Alexandra
Irunthebrush through my hair, exhaling the nervous energy swirling in my stomach like a swarm of angry bees. Well done, Allie. Who tells someone they love them in the middle of the cemetery, minutes after their father was buried? Five stars for putting your foot in your mouth and blurting out ill-considered things at an inappropriate time. What on earth possessed you to tell him you love him? I do love him, though. That is not the point. Would the world have ended if you waited until you were back in Seattle to tell him you love him? I can't take it back now. It's done. Is it done, though? Is that why the ride back was awkward as fuck and immediately after depositing you home like an unwanted luggage, he left? He didn't say he loved you back, did he? I'm still waiting for an answer. What if he doesn't love you? Nope, not doing this now. This happened two days ago and I'm still having the same conversation with myself. Dabbing perfume on my wrists and neck, I throw one last glance in the mirror and make my way to my car. Dinner at Sebastian's. We still haven't addressed the herd of elephants in the room. I blow out a series of quick breaths to gain control. Inserting my phone on the dashboard mount, I call Katie to distract my restless mind. I don't want to end up having another unhelpful internal dialogue. I release a heavy sigh of relief when she answers immediately. We end up talking for the entire journey to his house. Before I disembark from my car, we agree to have another girl's night in, but promise each other we won't mix alcohol this time.
Pressing the bell, I clutch the handle of my handbag, holding it in front of my legs as if it's a shield. Sebastian opens the door with a lazy smile playing at the corners of his full mouth, throwing my heart into high gear. I've never felt such an exhilarating response to any man before. He pulls me in roughly and crushes me to him, sending fire to every nerve in my body. Dropping my bag on the floor, I wind my hands around his neck, pressing every inch of my body to his, feeling the drumbeat of his heart. His addictive earthy smell assaults my senses, making my head swim and knees go weak. Bending his head, his sensual mouth claims mine in savage conquest. Nothing could prepare me for the onslaught of his white-hot kiss. Devouring my mouth, he unzips my dress and drags me inside, closing the door with his foot. The dress falls on the floor, pooling around my feet. As I step out, he pins me against the wall and rips my panties off like a hungry animal. The fierce heat of him against me makes my stomach twist in a hard knot of need as I fumble with the buttons on his jeans, releasing his thick, hard cock. I can't remember when I was this turned on. My mind fizzles and every skin cell tingles, turning my mind into mush. He slips his hands under my buttocks and lifts me up in the air, thrusting inside my dripping wet pussy. I respond shamelessly and instantly by wrapping my legs around his hips, arching my back and pulling his head to my heaving breasts. He clamps his teeth around my tight bud and bites hard, sending electric shocks straight to my swollen clit.
"Harder…faster," I beg as throaty moans squeeze past my lips. Releasing my nipple, he groans, pulls out, and plunges deep inside me again.
"That sound you make drives me crazy, pet." His gaze, dark with desire, ensnares mine, coaxing me to surrender to the crush of feelings drawing us together.
Using his teeth, he opens my mouth, moving his hot tongue over mine with rough thrusts and demanding full surrender. I press my heels into his ass, forcing him to fill me deeper. The muscles in my thighs and stomach flex rhythmically as he pounds into me, working me into a frenzy and hurtling beyond a point of return.
"Come for me, now," he grunts, his breathing coming in quick gasps. We buck and thrust against each other, coming hard together in shuddering waves.
The quickie leaves me a rumpled mess. I lean against his muscular body for support when he lowers me down, and we cling to each other until we recover our normal breathing.
After cleaning up, we head to the kitchen. I plonk my ass on the stool, saying nothing, just staring at Sebastian moving fluidly around the kitchen while I chew on the inside of my mouth. This isn't what I'd planned. I meant us to sit down and talk like civilized people, not end up having mind-blowing, fast and furious sex against the wall. The sex won't repair the messy issues hanging between us like a dead weight. It can't change the fact that we both consciously hid information from each other that has eroded the trust on both sides. Without uttering a single word, he places two chopping boards on the kitchen island, leaving vegetables and a knife on the right one. Is that my cue to get my butt off the chair and help? Okay then. Rising to my feet, I wheel around and grab the red pepper, slicing and dicing the shit out of it. Sebastian's chuckle tickles my ears.
"I had no intention of surrendering to my fucklust, but you showed up at my door wearing a scandalous dress that would tempt a Buddhist monk out of celibacy." I press my lips tight to hold in the laughter bubbling in my chest, but the need to laugh is stronger than my control, and I end up giggling like a schoolgirl.
His hilarious confession breaks the ice, melting the awkwardness and nudging us back in the right direction. Conversation flows easily. He tells me about the shock of finding his grandmother, the real identity of his father, and Heidi being his sister. God, what are the odds of us being together and my best friend ending up being his sister? It sounds unreal. My heart goes to her. She struggles with conflicting emotions after finding out she was adopted. She shares a strong bond with Connor, her older brother, and her family has never treated her any differently from him. If anything, they lavished more attention on her than on him, but changing her name gives a subtle message that they only adopted her because she reminded them of their dead daughter.
