Alexandra
Iblinkslowly,squinting at the bright light overhead. Shooting pain slithers between my temples, muddling my thoughts, and the antiseptic smell wafting off the sheets makes my stomach churn. My gaze drifts from the large television mounted on the pale blue wall opposite my bed to the large window with blinds on my right, the small nightstand with drawers and metal IV stand with saline bags next to my bed. I squeeze my eyes tight and open them again. It's not a dream. I'm in the hospital hooked to an IV. Waves of nausea well up from my stomach as memories of last night's ordeal hit me like an avalanche. Nathan must have untied my hands after I passed out and left me on the floor because I woke up naked with my torn clothes strewn around me. Bastard. I quickly cleaned myself and bandaged some of the deeper cuts on my arms and legs. He was sprawled naked on the bed, snoring loudly when I went to the bedroom to get clean clothes. For a moment, I considered smothering him with a pillow, but I'm not willing to ruin my life for such a waste of space. I then drove to Heidi's vowing to never return to that godforsaken house. As I lift my upper body, excruciating pain blossoms in my midsection, forcing me to flop down on the bed. A sharp moan escapes my lips.
"You're awake! Don't move, wait and I'll raise the bed for you," Heidi orders then jumps to her feet, grabbing the remote control. I run my tongue over my dry, almost scaly lips.
After adjusting my bed, she lifts the plastic cup with a straw to my lips. The water slides down, cooling my burning throat. I must have been intubated. Was I bleeding heavily enough to need an emergency surgery?
"How long have I been out?" my voice comes out low and raspy.
"They gave you strong pain meds, so you've been sleeping on and off since last night."
"Please tell me it didn't happen, Heidi. Please!"
"I'm so sorry!" I stare at her cobalt blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. A loud sob escapes my lips as grief, with the strength of a tsunami, hits me straight into my solar plexus. I'm so sorry bubba. It's all my fault. You killed your baby, I scream inwardly.If I left him earlier, none of this would have happened. I cover my face with shaky hands, letting the onslaught of gut-wrenching howls and tears to wrack my body.
"Shh… let it all out. I'm here." Heidi wraps her arms around me, kissing the top of my head as I bury my face in her shoulder. She continues to hold me tight until I have no tears left in me.
"I'm sorry for bringing this up now, but Nathan has been ringing and texting non-stop. He called me this morning, demanding to speak to you, but I told him you left town to clear your head."
My cheeks flame with anger. I hate him. I've never hated anyone as much as I loathe him. He's a fucking coward. A weak man who needs to punch those he considers weaker than him so he can prove to himself he's big and strong. Heidi hands me the phone. I don't bother reading whatever garbage he's written, instead I delete his texts and block his number. I don't have the energy or will to read his half-assed apologies, which quickly deteriorate to threats when he doesn't get his way. A loud rap turns my head to the door, stopping my mind from spiraling into a meltdown. The door opens and a tall, fresh-faced doctor with unruly brown hair makes his way to my bed. He sits on the chair next to my bed.
"Good morning, Ms. Pierce.My name is Dr. Montgomery. How are you feeling after the surgery?"
"Good morning doctor, please call me Alexandra. I'm still feeling a bit sleepy, nausea, dry mouth, sore throat and pain in my midsection, which I know is normal after surgery." He clears his throat. Judging by the discomfort crossing his face, he's not here to deliver good news. I know the feeling, especially the worries of saying something wrong and making things worse. No matter how many times you deliver bad news, it never gets easier because every patient or family member reacts differently.
"Yes, it's all normal after surgery. Your chart says you were brought into the hospital because you suffered a miscarriage. I'm so sorry for your loss." He pauses for a second, clutching my chart as if his life depends on it. A frown of sympathy clouds his handsome face before his gaze briefly shifts to Heidi.
He's not done with giving me bad news. My throat constricts, closing my airway. I suck in a deep breath, willing my heart to stop racing.
"I'm so sorry to tell you there were complications from your miscarriage. You were bleeding heavily and nearly died on the table. We tried everything we could, but unfortunately, we had to perform a partial hysterectomy to stop you from bleeding out."I open and close my mouth several times, before I'm able to form any words.
"You removed my womb?" No, it's not true. Imust have misheard him. There is no way I'll never experience the joy of giving birth and holding my baby in my arms. I only become aware I'm crying again when the tears slide down my throat and soak the hospital gown.
Heidi sits next to me and wraps one of her arms around me, gently squeezing my shoulder in silent support. Dr. Montgomery gives me a steady look, full of sympathy and understanding.
"I'm so sorry. I know it's difficult to hear. I'm here to answer any questions you might have." His hand twitches, betraying the nervousness he doesn't show in his voice and face.
"Thank you. I'd like to go home. When can I go home?" He lowers his gaze, shuffling the weight from one foot to the other. Please God, tell me he isn't going to hit me with some more bad news?
"Ms. Pierce, Alexandra, you had many bruises on your neck and wrists, as well as lacerations on your arms and legs. A few required stitches. The position and severity of some of the cuts suggests that someone made these cuts while you were restrained. You have extensive bruising around your thighs and genital area suggestive of sexual assault." He inhales deeply, his full lips growing thin and firm. "Were you assaulted by a partner or stranger?" I lower my gaze, trying to hide the shame and guilt burning my face. An unspeakable pain grips my throat. I take a few shallow, audible breaths, trying to calm myself down.
"My boyfriend."
"I understand this is very difficult for you. I'm really sorry this happened, but I need to ask you some questions. Please let me know if it gets to be too much for you, and we can stop."
We spend the next twenty minutes with me answering what sounds like standard sexual assault questions. Thankfully, none of them were about recounting the assault itself. I can't talk about what happened. If I do, I'll fall apart. When we finish, I blow out a deep breath, relieved it's over, but dreading what is coming next.
"Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. As a physician, I have a legal and ethical duty to report any intimate partner abuse to the local law enforcement authorities. Officers will probably come to speak to you later this afternoon."
My body freezes with terror, too overwhelmed to move or breathe. Everything inside me screams for me to run somewhere far, far away, where he can't find me. No, Allie! I bite my lower lip, considering the consequences of not reporting him. You have to report him. He should rot in jail for what he did to me. Do you want him to hurt another woman? She might not be as lucky and end up in the morgue. No, I can't let him carry on with this sick abuse.
"Okay. When is the earliest I can leave the hospital?"
"I'd like to keep you another day to monitor for any signs of infection. If everything is good, then you could go home tomorrow evening."
"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery."
"I'll see you tomorrow." He gives me an understanding nod before leaving the room.
After giving my statement to the police officer, I spent the next day being prodded by nurses, having blood taken and my blood pressure monitored, being swabbed and probed. The results must have been good because Dr. Montgomery was happy to sign my discharge papers as he promised. When we finally arrive at Heidi's cozy two-bedroom house, I retreat to the guest room and lower myself on the bed, careful not to pull my stitches. Taking a slow, deep breath, I loosen my tight grip on my pain and surrender to my grief, vowing never to let any man control me again.