When he is finally out of view, I continue to stand there, for how long I’m not sure. My cheeks are damp with my falling tears, but I refuse to wipe them away.
People brush past me, showing that time no longer stands still. A slight bump into my shoulder forces me to move out of the way. I spin on my heels to head to the main entrance. I give one last look over my shoulder, hoping to see Finn running toward me, but why would he?
When I finally make it to the airport’s main entrance, I am greeted with two familiar faces—my twin sister, Kate, and younger brother, Kyler, leaning against the outside wall. Kyler is the first to spot me. When our eyes meet, he taps Kate on the arm, and she looks up from her phone. They both give a brief smile as I attempt to return the favor but fail.
I wipe the tears away and approach them. “I don’t understand. What are you guys doing here?”
“You didn’t think we be
lieved you when you said that you would be fine on your own doing this, did you?” My brother pulls me into his chest and presses a kiss to the top of my head.
I close my eyes as I feel the pressure of Kate hugging me from behind now, sandwiching me between them. “It’ll all be okay, Laur.”
But I’m not sure it ever will.
Finn and I have been growing more distant in the six weeks since that day at the airport when everything changed. His spur-of-the-moment proposal had derailed our plan. Actually, no, it wasn’t the proposal that changed us, it was my saying no. Now, we go days without talking or just a few text messages here and there, but nothing has been the same. There is a rift between us, and I caused it. I admit I was scared; we are just so young. Telling him no was the biggest mistake of my life. It is a regret that I have had to live with every day.
This distance has made me realize how much I need Finn. It doesn’t matter where we live, I would have my family no matter what, nor does it matter where I finish up my master’s degree—I can do that anywhere. Why had I been so stupid to want to stick to my life plan: graduate college, get my master’s, establish my career, then we would get married. People get married young all the time. Finn is what I want, that is the big picture—nothing else matters.
Deciding to pack up and leave my life behind was a massive risk for me that earned shock from both my mom and siblings, but they know how miserable I am without him and support my decision. My sister smacked me on the side of the head and said, “Wow, took you long enough to realize this. And here we thought I was the stubborn one of the family.”
“You’re really doing this, huh?” My sister shouts as I flip the bathroom light switch off upon exiting and return to my bedroom in the apartment I had shared with Finn. It’s been hard being here without him, even if there wasn’t a strain on our relationship. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of him. It made my heart ache. Kate is stretched out on the bed with her ankles crossed.
“I am.” I place my toiletry bag in my suitcase and go over my mental checklist of things I need to pack: clothes, shoes, Kindle, chargers, toiletries. Okay, I think that’s it.
“And you’re sure this is what you want.” I can feel her glare on my skin. I look up from my suitcase and close the lid. I know she means well in her questioning, but I can’t help but laugh.
I press my hand on the top of my suitcase and look at the face identical to mine. “Kate, we’ve been over this already. This is what I want. I love him; he is worth it. He’s the other half of me. Jobs, grad school, all those things come and go, but he and I are what’s real. Even with us not talking as much, he’s still the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think about at night.” I zip up my bag and place it on the floor before walking around the other side of the bed and take a seat. I pull one leg under me and lean back against a pillow. “I know that things have been strained between us since he left, but we’ve always been able to talk through things. Texting has been hard, and phone calls just aren’t the same. This conversation needs to be something we face together in person. He’s it for me.”
She continues to stare at me. A devilish smirk appears on her face as she rests her arms behind her on my bed. “I know. But it’s my job as your big sister to make sure this is exactly what you want. I just wanted to hear you say it. I’m glad you finally got your head out of your stubborn ass. You two are meant to be together, so I have no doubt that things will work out.” She places her arm around my shoulder, pulling me in toward her. “I’ll miss you, baby sis.”
I throw my head back in laughter and reach behind me for a pillow and smack her with it. “I’m younger by five minutes. That hardly counts as being the baby.”
“Hey, to some people, five minutes means everything.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I scrunch my nose.
“Do you always have to make a sexual joke out of everything?” I laugh, leaning back on the headboard.
She leans against me, resting her head on my shoulder. “It’s one of my many talents.” I will miss moments like this with her. It’s been me and her our entire lives, and she’s always been there when I need her no matter what time it is. She is my person.
“You still have Kyler here, and I’m just a phone call or plane ride away.” I gently pat her thigh.
She waves her hand at me. “Yeah, yeah, yeah—it’s just not the same. He’s a boy.” Her tone makes me giggle because she sounds like boys have cooties. Kate crosses her arm and huffs out a breath.
Our younger brother, Kyler, is seventeen and will be heading off to college soon. I know what she means though. She and I have shared everything our entire lives—that is, of course, except for Finn. He’s always been mine. This will all be an adjustment, but I’m happy.
“Plus, I’m cooler than him.” I hold my fist out to her.
She bumps it, giggling. “Damn straight. Well, we should probably get going to get you to the airport on time.” Kate sighs before standing and grabbing her phone from where it’s plugged in on the nightstand beside her. Last night, we had one last slumber party for old time’s sake.
“Yeah, let’s go.” With one last look around my room, I’m ready to say goodbye to this chapter of my life and say hello to the next.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to begin our final descent to the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Currently, at Sea-Tac, the temperature is a high of 65 and sunny. Please stay seated until we have reached the gate and the seat belt sign is off. We certainly have enjoyed having you on board today. We hope to see you again real soon, and thanks for flying American Airlines. Welcome to Seattle,” the pilot announces on the overhead speaker as I look out the window at the city below.
Home. Well, my new home, at least. My hands grip the armrest as the plane descends. The sweet, older woman, Jacqueline, who has sat next to me since we left Philadelphia, gives me a brief smile when my eyes connect with hers.
I return the favor before I direct my attention to the back of the seat in front of me, closing my eyes, and slowly even out my breathing.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.