Chapter Eighteen
Noah
The living roomwalls were painted, and I was done stripping the old carpet from the dining room floors. I decided it was time to call it a day, grabbed a beer and took a seat on one of the stairs on the cottage’s back porch. I haven’t seen Sienna since she left that morning, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t glance at the door every hour, expecting her to walk in. For the entire day, I couldn’t get the image of her naked and bent over out of my head. That damn sawhorse fucked with my head the whole day until I eventually stored it in one of the spare bedrooms, needing it out of my fucking way so I could think straight.
It’s probably not something any man would admit, but it’s been years since I had sex. Years since I felt a woman’s naked body against mine and the slick heat of pussy. It wasn’t a conscious decision to avoid sex. I guess my mind was too damn dark to think of anything other than pain. Regret. Grief.
The last time I fucked a woman was when my life still made sense. A time when my heart was whole, and I could feel my lungs expand when I took a breath.
I took a swig of my beer and stared out in front of me, the sun starting to set in the distance. For the first time in so long, I saw it. I actually saw it. The colors. The pink hues and yellow rays. I noticed the birds all flocking back to their nests, the tree branches gently swaying from the subtle breeze. It’s been so fucking long since I noticed anything around me. So long since I saw…life.
“Hey.”
I looked up at Sienna standing a few feet away, her red curls painted with the fading sunlight. The jean shorts she wore showcased the slim curves of her legs, the faded blue T hanging loose and off her one shoulder. At that moment, it was easy to spot her youth, her skin flawless and beauty radiant.
“Hey.”
“I kind of need to stay here tonight.”
I balked. “You what?”
“Just tonight.”
“You really think that’s a good idea for you to stay here?”
She bit her lip, looking at me curiously. “You scared of me, Casanova?”
“Maybe.”
“Don’t worry. It’s not like I’m going to tie you up or anything.”
Unamused, I lifted a brow at her.
She rolled those pretty eyes of hers, shifting from one leg to the other. “My brothers are acting like dicks, and I just can’t be under the same roof as them right now. Besides, technically you can’t say no.”
“I can’t?”
“Nope. This is my family cottage. Asking you was just me being polite.”
“Ah-huh.” I tried to keep a straight face, but a half-smile crept up as I looked at her. “Well then, I guess I don’t have a choice in the matter.”
“Nope.” She wiggled herself in next to me on the stair, and I scooted up a little, trying my best to ignore the spark that flared across my skin.
“So, what’s up with your brothers?”
Her chest rose and fell as she inhaled. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m good.” She scratched her eyebrow. “Listen, I don’t want you to think that I expect anything from you now that we’ve…um, you know…after last night.”
“I know,” I replied, looking down. A part of me wanted to be the kind of man who could give her what she wanted by fulfilling all her expectations. But I had nothing to give. I had nothing to work with to get to a point where I could give her…more. There was no denying the connection between us. Even now, as she sat close beside me, I could feel it pulsing like a heartbeat between us, this strong attraction that made me hyperaware of everything about her. The warm, exotic scent of vanilla that clung to her skin. How she lightly moved her leg up and down while sitting next to me, a nervous twitch hardly noticeable. But I noticed. I fucking noticed everything about her—from the subtle sheen of her lip gloss to the way she’d always touch the lobe of her ear whenever she tucked a strand of hair behind it.
I also noticed that she seemed different today. Less confident. Troubled. And I hated it. It rubbed me the wrong way, and I had the urge to fix it—whatever it was. But it wasn’t my place. No matter how hard the possessive fucker in me screamed, Sienna Whitlock wasn’t mine.
“Spencer told me you were in the military?” She glanced at me.
I stifled a groan, regretting ever mentioning anything about my past life. “Yeah.”