“Okay, I’ll bite. What would you do in my position?” I ask. “What would you do about Rodion?”
“Well, first of all, I would have made sure his daughter was happy,” he says. “And I would have gotten his Bratva under my control before I offed the wife.” He freezes for a moment, realizing what he’s just said. “I mean… not that you—”
“Shut up,” I growl. “Just go.”
He gives me an apologetic smile, but he knows that I’m serious. He leaves me, but the relative peace I felt all morning is nonexistent now.
Gritting my teeth, I go back inside to the sitting room and divert to the fully stocked bar.
There used to be a huge photograph of Marina and me hanging over the mantel. It was removed days after her funeral at my request.
“What should I do with it?” Lev had asked me.
“Destroy it,” I told him. “I never want to lay eyes on it again. Burn it, shred it, mail it to Siberia with no return address. Bury it with her, for all I fucking care.”
I’m pretty sure a few of the maids heard that line. But I didn’t give a shit. What was I supposed to do? Weep at her grave and pretend like I was in mourning? I’m no fucking hypocrite.
I won’t deny that Jessa shares certain similarities with Marina.
Marina was a beauty. There was a time when I appreciated that beauty. Just like I appreciate Jessa’s now.
But the two women couldn’t be more different in the ways that truly matter. Jessa has fire. Marina was fiery and passionate, yes, but she was also demanding, controlling, and cruel. She was manipulative at the best of times. And she had expectations in her head that no one could live up to.
All that is verifiably true. And yet there’s a tiny voice inside my head that talks back.
You weren’t so innocent yourself.
Regret twinges uncomfortably in the back of my head. That day will always be planted in my memory. If I could carve it from my brain, I would.
But what’s done is gone.
I lost myself to anger. I didn’t care about who I hurt in the process. It was worth it at the time. It felt worth it at the time, at least.
I didn’t lie to Yulian before: I know exactly what Otets would say if he were here now.
No man can be prepared for the collateral damage when he doesn’t know what he’s sacrificing.