Chapter Forty-Two
Noah
There wasnothing in the world like it. Losing myself inside her had the power to erase every sliver of pain I had ever felt. It made the grief I carried around inside me a little more bearable. It no longer consumed me the way it did before Sienna. She gave me hope. She had me feeling like maybe my life wasn’t over. That perhaps a new beginning was possible. While I had her warm, exquisite body beneath me, my thoughts were filled with the possibilities of what the future could hold in store for us.
Her eyes shimmered under the soft light, a single tear slipping down the side of her face, and I wiped it away with the back of my hand. “I know loving me hasn’t been easy on you.”
I brushed my fingertips down her chest, circling her pebbled nipple. “But I swear on my life I will do everything I can to make it easier for you.”
Her plump lips curved into a gentle smile, and she traced her fingertip along my eyebrow, brushing a strand of hair from my eye. “I don’t think love is supposed to be easy. I think it’s supposed to drive us mad. It’s how we know we’re alive. Proof that we’re not simply existing.”
I leaned to the side and took her with me, cradling her in my arm as she nestled her cheek against my chest. “When did you become the philosophy type?”
“Since a man with a gun, living in my dad’s cottage, decided to seduce me.”
“I seducedyou? I think it’s the other way around.”
“Nope.” I felt her smile against my skin. “That’s not how I remember it.”
The most peaceful silence draped over us, and I loved listening to her breathe, feel her chest move against mine with every breath. I wanted to be with her like this forever. I didn’t care if I had to take out every evil motherfucker in this entire goddamn world; Sienna was my new beginning. My new chance.
But new beginnings were only possible when all truths had been told. Even if we managed to escape the cartel, I knew in my heart we’d only be able to embrace the future once we’ve buried the past. And for us to do that, I had to be honest with her.
Completely honest.
No circling around the truth and only picking certain things to divulge. She deserved to know the whole truth. Everything.
Her shoulders moved as she inhaled deeply. “Noah—”
“I had a daughter.”
She stiffened, and I closed my eyes—the words burning a hole through my chest.
“Evie. Her name was Evie.”
“Was?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
I stared up at the ceiling, and for the first time in so long, I allowed the image of her face to trickle into my mind without me trying to fight it. “She was beautiful. Blonde curls with big, blue eyes that beamed with mischief. She was my life. I never knew the true meaning of love until I held her for the first time. She was so tiny. This delicate little doll. Breakable.” I swallowed hard, sharp edges of the memories carving at my flesh. “I remember thinking that I would spend the rest of my life making sure she never breaks. I would lay awake at night, struggling to breathe while thinking of all the ways I could lose her. The fear was excruciating even though she was sleeping safely in her bed in the room next to ours. And in the mornings when she woke up and her laughter filled our home, that fear would be gone, and all I’d feel was that joy. Love. Happiness. It was all there in her eyes. Everything. And it always felt like I experienced a little bit of Heaven whenever she threw her arms around my neck and whispered, ‘I love you, Daddy.”
My voice cracked, and tears rolled down the sides of my face. I pinched my eyes with my thumb and forefinger, trying not to break down. But it was so fucking hard. It was so hard to think of her and not shatter.
“Noah—”
“Just…let me finish. Otherwise, I’m never going to get through this.” My heart was beating so fast as if it was trying to run from the pain, trying to get away from the grief that bombarded my soul simply by talking about her.
I wiped away more tears, biting my lip because I needed to keep my shit together—especially for the next part. I sucked air through my teeth, needing the oxygen to reach my lungs. “She died in my arms.”
“Oh my God,” Sienna gasped, and I felt the wetness of a tear against my chest.
“I came home one night, and when she didn’t come running to the door like she always did, I knew something was wrong. Then I found my ex-wife tied to a chair in the living room, and when I looked up, Evie was standing by the kitchen entrance, tears running down her face. God, the fear I saw in her eyes, it was the worst thing I had ever seen in my life. And as I ran toward her wanting to take her in my arms, the crack of a gunshot sounded.” My stomach churned, and I had to sit up straight, throwing my legs off the side of the bed. “I was on my knees on the floor when she fell, her little yellow dress drenched in blood. Her mother screamed; she screamed so fucking loud. And all I could do was sit there and hold Evie in my arms. All I could do was watch her die. I couldn’t save her. Every ounce of happiness and joy I ever felt disappeared…just like the life in her eyes.”
God, it was too much. The memory split my spine in two while my chest cracked wide open. “Jesus,” I whispered, roughing both hands through my hair, seconds away from breaking. I closed my eyes, focused on my breathing, reminding myself how I had gotten my revenge.
My hands were soaked with his blood. His fucking penance. Drops of crimson percolated from his body onto the plastic sheet beneath his feet.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“My dad will figure it out. He’ll know it was you who killed the only son he has left.”