Alexandra
Mylidsblinkopen. Faint light trickles through the heavy curtains as my mind tries to process the dream I just had. The vivid images flash in my mind's eye. I was back home and standing in the middle of our living room with my mother, who was pacing up and down with tears streaming down her face. She felt distressed because I hurt myself, but I couldn't remember how or why. Although I couldn't see it, I was aware of the giant gaping wound on my lower back. My mother stopped pacing and stood behind me, asking me to stay still so she could apply a home-made salve. As she was rubbing the salve, she kept repeating: "this wound is awful…you need to heal it, Allie." Me and my weird dreams. There's a lot to unpack in this one, but not now. I stretch my deliciously aching limbs, remembering the night before. Yep, this is so much better than dwelling on the weird dream, I chuckle inwardly. Goodness me, we had sex on every surface in this house and in every position possible. Heat radiates from my neck up to my face as my mind replays all the ways his gifted hands and mouth, not to mention his beautiful cock, made me come over and over again. If someone had told me before I met Sebastian I could have multiple orgasms in the space of half an hour, I'd have told them they had lost their mind.
Craning my neck in his direction, I drink in his handsome face and the ridges and valleys of his naked body. Happiness spreads through me like a warm light. Mmm…should I slide under the covers and wake the beast? No more sex. Get up and go make coffee, Allie. It's not my fault. He awakened the insatiable animal in me, and now I can't help myself. Now, I order myself.Rolling out of bed, I tiptoe across the room in search of my clothes. I close the door behind me, skipping to his office and grinning like an idiot. My clothes lay crumpled on the floor where we left them yesterday. Bending down, my gaze catches the letters, magazines and envelopes scattered next to his chair. We had too much fun to pay attention to me knocking stuff off his desk. I pick up my clothes and throw them on, then circle around the desk. As I grab the letters, the open manilla envelope with my name on it catches my attention. Hmm, has he kept my membership application? Nothing wrong with checking what I've written, right? Wrong! My hands shake and lips freeze into a gape as I stare at the document and the date on it. I grip the envelope so hard my knuckles go white. The betrayal clogs the air in my lungs, holding my breath hostage. I can't fucking believe he did a background check on me after we bumped into each other in the fetish store. He must have remembered my license plate. What exactly was he trying to dig up about me? If I'm a gold digger or a criminal?Blind rage floods through my veins, making blood rush to my ears. How dare he? I fucking knew this was too good to be true. I rip the form into tiny pieces, scattering them around the room.
Fire courses through my feet, chasing me to get out of the house. Thank heavens I left my bag on the wooden chest in the hallway, so I don't have to run around the house searching for it. With each blink, hot tears spread across my eyes. You aren't going to cry. He doesn't deserve your tears. No fucking man deserves your tears. Rockingthe volume on the stereo, I belt 'The Kill' from Thirty Seconds to Mars on the top of my lungs. My gaze drifts to my phone vibrating furiously on the dashboard. I'm not answering it. The phone continues to vibrate for the next ten minutes, then it goes silent. I give Sebastian the middle finger in my mind as I continue speeding on the highway. Just as I enter Seattle, my phone goes off again. Unknown number flashes across the screen. My heart somersaults, threatening to burst out of my chest. What if Sebastian has asked someone else to call me? Gulping a steadying breath, I lower the volume down and answer the call.
"Hello," I say, an edge of impatience creeping into my voice.
"Hi Allie, it's me," a soft voice replies. Blood drains from my face. My mother? What does she want? Did she finally remember she has a daughter?
"How did you get my number?" As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I realize how stupid my question sounds. George must have given it to her.
"Please don't be angry with your brother. I needed to speak to you. How are you?"
Ignoring her question, I demand, "I'm sure you didn't call me for an idle chat, so how can I help you?"
If she called me on any other day, I might have been more compassionate. Today isn't a good day. Discovering that the person you started to fall in love with, and literally trusted with your life has done a background check on you, would turn even the most compassionate and patient person into a real bastard. I grip my steering wheel until my fingers hurt as a fresh flame of anger sparks inside me.
