It was lunchtime but the idea of walking in there while it was full of people didn’t sound appealing.
“Can we get a sandwich in here?” I asked
“Sure can.” He pulled out a chair for me. “Have a seat and I’ll grab a menu. They don’t normally bring them in here.”
I started to tell him not to bother, that coffee was fine, but he had already headed for the door. I didn’t look to see if Rush said anything to him. I kept my attention focused on the windows overlooking the courts. Letting myself think about this too deeply would make me nervous. There was no reason to be nervous. Adam was a nice guy. He played tennis. We already had something in common.
“I like Adam.” Rush’s voice startled me, and I turned around to see he’d walked over to my table.
“Me, too,” I replied, wondering if he knew much about me and Grant or anything at all.
“Nan treating you okay?”
He would be worried about that. Rush knew more than anyone how bad it was between us. “Haven’t seen her yet. I’m avoiding her.”
Rush smirked. “Not a bad idea.”
“How’s Blaire and the Nate?” I asked.
A glow touched his face and his smirk transformed into a smile. The genuine kind that you knew went deep. “They’re perfect.”
He never was a man of many words. “I’d like to come see them.”
“Blaire would like that. As soon as I tell her you’re here, she’ll be hunting you down.”
That made me smile. I really liked Blaire. She was the kind of person you couldn’t help but be drawn to. “Good. I look forward to her finding me.”
Rush glanced up and then back down at me. “I’ll let you enjoy your lunch. Don’t let Nan take control. Stiffen your spine.”
He didn’t say any more; he just walked off. I turned to see Adam walking back into the room. He and Rush greeted each other in passing. Adam set the menu in front of me before sitting down across from me and glancing back at the door.
When he turned back to me he looked like he was thinking about something. I decided to wait and let him build up the courage to ask me. Opening my menu, I studied the selections of salads and sandwiches.
“So you’re friends with Rush but not Grant. Aren’t they close or brothers or something?”
Ah. He was finally going to ask about the scene Grant and I had caused earlier. I wasn’t ready to give him details. We’d just met, and what had happened with Grant was too personal.
“Rush is a friend. He has been since we were kids. Grant is someone I met a few months ago and made the mistake of trusting. That’s about it.”
Adam nodded and then turned his attention to his menu. He was going to be satisfied with that explanation. Good. I wasn’t going to tell him more.
Grant
Ihad started for my truck when I noticed Rush’s Range Rover. He was here. I turned around and headed back inside while calling him to find out exactly where he was.
“Yeah,” Rush said.
“I see your truck. Where are you?”
“Inside. Are you outside?”
“Yeah.”
“Wait out there. I’ll come outside.”
Then he hung up. What the hell? He had been in the dining room. I could hear familiar sounds in the background. Why was he leaving to come see me? Unless . . . Harlow was in there. What did he think I was going to do? Make a scene? Hell, I’d already done that on the tennis court. I needed a game plan. Not another train wreck.
I waited on him. He was there fast. Rush walked out the door and glanced over at me with a concerned look on his face.
“Did I beat you here?” he asked, as if he weren’t at all suspicious.
I decided to ease his mind. “I know Harlow’s in town. I know she’s living with Nan and we’ve already had our first encounter . . . and second, actually.”
Rush let out a relieved sigh. “Good. After your last drunk-ass rant I was worried this was going to be an issue.”
“My only issue is she won’t let me explain. She hates me. I need advice, man. I f**ked up. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. But I think . . . I think I may need to talk to Blaire.”
Rush’s eyebrows drew together. “How’d you f**k up? Kiro was keeping her from you. That was it. Harlow is a sweet girl. I can’t imagine her hating anyone.”
“There’s more to it than that,” I said, running my hand through my hair. I didn’t want to tell Rush that I’d been sleeping with Nan again. She was his sister, and even though she was selfish and mean as a snake, he loved her. I wasn’t sure how he’d react to me using her.
“What more is there?”
I thought about that. I wished he would just let me talk to Blaire. I didn’t need help from him.
“Tell me you didn’t screw around with Nan,” he said with an exasperated sigh.
He knew. He always figured shit out. “Yeah, some.”
Rush shook his head and let out a hard laugh. “You’re f**ked. I said Harlow doesn’t hate people, but Nan is as close as it gets for her. You need to let the Harlow thing go and move on. Ain’t no way you’re fixing that shit.”
I wanted her to understand. I wanted her forgiveness, and I wanted her to know I cherished what she had given me. No one or nothing would ever be that special for me again. I would never forget it. Maybe it was best for both of us if that was all she was willing to do. That night when I had been inside of her, I had been shown something much deeper than I ever imagined. It scared the hell out of me.
