Jack
“What do you mean,you don’t know?! How could you not know you have a problem, Kathryn? When you’re making up lies and leaving your son home alone for days,thatshould have been the first clue.” I’m seething as my sister tries to talk me out of why picking her up at a local bar so drunk she couldn't stand isn’t her fault.
“Jack, I’m saying I don’t know what to do. I know I have a problem. I’ve tried fixing it for years. Years! I never thought I’d end up like this. With my brother staring at me like I’m a fucking disappointment. And my son…” She gestures to my nephew across the room, crying as he watches us lash into one another. “My son is crying because of me. Do you know the level of failure I feel right now? No, you don’t, because you’re not a father. You have no idea what my life is like, so don’t stand there judging me right now.”
I drag my hands down my face. I’ve pulled my hair so hard, I’m surprised I don’t have bald spots. I’m so angry, but I know that it’s not helping right now. I’m not even sure if I’m madder at her or myself for not seeing this.
A text comes in from Everly.
Everly:Is everything okay? I saw you leaving with the sheriff.
“What are you, texting your girlfriend right in the middle of this?” she yells. “Whatisit about that woman? She has you and Jin by the balls, and you’re both too stupid to see it.”
I can’t deal with any of that right now either. My mind is so focused on my sister, I can’t even unpack the idea that she was with Jin at some point and where that leaves us. Jin, that fucking piece of shit, is a constant thorn in my side. Even now, I bet he has something to do with Kathryn flying off the handle.
“Everly doesn’t have anything to do with this, Kathryn. We’re talking about you.”
“No, we’re talking about my life and that woman is fucking herself into the middle of it, with two of the most important…You don’t even see it! I fucking saw them together; he was fawning all over her.” I’m not interested in who she wants to blame or change the subject on, but I know that’s what she’s trying to do. Part of me also is clawing at the idea that the woman I’ve fallen for has or had a relationship with my fucking stepbrother.
“Enough! Kathryn, enough!”
“I need help, Jack. I thought coming here was going to fix all this for me, but it’s just made everything worse. I can’t control my emotions. One thing triggers me, then I’m drinking. I’m so tired of being in this spot. Hating myself. Feeling guilty and then just pretending like it didn't happen. I’m exhausted.”
My sister, when sober, is smart and articulate, but her drunk last night was an entirely different person. One I didn't recognize. Aside from slurring and barely standing, she was belligerent. We’ve been talking in circles for hours now, the sun having made its appearance hours ago. Nobody slept, just cried and yelled.
“Mom, we can check you into a program. Maybe start you on a better course,” Benny’s voice chimes in.
Kathryn starts crying harder. “What kind of failure of a parent am I that my son has to say those words to me? Jesus, I’m such a piece of shit. I’m so sorry, baby. You don’t deserve any of this.” She looks up at me through tears, and I feel like a kid all over again. “Just like Mom, huh, Jack?”
I move to wrap my arms around her, but Benny moves faster. I hang back to give them a moment. And instead, I say, “You’re nothing like her. Don’t ever put yourself in that category, Kathryn.” How could she think that? She’s not her. “Let me call around and see what programs there might be. What do you think about taking some real time off, just you, working with people that can give you tools that’ll support you in making better choices.” It’s not a fix, but a start.
Her bloodshot eyes find mine above Benny’s shoulders. Before she can say anything, I decide that there is nothing more important right now than making sure these two are cared for. A job that I’ve grossly let fall so far away that my sister is about to check into rehab, leaving my nephew virtually parent-less in the meantime.
“I’m going to stay here for a while with Benny. I’ll make sure he gets through until the end of school and stays active with climbing.” All of my businesses and responsibilities that need to be tended to in New York can be done remotely from here, and anything that can’t be, Luce can fill in during my absence.
Kathryn nods yes over Benny’s shoulder as tears continue to spill down her cheeks. “God, what about the shop?”
“The shop will be fine. We’ll keep it running, but I’m going to put up some help signs.” I’m not sure if I should mention this or not, but while everything is on the table right now, what other harm could it do?
I shift my weight and take a breath for what I’m going to say next. I need to pay attention or at least find some inkling as to how Jin could have set all of this chaos in motion.
“Jin came with me when the sheriff told me where you were. He left before you saw him. I didn’t want him upsetting you any more. I know it had something to do with him. Always does. Why is he here, Kat?” She looks up at me.
Instead of answering, she directs her attention to Benny. “Benny, sweetheart, can you get me some aspirin and my fuzzy socks out of my top drawer?”
Once he leaves to grab her requests, she shifts uncomfortably. I already know just by her body language that what I assumed is right. It was him that caused her to tailspin into last night’s bender. For the life of me, I don’t understand why. They’ve always been more of a support for each other than anything. She knows better than to bring him up with me, but I didn’t think he’d cause her any harm. Not like this.
“What did he do?” I ask and shift forward in my chair, leaning closer to her. I’m not sure I want to know, but if he hurt her, then I’m going to make it right.
“It’s not something he did to me. It was me. A reaction. I saw him with Everly Riggs at lunch two days ago, and it just looked like more than friends or colleagues to me.” I continue to stare at her. My anger is surfacing because the idea of Everly spending time with Jin after she and I have been together is already making my thoughts drift. “Why? I know it’s not on my behalf that you’d be upset about that. Everly and I just started seeing each other. It’s still new. So what is it about Jin, Kathryn?”
“You’re seeing her? What does that mean?” She huffs and mumbles to herself. “No, you know what. I’m not surprised. You two fight over everything. Why not another woman. Fucking typical.”
I don’t miss what she says:another. He and I have been fighting over my sister’s attention for years. “Don’t change the subject. Why would seeing Jin with Everly fuck with you so much that you flew off the handle? And don’t even think about lying to me right now.”
She sits still and doesn’t respond. We remain like that, in silence, for at least five minutes. I know Benny is taking far longer to get her aspirin and socks, but the kid is smart, and he knows we need to hash things out without him being witness to it. She’s so stubborn, or maybe she’s just choosing not to lie to me.
When she refuses to even look up from her hands that are picking away at her nail polish, I decide to fill the quiet. “We have a lot to talk about, so I don’t know why you’re choosing to say nothing. Like, why is Jin backing the coffee shop? I could have done that for you. You only needed to ask. Financially, you don’t need to worry about anything. You know that. But why ask him? Why haven’t you mentioned to me that he was even living here, in Strutt’s Peak?” I know she’s not going to answer me, and I’m getting madder by the minute. “What is it about our brother, Kat, that’s gotten us to this moment?” At that, Benny comes back into the room, obviously overhearing some of it, and shoots me a glare to stop.