"Your father asked me to call you. He doesn't have long to live, Allie," she utters her words in a low, pained voice igniting even more anger. How dare she feel sorry for him after what he did to us?
"Do you think I care if he lives or dies?" My voice raises an octave.
Clearing her throat, she answers, "He only has days left. Please, come to say goodbye. I know he hasn't been the best father, but please do it for—" I interrupt her before she can finish the sentence.
"Are you kidding me? You have the audacity to ask me to come and see the monster who beat the shit out of me? You should have left him. It was your job to protect me."
"I'm sorry, Allie. I wanted to leave him. Please believe me, I really did, but I loved him. He wasn't always bad. You remember the good times, right?" The sound of her taking a shuddering breath hits me in my gut.
Damn it, now I wish I could wrap my arms around her and console her. Yes, there were some good times, but they were few and far between the beatings, and yelling, hurling plates and glasses across the dining room. I can't deal with this now.
"Listen, I can't talk now. I'm driving." Breathing out briskly through my teeth, I add, "He doesn't deserve my forgiveness or compassion. I'll come to see him not because he wants me to, but because I want him to see that he didn't break me."
"Thank you, Allie. This means so much. Will you come stay with me, please?" she pleads with a soft voice.
"Sure, mother." After thanking me again, we exchange polite goodbyes. As I drive through the congested streets of Seattle, this morning's dream floats back to my mind, making me wonder if this was a pure coincidence or a weird premonition.
Silence greets me as I run through the living room to my bedroom. Why do men always betray me? Bitterness fills my mouth as memories of the assault flood back. The sensation of my wrists chafing against the restraints as I fought to release myself. The excruciating pain as the kitchen knife slit the tender skin of my arms, legs, and belly. The stench of stale tobacco and whiskey wafting in the air. The frantic panic as Nathan's hands squeezed the last bit of air out of my burning, aching lungs. Snap out of it, I order myself. You evicted that piece of shit, so he doesn't deserve to rent a space in your head ever again. I tear my clothes off and throw them in my laundry basket. Grabbing my favorite fluffy PJ's and socks, I put them on quickly and stroll to the kitchen to make coffee. My mother's words, "your father only has days to live" run in my mind like a broken record as I go through the motions of making coffee. I wait for sadness and grief to hit me, instead numbness infuses my body. That fucker didn't show you an ounce of love. Why should you feel any compassion for him?
"Hey Allie, you're back early." Heidi's husky voice cuts my inner monologue. Wheeling around, I plaster a smile on my face.
"Uh-huh. Coffee?" My brow shoots up questioningly.
"Sure. There is plenty of left-over pizza from last night we can tuck into." She averts her gaze, a crimson flush coloring her cheeks.
"Did you test drive your Ferrari last night?" I chuckle.
Shaking her head vigorously, she blurts out, "Nope! But not for lack of trying. He was a perfect gentleman, as always, which tells me either he isn't into me or he's testing me to see how far I'll go before I jump him."
"I think he's definitely testing you, Heids. Just keep reminding yourself that all good things come to those who wait." I carry our coffee to the banquette, leaving Heidi to get the pizza. Placing the plates on the table, she plonks on the seat opposite me. A small package laying on the table catches my eyes. Heidi's gaze follows mine.
"So, you remember when we got drunk and bought a bunch of stuff? Well, it turns out I ordered one of those ancestry DNA tests." I stare at her agog.
"DNA test?"
"Mm. Carter started working on our family tree and he got one a few weeks ago. Plus, I've always wanted to discover my family history. My mother's grandmother was proud of her Sioux lineage, but her father's family is a mixture of European and South American roots. Don't you want to know where you come from?" Cocking her head, she shoves a big slice of pizza into her mouth.
"Of course, I do. But I don't trust these companies because despite the claim that you can ask for your sample to be destroyed after receiving your results, legally there is nothing to stop them from selling your DNA to pharmaceutical companies, even the government."