To love someone the way Rush loved Blaire . . . that was intense. It was controlling and it had the power to destroy you. I had seen so much heartache and pain in my life. My father had been in love more than once, and each time it had ended painfully, not only for him but for me. Love forever wasn’t something I believed in. Harlow was dangerous for me. She was the first person I had ever allowed myself to picture forever with. What if she stopped loving me one day . . . or what if I lost her? I saw the vacant look in Bethy’s eyes. The pain deep inside her. She had to wake up every day and live with it.
“I just want her to listen to me. I don’t want anything else. I want her to know . . . that . . . that she was special. That night was special. That’s all. Nothing else. I’m not asking for a second chance. I can’t do that. I just want her forgiveness. And I can’t live with myself if she believes I took her innocence as a game. It was never a game.”
Rush stood there staring at me as if I were speaking a different language. I was rambling. I wasn’t making sense. At least not to him. I needed to talk to Blaire, dammit.
“You just want her to know that your f**king her meant something? Is that what I’m understanding? You don’t want anything else?”
I flinched at his description but nodded.
“Can I ask why?”
The image of Bethy doubled over wailing as they lowered Jace’s body into the ground was etched in my brain. “I can’t love someone the way you love Blaire.”
Rush cocked one of his eyebrows. “Why is that?”
“Because it scares the hell out of me. I’m not going to be that vulnerable. I don’t want to be.”
Rush didn’t look as if he understood, but he finally nodded his head toward his Rover. “I’m headed home. If you want Blaire’s advice then meet me there and you can tell her this crazy shit. But she isn’t going to take your side in this. I’m warning you now.”
I didn’t expect her to. “I know.”
“When you tell her you slept with Nan after taking Harlow’s virginity then I’d duck, because the gun will come out, and this time I’m pretty damn sure she’ll pull the trigger,” he said with an amused grin before walking out toward his truck without looking back at me.
He was right. Blaire was going to chew my ass out. But once she got over it she’d help me, if only because she would understand that Harlow deserved it.
•
Thirty minutes later, Blaire was glaring at me. Her face had gone from horrified to completely pissed off. Nate had luckily crawled into her lap, otherwise I was pretty sure she’d have taken a swing at me.
“You want me to take him, baby?” Rush asked, walking into the living room.
“No. Leave him in her arms. I’m safer that way,” I replied.
Rush chuckled and walked over to sit beside her. Nate went to Rush with a happy laugh and I watched my badass best friend become complete sappy mush as Nate laid a loud smacking kiss on Rush’s face. Yeah . . . that kind of love. I couldn’t do that. What if something happened to Nate? How could Rush wake up every morning?
“I’m not like Rush. I can’t do this. This . . . life. I can’t love someone so completely that they hold my heart in their hands. I’m not that strong. I’ve had bad experiences with that kind of trust. But I care about Harlow. I let it get far with her. I let her in enough to care that I’ve hurt her. I don’t want her to be hurt. Help me, please.”
Blaire’s angry glare softened some, and she leaned forward, not taking her eyes off me. “Why? Tell me why, Grant. What is it about what I have with Rush that you can’t take?”
I wasn’t dredging up my past and talking about my childhood like that was a good excuse. And none of us wanted to bring up Jace. That was still too fresh. “I’m not ready for that. I would eventually hurt Harlow, and I can’t do that. I just want to get her to listen to my explanation and walk away from this as friends. She’s sweet and special and I can’t stand the idea of her thinking I used her.” Friends. That word sounded flat. If Harlow forgave me, could I live with just being friends? How was I supposed to look at her and not remember how good she felt in my arms? Was I asking for something impossible? I didn’t want to leave Rosemary. Hell, I couldn’t leave Rosemary. Someone needed to make sure Harlow survived with Nan.
Blaire tucked a strand of her long white-blond hair behind her ear and pierced me with her steady gaze. “You don’t want her but you want her to know that what y’all did was special to you. I can understand that. It’s typical you. You don’t like hurting people.”
“Can you tell me what to do? She hates me right now.”
Nate reached over and tugged at Blaire’s hair and giggled happily.
“Don’t pull Momma’s hair. We’ve gone over this, dude,” Rush said, saving Blaire from another hard tug.
Blaire thanked Rush and pressed a kiss to Nate’s head then turned back to me.
“Let me talk to her. Then I’ll let you know when you can talk to her. Until then, stay out of Nan’s bed, especially now that Harlow’s living there.”
“Not going there again. I’m hanging up the whiskey, too.”
“Good, I’m tired of picking up your sorry ass from the bar,” Rush said.
“Language,” Blaire reminded Rush.
“Sorry,” he replied quickly.
Blaire sighed. “Nate’s first word is going to be a four-letter one, I just know it.”