As dinner winds down, I leap to my feet full of anticipation and adrenaline, and use it to clear the table while Sebastian strolls off to make after dinner coffee. Plodding over to the sectional, I station myself and wait for him to come back. Relaxing piano music comes through the speakers mounted on the walls, but fails to calm the what if's from racing through my mind. Mechanically, I go over and over, trying to predict the probable outcomes of my confession. You know there are only two outcomes, Allie.You leaving brokenhearted and utterly devastated or Sebastian declaring his love and fucking your brains out, again. I watch him lower himself next to me, shifting his body so we can face each other. His intense, penetrating gaze connects with me, clogging up the air in my chest and threatening to suffocate me. You should have told him, Allie. The truth always comes out.
"Alexandra-"
"Sir-" I mutter, then quickly continue, "Sorry, you go first."
"No, it's fine. You go first, pet." He gives me a lopsided grin. Wiping my sweaty palms on the cushion, I give myself a super quick pep talk.
"Um, I don't know how to start. There are two things I need to say. Brace yourself for a long winded-apology and confession–" He opens his mouth to say something, but I raise my hand to stop him. "Please, I need to get this out. It's been eating me–" I blow out a heavy breath. He nods, an emotion flashing through his eyes too fast for me to catch. Here we go. Take two.
"I'm really sorry for behaving like a brat. When I saw the report, I got really mad. All I could think about was how dare you preach about honesty and integrity when you went behind my back and did the background check, like I'm a common thief. In retrospect, I should have given you the chance to explain yourself. The most important thing, though, is I had no right to be upset when I hid a bigger secret from you." Pulling his shoulders back, he stares at me in grim silence, making my blood slide through my veins like cold needles.
"Secret?"
The impulse to reach out and touch him surges through me. Instead, I grip my left hand, squeezing my fingers until my knuckles go white. Fuck, I need to fix this. The memories I've worked so hard to lock behind a reinforced steel door open up before my eyes as if a curtain has been ripped aside. Locking my eyes with his, I confess my secret, leaving nothing out. He leans in closer, listening without interrupting while drawing his brows together, his expression softening with every word I utter.
"It's been almost two years since I lost my baby boy, yet I'm still in a state of unrelenting and disabling grief. I'm afraid this festering wound will never close, never heal. Please forgive me, Sir. I understand if you never want to see me again." Suddenly, in a breathless instant, the truth sets me free, but the thought of losing him is like a dagger through my heart.
God, I don't want to lose him. I can't survive losing him too. I bury my head in my hands as the onslaught of overwhelming panic sweeps through me like a wild tornado. He wraps his arms around me, crushing me to him. Keening wails escape from the depths of my soul as I let myself break apart for the second time this week in his warm, comforting embrace. He lets go of me and cups my face, gently wiping my tears with his thumbs. Bending his head, his soft mouth moves over mine with exquisite tenderness, sending fire to every nerve in my body. He breaks the kiss and pulls my hands into his. I tilt my head down to hide the blush creeping up across my cheeks.
"Eyes on me, pet. Thank you for being so brave and sharing something so deeply personal and painful. While I accept your sincere apology, I'd be lying if I said that it didn't upset me. But I also know how it feels to lose something you can never get back and the need to grieve behind closed doors where no one can see your pain." His chest rises with a deep inhale and exhale. Removing my hand, I caress his arm, offering a silent support.
"I honestly don't know why I didn't tell you about the background check. Part of me feared losing you, so I kept quiet, hoping it would go away. I was wrong and for that I'm deeply sorry. The only thing we can do is learn from this mistake and work on rebuilding the trust." I dip my chin in agreement as the wild need to throw myself into his arms overwhelms me. Locking his eyes with mine, his fingers trace the lines of my jaw and throat, leaving fiery trails on my skin.
"And Alexandra, unconditional love, mutual respect and teamwork is what keeps people together. Family is what we make it. It's not about blood, it's about finding your soul family. We have the means to change the lives of kids stuck in foster care. We can give them family, love and a safe place to grow up into healthy, well-adjusted adults." My heart swells with so much for this gorgeous man that it feels as if it's going to explode.
"Absolutely. While we can't choose our blood family, we can choose our soul family."
Damn, I won the lottery with this man. He's compassionate, smart, sexy as hell and all mine. Hands off ladies, I know how to use sharp objects. But he still didn't say he loves you, my overactive mind reminds me. Cocking my head, I thrust my lower lip into a teasing pout.
"You didn't say it back, Sir?"
"Say what back, pet?" He smirks with unconcealed amusement. Folding my arms across my chest, I remind him, "I love you."
"Unless you're a goth, the cemetery will never be the right place for anyone to declare their undying love, little sub. Saying I love you isn't something I do lightly. When I do, it needs to feel right and because I mean it with my mind, body and soul." He chuckles, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
After a long pause, during which I fight to stay in control, I demand, "Does this mean you don't love me?" I have never wanted anyone to say they love me as much as I need him to say it. Right now. Dammit, please say it, Sir, my mind begs silently.