve got eyes. I’m telling you right now, solve this shit. I can’t have my number one and two going at it like gladiators over some pussy. No offense, Obsession. You need to decide tonight, which one of you gets to date this woman and stop acting like idiots. How you decide is up to you, but when I wake up tomorrow morning, I expect this shit to be resolved. Do I make myself clear?”
The three of us nodded our heads, afraid to answer out loud. When I took a peek at Obsession, she had a grim look on her face. She was finally understanding how much shit we were in.
“I expect the three of you in my office at 9AM to plead your case. I need your mutually agreed upon decision and your promises that there will be no hard feelings from the one who loses. Once I have that, then I will dish out your punishments. Obsession, you will be absolved from punishment. I never saw you throw any blows, but these knuckleheads know better. You were in an all-out brawl in the middle of my clubhouse! What the fuck do you think you were doing? I have half a mind to strip you of your patches right now! Get out of my face before I do just that.”