Chapter Fourteen
JULIE
I wished that I could just enjoy a single moment with him, without the voice ruining it. Reminding me that I would never be worthy of someone like him, because I’m cheap, and easy, and no decent man wants that.
He kept watching me carefully as we ate in silence for a few minutes. His phone buzzed, and he groaned, sliding it from his pocket.
“You always groan like that when you get a message. Do you do it when I message you?”
He glanced up at me, his phone still raised in front of him. “Oh no, little angel, I have a very different reaction to your messages.” He winked, and then turned his attention back to the screen. I watched him as he read something, and then typed a response.
“Everything okay?” I asked finally, because he seemed on edge since the message. He shrugged.
“You know how it is. Everyone wants something. It can wait.”
I glanced at my phone, checking the time.
“Shit. I’m running out of time to get back.”
He checked his phone too. “You have twenty minutes yet, Julie. Am I keeping you from something?” I had the sudden desperate urge to get out. Get away. Things were happening too fast, and I was afraid. Suddenly so afraid.
I stood up, and he frowned at me.
“You didn’t finish your food. Come on, sit down.” I took a breath, and it caught in my throat. No. Not here.
I ran. I didn’t get far before he caught up with me. That could be because I only made it one building away, and had to stop for air. To breathe, because suddenly there was no air at all. I hadn’t had so many anxiety attacks in a short space of time, as I had since Cassidy vanished. I never told her about them, but sometimes I’d message her out of the blue, just because I needed someone to witness the fact that I existed.
“Julie, come on. Sit down.” Adam guided me to the edge of the curb, and made me sit. Then he put his hand on my back, rubbing in soothing circles, while I fought to breathe. Why was there no air?
“Jesus… What’s going on, little angel? Come on. Slow down. Take a deep breath. There you go. And another, come on.” He coaxed me through the panic, as if he knew exactly what was going on, and what I needed. Within a few minutes, my breathing was back to normal, and the tingling in my hands and face had dissipated.
“Good girl. That’s better. That happened before?” He asked gently, still rubbing my back, while he used the other hand to tilt my face to look at him. I nodded a little.
“I’m sorry, my god… that must be terrifying. How do you normally get through them?”
I swallowed; my throat horribly dry now. It always got like that after. I shrugged.
“I want to help you. How can I help? Tell me what you need.” I stared at him.
“I’m fine. Thank you though.” He was practically scowling at me.
“Want me to pick you up, and carry you back to your office? Take you into the lobby in my arms, have security ask what happened?”
“Jesus, Adam! I just need a minute, please.”
He sighed, checking the time on his phone.
“Either way, you’ve only got about eight minutes to get back to work. Can I walk you, at least?”
I nodded, watching as he stood up, and then reached for my hands, pulling me up as if I weighed absolutely nothing.
As we started to walk back, he tucked me into his side, and wrapped his arm around me. I felt so small pressed up against him like that. I’m no more than about a foot shorter than him, but I’m built petite, as we Korean women often are. It makes him look huge when he’s beside me.
I couldn’t speak as we walked back. I was embarrassed. Although the voice hadn’t decided to taunt me for once, I felt like a failure. Weak. Defective. Normal women don’t break down like that.
“We’re here, little angel. What time do you finish tonight?” I blinked, taking a moment to follow his train of thought.
“Why?”