Over the next few hours, and with the help of Luce, I manage to get Kathryn set up with a program just over the state border in Wyoming. It’ll be her home for the next three months. If she can focus on herself for a chunk of time before she folds the stresses of her life back into it, then maybe she’ll feel better equipped to battle this.
I also make a few additional calls, one to her ex-husband again to let him know what’s going on, specifically for Benny’s sake, and then another call to Jin. My brother offered to pay for her treatment. I don’t want his money involved in this and I demand that he sign the coffee shop and property that it’s on over to her. To my surprise, he does, without me offering to buy it from him or a fight. Kathryn is going to need a job and to keep busy when she’s back. Losing the shop is not an option and well, he got her into the mindset of owning the place, but I don’t want him holding any claim over her.
Around six, I realize we’ve gone all day without eating, but my stomach sinks when I think about how I’m finally going to respond to Everly. There’s so much baggage I’m bringing to the table right now. So much that I need to focus on and adjust my life for.
How could a single day change so much? We just talked about keeping this thing going between us, but I don’t know that I have the capacity to keep this part of my life moving and start a relationship with her. I don’t do relationships anyway, and this is a good reason not to start now. I could never equally split my time so that someone wouldn’t be neglected. I can’t allow that to be Benny. I type out a text that I already know is a mistake, but I can’t think or do anything else right now. I’m drained.
Jack:Kathryn was in trouble and is going through some heavy stuff. I need to focus on her and Benny for the foreseeable future. I’m sorry.
It all feels like too much. When things get complicated, that's when it’s time for me to step away. I don’t like leaving things so unsettled, but I need to focus my attention on the people who need me. Right now, that’s Benny and Kathryn. I’ve already let them down. I wasn’t there or aware, and it was almost too late. I’m not going to feel that way again and be the reason my nephew is left to figure this out. I never want him to be left to pick up the pieces like I was as a kid.
Everly:You’re telling me this in a text?
Everly:Fucking coward. After all that we’ve said to each other? I’m not going to chase you. If you want to talk to me, you know where I’ll be.
She’s right. I am. I’m too afraid to pull any energy away from the family that needs me. Too afraid to show her exactly how I’ve failed my sister, and too proud to admit that I’m hurt by any kind of relationship she’s had with my brother. But most of all, I’m terrified of what I’d be asking of her if I were to pull her even further into my life. It’s less collateral damage to leave us as a happy memory. I can’t handle failing her too.