Easton blinks, staring at me in confusion. “Why would Daddy go to heaven instead of coming home? Why didn’t he get better in the hospital like you?”
Pain crawls up my throat, and I can barely force the words out this time. “If Daddy could’ve made the decision, he would have come home with me.” I pause, emitting a few sobs. Mom makes a move, but I shake my head, needing to do this myself, even if I am making a mess of it.
“I don’t understand,” E says as tears roll down his cheeks.
I hold him closer, dotting kisses on the top of his head. “Neither do I, baby. But sometimes things happen, and we don’t ever know why. This is one of those times. God needed Daddy and Lainey, and at least they are together. I bet they’re up in heaven cuddling right now, just like we are.”
“I don’t want my daddy to go to heaven!” Easton bursts out crying. “I want him to come home and play with me on the slide!” he wails, burying his little face in my chest. I can scarcely see through my blurry vision, but I see enough to know Mom is crying too.
Will this ever get any better?
Will this pain ever go away?
“I know, honey. I wish for that too, but it’s not going to happen.” I hate to do this to him, but I can’t leave him with false hope either. “Daddy is your guardian angel now. He’s going to be watching over both of us from heaven.”
“I want him watching over me from here,” Easton sobs into my chest, and I don’t know what else to say to make him understand. As I hold my heartbroken boy in my arms, I vow to do everything to help him get through this, even if it means papering over the cracks in my own heart to do it.