That’s why he pushed me away.
The realization shudders through me. Marcus didn’t want me to see this.
All the heartache from the last two months fades away as a more profound ache takes root inside of me. It leaves a devastating path of regret and grief.
All the time we’ve wasted that we could’ve had together.
I lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. Feeling how cold they are beneath mine makes fear bleed through my soul.
I have to be brave for Marcus. No matter how hard it will be.
I pull back and whisper, “You know I hate surprises.”
My words make him smile, and I make a silent promise to make him laugh as much as possible.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” he whispers. “I have something to tell you, but before I do, you need to know that I love you. I don’t want you to pity me.”
A sob escapes my lips. I don’t want to hear the words out loud.
Don’t say it.
Please.
“My heart is dying.”
I close my eyes so he won’t see my pain. It rips through me with cruel claws and merciless blows.
Please let this be a bad dream.
“They missed fragments when they removed the bullet,” he whispers. I lean closer so I can hear him. “It’s embedded in my heart, and because of the lead poisoning my heart is too weak to survive an operation.”
Raw pain swallows me whole.
“Have you seen other doctors?” I whisper.
“I have. I’m dying, Willow.”
The ache is so intense that I struggle to breathe past it. I frame his face with my hands and lean closer.
Be strong, Willow.
Be strong for the man you love.
“I’m here now. I love you, and I’m not leaving your side, even if you become an ass again.”
“When I do become an ass, please remember that I love you. I fucking love you with every beat of my heart.”
I bury my face in his neck and cry for the unfairness of it all.
Chapter 13
MARCUS
I regret telling Willow. I love having her here, but I hate seeing the heartache in her eyes.
I listen to her deep breaths as she sleeps, lying with her ear pressed to my heart. How’s it possible that I love her so much when I haven’t even kissed her properly?
Why is life so cruel? I finally find a woman I love, but I can’t have a future with her. I’ll never get to make love to her.