Alexandra
Lastnight,Idreamed about Sebastian. Now, I can't think about anything else but him. I roll on my back, letting the images of the explicit dream roll like a film reel. Heat explodes through my body, making my aching core pulse and tingle with need. I take a deep breath and slide my hands to my breasts, imagining Sebastian's hands massaging and squeezing them gently, then rougher. Moving my hand over my tight nipples, I pinch them hard until the pain makes my clit pulse. I caress my parted lips with my index and middle fingers, while visualizing playing with Sebastian's hard cock. Flicking my tongue over my fingers, I slip them into my mouth and suck on them before softly scraping my fingertips with my teeth. Gliding my hand down to my panties, I rub my wet fingers over my swollen clit and slick inner lips. My pulse speeds up with each stroke. A soft moan escapes my lips as I increase the pressure and speed. Fuck, I'm teetering so close to an orgasm. I wiggle my hips and take off my panties slowly, eager to continue playing with myself. In my dream, Sebastian trailed his tongue up and down my inner thigh before biting me hard. I clench my thighs as moisture beads in my throbbing core and drips between my legs. Cold air hits my engorged clit, sending shudders down my spine. Pressing my outer lips between my thumb and index finger, I massage back and forth gently, then tug my lips upward. My breathing comes out in soft pants.
I insert a finger inside my wet core, thrusting in and out while pinching my nipple. Releasing my nipple, I move my hand back to my throbbing clit, teasing the hard nub in slow circular movements before increasing the speed. Adding another finger, I let my hips rock into my hand, bringing myself closer to the edge. I suck in air, gasping for release. Every nerve in my body quivers as my pulsating pussy tightens around my fingers. Pumping my fingers fast then slow, I work myself into a frenzy before letting the unbearable tension inside me explode in a bone shattering orgasm. I don't remember the last time I came this hard. Inhaling deeply, I brush my damp hair off my face, the scent of my arousal lingering in the air. I stretch my satiated body, wishing Sebastian was here so we could re-enact the dream. I extend my arm and grab his business card from my nightstand. Don't be silly, Allie. You can't call him. Even if you did, what are you going to say?Hey, Sebastian, do you want to pop in and ravage me like you did in my dream? The raw power of my attraction to him scares me to death, but it doesn't surprise me. I've always been attracted to dominant men. I was attracted to Nathan because he was a bad boy who liked to take charge, but it wasn't long before I realized his type of dominance was a trait of toxic masculinity and not of true dominance. In hindsight, Nathan is a copy of my father, who used his power and authority to put my mother and me in our place. He believes women are made to serve men and the perfect woman was a goddess in the kitchen and slut in the bedroom. He relished in disciplining his daughter, using corporal punishment to control me.
When my father deemed my behavior was unacceptable, he would order me to face the wall and stand on one foot for hours. In the beginning, after twenty minutes, the dull ache in my foot would turn into a shooting pain, branching across my lower back and spine likelightning. I'd strain against the pain, forcing my muscles to lock instead of wobbling like jelly, taking me down in a messy heap on the floor. Collapsing meant one thing—twenty, sometimes thirty, lashes across my bottom with his favorite leather belt. My cries used to fuel his sadistic enjoyment, so I learned to ride the pain like a wave, retreating to my happy place where pain didn't exist. When I was twelve years old, he had a car accident which left him paralyzed from the waist down.Karma is a bitch! She might be fashionably late, but she always makes an appearance. He tricked me once, but I learned my lesson and stayed out of his reach. That didn't stop his vile mouth from spewing verbal abuse at me and my mother. My father broke me, damaged me beyond repair. No amount of therapy can erase the wounds he inflicted on my psyche.
I hated my father's punishment, yet it was me suggesting to Nathan to experiment with bondage. When his firm hand connected to my bare ass, I didn't recoil…instead I let the pain wash over me and lift me higher. My pussy became drenched like never before, throbbing with a desperate need for him to fuck me like an animal. And he did. It was the best sex we ever had.After we laid entwined in bed, I realized why I could never orgasm before, despite his best efforts. I needed pain and pleasure to stimulate my body and mind. Sadly, he mocked me endlessly and tore me down for having these feelings and wanting the kink. Normal people don't need to be blindfolded, tied, or spanked to have an orgasm, right? No, it's Nathan's voice in your head, judging you and shaming you for having different sexual desires. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexual fantasies.
Rolling out of bed, I stroll to my bathroom then jump into the shower, letting the warm water soothe my troubled mind. My stomach grumbles painfully as I walk back into my bedroom. Throwing on comfy sweats and a t-shirt, I grab the business card from my nightstand and stuff it in my pocket. I need to talk to Heidi. We always tell each other everything. My chest tightens as guilt floods through me. The sound of the coffee machine whirring to life greets me as I wander to the kitchen. Heidi sits at the massive kitchen island, her head buried in her phone. When I approach, she looks up, giving me a massive grin. I pull up a chair, smiling back at her.
"Morning, you're right on time. Coffee will be ready in two."
"Morning. Mm…coffee smells divine. What are we having for breakfast? I'm starving." She jumps to her feet and opens the cupboard. Shuffling back, she plants a mason jar on the island.
"I made this yummy nut butter yesterday. How about French toast with caramelized bananas and nut butter?" My mouth waters and I bob my head like an excited pup. We split up the tasks between us, making breakfast in no time.
