"Thank you, Sir. But in the interest of honesty, I need to tell you why I want to do this. If you decide you don't want to accept my submission, I'll understand." My voice comes out in a suffocated whisper.
"You can tell me anything, Alexandra. If we're going to do this, there shouldn't be any secrets between us. " He brushes a strand of hair back from his forehead, frowning.
Secrets and lies destroy and change lives forever. You know trust is fragile, and it's hard to mend once it is broken, Allie.
Ignoring my pesky conscience, I fold my hands in my lap and recount the assault and court case, my spiral into depression and accidental overdose, excluding the details that I'm now barren like a desert wasteland, unable ever to sustain life. An icy shiver runs through me as the memories of Nathan's cruelty threaten to sweep me away and drown me, but I keep my gaze fixed on Sebastian, letting him become my anchor. He remains deceptively still, but his expression darkens with unreadable emotion. Determined, I impose an iron control over myself and recap my healing journey so far. I'm like a broken dam and words pour out of me about the research I've done on BDSM, especially around how Dom/Sub dynamics help, rather than hinder recovery from past traumas. I explain that my primary goal is to explore and embrace my masochistic needs, and release the feelings of shame and guilt for having these urges. The sense of freedom after I unburden myself of everything that's been weighing me down feels incredible, as if I'm wrapped in a silken cocoon of euphoria.
Tilting his head slightly to the side, Sebastian replies. "I'm sorry you had to go through that experience, pet. It will be my pleasure to train you and help you embrace yourself. There's no rush for us to start playing immediately. We'll take things slow, go on dates and work on getting to know each other better."
"I'd like that very much, Sir." The thought of playing with him sends my blood into a tizzy.
"I'm aware being a submissive in training will bring up lots of conflicting emotions, so I want you to create a journal you'll share with me. You can use it to release your fears and frustrations, suggest new things you want to try, and tell me things you find hard to communicate face to face. I'll give you prompts to make it easier." He inclines his head, arching his dark eyebrow at me. A flush stings my face at the thought of sharing my innermost feelings, but I know it will help me grow and heal.
"I think it's a great idea, Sir." He grins at me disarmingly, making me giddy. I give him a radiant smile, unable to hide my happiness.
On the ride back home, the flirtatious banter flows between us. Nothing feels forced and the sense of familiarity makes my heart swell with hope. Upon arrival, he opens the door for me and waits for me to go inside before leaving. Although my entire body continues to vibrate with excitement, I fall asleep as soon as my head drops on my pillow.