I moved to the ground and lay on my side because my ass was too sore. It was hot and inflamed from the bite of the leather. I pulled my arms to my chest and let the tears continue to streak to the floor. I wasn’t crying because the worst was over, but I was trying to manage the pain in my silence. That cream Calloway had would probably help. “Get me that cream you used last time…”
Calloway did as I asked and dashed out of the room. He was only gone for thirty seconds before he returned to the room with the jar. He placed it on the ground then stepped back again, being careful not to touch me or come too close to me.
“You can touch me, Calloway.”
He stared down at me, remorse obvious in his eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Yes…”
He kneeled beside me and rubbed the cream into my bright red skin. He was as gentle as he could be, showing none of the aggression he possessed just an instant ago. He applied his fingertips to the damaged areas with a tenderness I’d never seen before.
I lay there on the hardwood floor, still naked and now a little cold.
He placed the cap back on the jar then carried me from the playroom into the bedroom. He got me under the sheets and tucked me in like it was time to go to sleep. It was only six thirty, and we hadn’t even had dinner yet. “I’m gonna make some dinner. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.” He moved his hand through my hair, his eyes no longer hot with unfulfilled desire. Now he looked at me just the way he did when he told me he loved me, with beautiful sensitivity. He kissed me on the forehead before he left.
Calloway set the bed tray in front of me, pot roast with a side salad. He gave me a tiny portion because he knew I wouldn’t have much of an appetite. There was a glass of ice water and wine as well.
He sat at the edge of the bed and stared at me.
I sat up and looked at the food. “It looks good…” I wasn’t hungry because I was in too much pain. The cream helped, but only time would heal the abrasions on my skin. “Are you going to eat too?”
“Not hungry.”
I ate just to be polite, appreciating the gesture he’d made. He turned into an animal when he had me as his sub, but once the moment was over, he was a man again.
Calloway stared at his hands, moving his palms across one another before he faced me once more. “Are you going to leave me?” His voice remained steady, but he couldn’t stop the fear from entering his eyes.
I lowered the fork, stunned by the question. “No, Calloway. Never.”
He took a deep breath and stared at his hands again, the relief obvious in the way his shoulders relaxed. His square jaw stiffened too. “I’m sorry…for hurting you.”
“It’s okay.” It was hard to understand how he truly meant those words. After all, he got off on hurting women. Maybe there were different levels, and our experience was too extreme. “I hope I didn’t disappoint you.”
“Never.” His hand reached for mine on the bed. “As long as you try, that’s good enough for me.” He brought my hand to his lips and placed a kiss over my knuckles. “Thank you for using the safe word. I only wished you used it sooner.”
“Thought I could handle it…”
“It’s something we have to learn together, your hard limits.”
“Yeah…”
He pulled his hand away so I could keep eating. “Is there anything I can get for you?”
“No, I’m okay.”
He stared at the ground again, remaining silent as I finished my dinner. His thoughts were a mystery, but his mood was obvious. He was angry, but I knew he wasn’t angry with me. He probably hated himself for taking me so far when I was still a beginner.
“Calloway?”
“Hmm?” He wouldn’t look at me, focused on his mood.
“It’s really okay.”
He shook his head, his jaw clenched. “I enjoy hurting you. I love listening to you cry. My cock has never been harder as it was in there. That makes me a sick son of a bitch, and I know that. The second you said the safe word and I knew you were really in pain…I felt lower than I ever have. I didn’t feel any pleasure. I just hated myself.”
I hadn’t finished my food, but I decided I would eat it later. The conversation seemed too heavy for dinner.
“Rome, I wish I were different. I wish I could be a normal guy. I wish I didn’t need this…”
“I know.” I believed his sincerity with all my heart.
“I’ve never cared about pushing the others until their breaking points. I’ve never cared about their well-being. But I love you…and it hurts when I hurt you. I can’t explain it. I love hurting you as a Dom, but I hate myself for it later.”