After breakfast, we re-fill our coffee cups and move to the living room. She turns on the fireplace and asks Google to play our favorite eighties playlist. Sinking into the cushy couch, I cast my gaze on the large bifold door, which connects the living space with the beautiful Zen Garden, now covered in fresh, undisturbed snow. The sultry baritone of Dave Gahan, singing about corrupting a girl, watching her cry out in pain and begging him to play his games, makes my body vibrate with desire. Heidi's face lights up like a Christmas tree. Closing her eyes, she raises her hands above her head and sways her body in sync with the beat. Breathing in the steam of the piping hot coffee, I savor this moment. It's not often Heidi and I can spend Sunday morning together, both of us usually working over the weekend. When the song is finished, she saunters over and plants her ass on the opposite couch. I twist my hips from side to side as Sebastian's business card burns a hole in my pocket. Deep breath, Allie. Now is the time. I whip out the card from my pocket and slide it across the coffee table to Heidi. Leaning forward, she picks up the card and blinks rapidly, as if she can't believe what she is seeing.
She lifts her gaze, exclaiming, "Are you kidding me? Sebastian is a Master and the owner of a fetish club?"
"Yep! He's full of surprises," I chuckle. She scrubs her cheek, her body posture perking up.
"If I'm honest, it doesn't really surprise me. I knew he was dominant the minute he marched towards me and demanded, or rather commanded me, to give him your number."
"You knew? How?"
"Because the guy I was dating in San Diego is a Master too. Sebastian reminded me of Tristan." Her voice cracks with deep emotion. I slap my hand over my mouth to cover my shock. She gives me her trademark goofy grin.
It shouldn't shock me because, unlike me, she is an extrovert and erotic photographer who meets clients from all walks of life. Her confession piques my curiosity, but I'm not going to push for answers. As if she can sense my dilemma, she clears her throat and blows a deep breath out, then tells me how she met Tristan on a fetish shoot. Their mutual attraction was instant, raw and powerful. He introduced her to the dominant/submissive lifestyle, and things fell into place. She stops abruptly, pinching her lips tight and drawing her brows together. I gaze at her deeply pained look, wondering what might have happened to make her feel so distressed. I rise to my feet, closing the distance between us. She scoots over, turning her body to face me. Placing my hand on her knee, I offer her a small smile.
"Are you okay, Heids? If this is too hard to talk about, we can do it another time." She shakes her head, letting a forceful breath out.
"I'm good, babe. Everything was going well until I saw him with his ex-sub in the club. I came in late that night after a shoot." Her eyelids squeeze in a wince. "Imagine my shock seeing him sitting with his legs spread eagle and his gorgeous naked ex kneeling in front of him and sucking his cock as if it was her favorite lollipop." She lowers her head, hiding the tears rolling down her cheeks. My throat tightens painfully as Heidi's shoulders shake with quiet sobs. Fucking bastard.
I wrap my arms around her, murmuring, "I'm so sorry, babe." After she calms down, she wipes her face with the back of her sleeves.
"When we met, he told me about their long and complicated history, which I accepted. But he knew I didn't feel comfortable with her lurking around him all the time and what does he do? He lets her suck him off in front of everyone when he promised me he wouldn't play with her again." Her mouth quivers, eyes blazing with rage. I'd feel the same. Anger stirs inside me, making my blood boil. I wish I could kick his ass.
"Men are fucking idiots. When their blood goes to the small head, the big one stops working."
"I know, right? I blocked him on my phone and social media. He's dead to me. I don't want to see his face ever again. But please, don't let my experience stop you from pursuing a relationship with Sebastian, if that is what you want." I give her a lopsided smile. It's my turn to spill more secrets.
She sits still, giving me her full attention while I confess my worries that something must be wrong with me because I enjoyed being restrained, blindfolded, and spanked.
"I'm so embarrassed about having fantasies about Sebastian. I'm fighting my attraction to him because I'm worried if I get involved with him. It would mean I'm broken beyond repair." She gently taps my hand.
"Don't be silly, Allie. You're the sanest and most level-headed person I've ever met, despite your shitty childhood. And sure, some people who practice BDSM might have childhood issues, but there are lots of others who don't have any childhood wounds. As long as your relationship with Sebastian is safe, sane, and consensual, you have nothing to worry about." I stare at her, shifting, unable to get comfortable. She puts her legs in the lotus position and leans on the cushion behind her.
"Listen, when I met Tristan, I did shitloads of research and came across lots of studies about BDSM helping people rework their past traumas. Do your own research first, then decide if this lifestyle is for you, but I have a feeling you've already made up your mind, haven't you?" She takes a long sip of her coffee, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. The idea of taking Sebastian up on his offer makes my insides vibrate with excitement.
"After that damn dream, I can't stop thinking of him. The idea of standing naked in front of him, letting the walls I've built around me drop and expose the real me, petrifies me. But what scares me to death is when our eyes connected at the store, he read me like an open book."
She lets out a deep sigh. "It's normal to feel scared, especially after what you went through last year. Feel the fear and open your heart to love. I'm doing the same."
"I'm willing to go with the flow." She flops back on the cushion behind her as relief brightens her face.
"I'm proud of you, babe. As you know, it's my birthday next Saturday, so how about we check out Club Dominion?"