“Sorry,” I mumble. “No. No, Anton, uh, he didn’t show up tonight. I was just—I just needed to talk to a friend.”
“Oh. Gotcha.”
I could swear he sounds bitter. I push down the guilt. He’ll never understand why I would agree to the contract with Anton. Plus, he’ll try giving me solutions I don’t want to take. Lord knows I’ve spent enough time thinking about ways out of this nightmare.
Right now, I’m not interested in advice. I just need someone to offer me space to breathe. A shoulder to lean on.
“If you’re busy, I can—”
“I told you, Jess: I’m never too busy for you.”
The guilt twists in my chest like a knife. I change the subject as quickly as I can. “Did I tell you that Salma contacted me recently?”
“You didn’t.”
“Oh, I must have told Freya then.”
There’s a loaded pause. “Seeing a lot of her, are you?”
“Can you please try and get along with her? She’s really great, actually. And she’s been helping me through all this just as much as you have.”
“You barely know her.”
“Seriously, Chris,” I sigh. “We’re not in high school anymore.”
“You think this is, like, a clique thing? I’m jealous of the cool new girl?”
“No, of course not. I just think that sometimes, you can be a little… possessive about our friendship.”
“Jesus Christ, we’re not in high school anymore, Jessa,” he says, throwing my own words back in my face in a cruel, mocking tone I’ve never heard from him before. “This is not about resenting the fact that you’ve invited another person into our circle. For God’s sake, give me more credit than that.” He sighs and eases up. “I just don’t like that she was giving you bad advice that put you in harm’s way. Like telling you to keep that damn phone with you.”
“She changed her mind about that.”
“Is that why you decided to return it, then?”
“Ouch. How about you give me more credit than that, Chris?”
“Sometimes, I forget how long we didn’t talk for,” he whispers in a sad voice. “I figured once Dane was gone, we would pick right up where we left off. But maybe it isn’t as easy as that.”
“What are you—I think we’re fine. Things aren’t different!”
“Feels like we’re on different pages, J. Maybe even different books.”
“Well, we’re different people. That’s normal. It’s okay.”
“It didn’t used to be like this,” he reminds me. “Before Dane, things were so much simpler.”
I exhale. “Okay. I can’t deny that.”
“You’re so much better off without him, you know?”
“Oh, you don’t have to tell me that. I know.”
“I just…” Chris clicks his tongue a few times. It’s one of his nervous tics. “I just don’t want you replacing one bad guy with another.”
I fall silent. “I… I didn’t ask for this, you know,” I remind him, because it’s all I can say right now without outright lying to him. “It just… happened to me.”
“True, but your choices after the fact are on you, Jessa. I don’t want you to… shit, never mind.”