He must sense my uneasiness because he reaches for the remote and turns off the TV.
I swallow hard as I look at him. I didn’t expect everything to fall right back into place, but my nerves can only take so much.
The corner of his mouth twitches which makes mine spread into a smile. When a sad look crosses his features, my smile dies a quick death.
“There’s a reason I don’t date,” he says, and the words make goosebumps spread over my arms. Not the good kind.
This is the part where he tells me once more that he can only offer me friendship. I close my eyes as I wait for the blow.
“Remember I told you my father shot me?”
My eyes pop open, and I frown. That’s not what I expected him to say. Marcus never talks about his past. When our friendship started, I tried to get him to open up to me, but I gave up when he made it clear that talking about our pasts were off limits.
“I remember,” I whisper, hoping that he’ll finally open up to me.
“I was ten.”
I want to reach out to him, but he gets up and walks to the kitchen. I’m not sure if I should follow. I glance over my shoulder and watch as he pours a glass of water. I can’t be sure, but it looks like he’s taking some Tylenol.
He comes back and sits down, but this time he turns his body towards me. When he lifts his eyes to mine, and I see all the sorrow, nothing can stop me from reaching for him. I take hold of his hand and squeeze it tightly.
“My father killed my mother and little sister. When I woke up the next day the life I knew was gone. Everything I loved ended overnight.”
The impact of his words slams so hard that I can’t even suck in a breath of air. I can’t imagine what he’s been through. I come from a loving home. The kind of horror he lived through… it’s unthinkable.
“Letting someone in means, I have to open myself up to losing another person.” He clears his throat which gives the words time to sink in.
“Oh, my God,” I gasp when I realize what I did to him. “Just as you let me in, I left you.”
My body moves before my mind can recover from the awful realization. I throw my arms around his neck and plaster myself against him.
“I’m so sorry, Marcus. I never would’ve left if I knew that. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Now I understand why Marcus kept everyone at a distance. Knowing the pain and fear he’s been living with, makes my heart break for the man I love.
I pull back and bring my hands to his jaw.
“I promise I will never leave you again. It’s okay if we can only be friends.”
Marcus just looks at me for a few seconds, then an awkward look settles on his face. I’ve never seen that look before.
I let go of him, not wanting to make him feel more uncomfortable than he already does.
“It’s going to take time. Let’s take things slow,” he clears his throat before he continues, “Really slow. I need to get used to the idea of dating.”
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Wanting to put him at ease, I joke, “I don’t expect us to jump into bed today.”
Marcus lets out a burst of laughter. “That’s the only part I’m really good at.”
I shove his shoulder playfully. “You’re such a pervert.” I pull a face. “I suck at it.”
Marcus tries to keep a straight face, but when I realize what I just said, I burst out laughing.
“I don’t mean I suck at it. I meant I’m not experienced in the bedroom department.” Feeling a blush creep up my neck, I quickly change the subject. “Let’s start off as friends. We can catch up on each other’s lives and take it from there. I don’t want to force it.”
“That sounds good,” he says, sounding relieved.